In love with co worker - girl in long term relationship too scared to break up?

[mail9993321]

Hi

Over the back end of last year I went out a few times with a girl from work and fell in love with her. It turns out she has a boyfriend in a 6 yr long term relationship and they live together but she was having doubts about staying and was lonely and confused, not knowing what she wanted. She said she couldn't leave him so nothing happened and we just stayed as friends. We both tried but the feelings were still there, she then said that she had fallen in love with me, but still didn't know what she wanted. After a weekend away they took in January, she said that her relationship with her boyfriend was dead and that they were just living like friends (I think this has been the case for a while), she said she tried to break up but her boyfriend said that things would get better after he had finished Uni in March (which I think was the problem to start with as she wasn't seeing him a lot). She said that she couldn't throw away 6 years and had to try and work things out.

It's been really hard to see her around work, and 3 weeks ago I said I couldn't see or talk to her because of how I felt about her. Last weekend she text me saying that she couldn't stop thinking about me, that it was driving her crazy and she hoped that talking to me would help, she said that it didn't. I asked if she didn't have to go through with the break up, would she change things and she said she would wake up with me tomorrow. I asked why she hasn't broken up and she said she is not brave enough, she cannot throw away 6 years of her life, she's worried about making the wrong decision, she doesn't want to let her or his family down, that she is in too deep and she doesn't want to be alone. She said that no matter what I said I was a risk and she would rather be with her boyfriend than no one. I asked what would she do if he proposed, she said she would say yes because they are practically already married. Her responses are always really mixed up.

Early this week I asked whether her relationship was back with her boyfriend and she said it wasn't, that they were still living like friends.

I know she has acted totally wrong and cheated on her boyfriend, but I am completely in love with her. The hardest part for me is I know she isn't totally happy in the relationship, that she wants the intimacy back that is not there and she is staying just because she's too scared to go through with the break up.

I really don't know what I can do, I kind of know I should move on but its so hard with the situation as it is. It's clear to me that there isn't love there, not enough anyway and that she just seems too scared to go through with it. From what I have said does this seem to be the case?

Is there anything I can say to her to try and make her see what she is staying for are the wrong reasons? Do I stop contacting her again?

Lastly, even if someone wanted to leave a relationship, can fear and being scared make them stay in one they don't want to be in? Would she leave if she really wanted to? I'm worried that she sees herself as being trapped. I know her boyfriend is possessive of her which makes me wonder, as she herself said that he wouldn't leave her, and threatened to keep their cat if she wanted to leave when she tried to break up right at the start last year.

Sorry for it being so long.

[smackie9]

The only reason you are in love with her is because of the fact you can't have her....we desire most what is out of reach. As the saying goes, you can't always get what you want. Stop wasting your time talking about it, there is nothing you can do.


Tip: it is never wise to date someone that is willing to cheat on their SO, for they will probably do it to you. This girl is not emotionally stable enough even to hold together her relationship with her BF. You were just a rebound, because she is lacking somehthing in her relationship....so her feelings for you are not what you think. Give it up.

Find someone that is emotionally and physically available.

[michelle23]

Shes in a long term relationship. There must be something special about the two of them together as a couple that they have managed to last so long. They are compatible. They are likely just going through a rough patch right now and she cant handle it so she turned to you (which is wrong). She is thinking the grass is greener coz shes a bit fed up and bored with reality (him) and your like a shiny new toy-a fantasy.

Trust me-if she leaves reality for fantasy-its only a matter of time before she realizes she wants him back.

A friend of mine left a 5year relationship during a rough patch for someone else. It lasted about a month before she tried to crawl back to her ex. He didn't want her anymore coz she hurt him too much. She has spent the past year alone and heart broken.

You should never get involved with someone in a relationship. She has so much invested in him-so many feelings and memories. If she does end it with him-she needs time to grieve the loss of those 6years before shes ready to fall in love again. Otherwise you will just be a rebound.

Leave the girl alone and go find someone available. Your playing with fire and none of this is fair on her bf