Can men and women just be friends?

[Wakeup]

I fail to see how I can sustain this argument if people are going to continually play the "Im older than you" "I am well read" cards as if anyone else YOUNGER must be
A) Dumber
B) False experiences
C) Just f-ck right off because anything you sayis rubbish

You're showing your age with these types of statements. This isn't about "I'm older so I know better." This is about common sense and studies done and psychology 101 and HUMAN NATURE.

Come on. Thats a bit of a low blow. Older =/= wiser.

Read above. If all you can argue is what you're arguing about above while completely ignoring the jist of whats being said then that's called deflecting.

And my mention of sex drives is a point to suggest that intimacy is not always a factor for all. Ever heard of the asexual spectrum? Poor form to take that as an opportunity to ridicule of me & the other user (EvilJester).

Just because you're a-sexual it doesn't mean that you'll not form an inappropriate emotional bond with someone else. I for one did not "ridicule" anyone about A-sexualism. I asked some questions about what another poster meant. "Careful what you wish for" was a "warning" it certainly wasn't a ridicule and anyone SHOULD be warned upfront if someone is "A-sexual" because if you get with someone who is NOT then there will be trouble in the relationship as sure as the sun will rise tomorrow.

Secondly, the problem here is our definitions of friendship. You say friendship = cuddling, latenight dates. What about friendship = being there to talk? If they need support for a cause? Financial support? THAT IS ALL FRIENDSHIP.

Do you have ANY personal boundaries, Virtigo.
You are going to be taken advantage of if you don't. There is being a friend and then there is being a doormat. Which are you?

- - - Updated - - -

Here's somethings on personal boundaries that may interest you.

[url=http://joy2meu.com/Personal_Boundaries.htm]403 Forbidden[/url]

[url=http://psychcentral.com/lib/the-importance-of-personal-boundaries/0001112]The Importance of Personal Boundaries | Psych Central[/url]

[Vertigo]

Being well read and much older then you helps see things more clearly then what you're seeing.

Sorry did I misread? ? ?

And there you are at it again. Why does age even come into a factor? This is ridiculous. I have been debating your ARGUMENTS up until your apparent need to repeatedly insert snide remarks about "being careful about my asexuality" (HOW IS THAT EVEN RELEVANT?) and insinuating that other peoples arguments are less valid because they are younger than you, therefore their experiences carry less weight.

Its really offputting and not very constructive. I can't continue a debate if you're going to attack me instead of my argument.

[Wakeup]

Sorry did I misread? ? ?

And there you are at it again. Why does age even come into a factor?

because you're showing your inexperience and immaturity... thats the only reason why.

This is ridiculous. I have been debating your ARGUMENTS up until your apparent need to repeatedly insert snide remarks about "being careful about my asexuality" (HOW IS THAT EVEN RELEVANT?)

Its just as releveant as him saying "he wished he could meet girls like you where he is.

and insinuating that other peoples arguments are less valid because they are younger than you, therefore their experiences carry less weight.

No one said that. I suggest you go back and read. You're deflecting from the original question once again.

Its really offputting and not very constructive.

It's only "off-putting because you are not comprehending what you're reading (even putting words in my mouth) and you are projecting your own insecurity about being argued with.

I can't continue a debate if you're going to attack me instead of my argument.

I'm not attacking you... You were attacking me for simply stating a valid point that with age you will understand more about what most people in this thread have been relaying.

We don't agree. That is a fact by now. This is a forum discussion board set up to exchange ideas and give advice FROM STRANGERS. My question to you is why are you taking such offence from a stranger? Why are you even worrying about what I have to say? I don't take what you say so personally... even when you put me me down without even realizing you're doing it... or even when we disagree.

If you "can't" debate anymore then thats fine. The best way to stop debating is to actually stop debating. No?

[dontaskme]

Of course....these are generalization.

So to sum up... GENERALLY, men and women don't have consistent, purely platonic friendship.

And to counter, in general, platonic friendships don't necessarily end up in emotional affairs.

[Maple1714]

I have never had a purely platonic friendship with a man, unless he was gay. I've thought some of my friendships were platonic, but at some point in time one of us has always entertained the idea of more...and I have had A LOT of close male friends, still do. A lot of them are married now and have drifted away of course, but the ones who are still single have at some point openly acknowledge their feelings for me and we have mutually decided to just remain friends. No man is "just friends" with a woman for the long run, unless there is a certain degree of romantic feelings present.

It's funny, as I have gotten older it seems no longer socially acceptable to have close male friendships. It almost seems as if social influences/pressures push towards not staying platonic friends. Guess I'm just in the middle of the baby making years...so men need to find women to procreate with and vice versa.

[michelle23]

Yup all my past male friends who I thought were "just friends" asked me out at some point. They were even so immature they took stupid bets like "who can kiss her first". Friends don't do that. I ended up going out with one and when I found out about the bet, I was so crazy mad, I dumped him he begged, pleaded, swore black and blue that it was just a joke and he genuinly had feelings. I just said **** you

[TablesandChairs]

There is no one truth, it's entirely dependent on the people involved, their motivations and sense of boundaries. For example, my friends best male friend just got a new girlfriend; all I ever hear is how 'crap' she is. My friend clearly has feelings for this friend, gets routinely jealous, spiteful and upset when he prioritises his girlfriend over her. That's not really cool. For some insane reason, she can't see any of this and will deny it absurdly.

Point is, it's possible but not always. Where a friend over-steps boundaries and creates friction between two people in a relationship, then their motivations have to be questioned. A friend is a friend; if you're getting jealous and possessive or demanding too much of their time (one-on-one etc), then you're not a friend, you're just a weasel.

[TheEvilJester]

To me, I think it can be best summed up that it can be done, but only if appropriate boundaries are followed. As some have said, anything that could reasonably be construed as "date-like activity" should be avoided between two friends of the opposite gender if one or both of them are in a relationship. I mean, honestly for that matter, it should probably be avoided even if neither is, otherwise feelings could get complicated for one or the other. However, boundaries especially need to be respected if one or both are in a relationship.

And again, I do mean anything that could REASONABLY be construed as date-like activity. You can't just classify everything as date-like activity. Something I would just as soon do with a male buddy is not something that I would consider date-like. It's hard to specifically qualify, I guess, but if its something where there would be some doubt as to whether it is date-like or not, then probably best just to avoid it in this kind of situation.