what am I feeling? love or distraction?

[samantha11]

I met a guy in November and I have been in touch with him since then. I was with my ex boyfriend that time whom I was dating since 2010. I loved my ex immensely. He was the world to me and I never saw beyond him.
In Feb this year I found out that my ex had been cheating on me with a another woman. I was devastated. I left him. He didn't come back and went to her.

I was torn but all of a sudden this guy friend of mine started clouding my thoughts. I never approached him romantically but tried to keep myself distracted by him by just thinking about him since the thoughts of my ex made me almost sick with worry and pain.

I don't understand what I feel for my friend. On one side I think I like him since I like looking at him and admiring him.

I also felt upset when he showed a few pics he took with an old female friend of his. I don't like it if he hangs out with other females.
I also tend to worry what if he comes up with women or what if he likes his old female friend at job parties.

But on the other side, I feel nothing when I see him.
Neither I feel happy if he accomplishes something. In fact one or twice I felt upset that he was appreciated in public. His birthday is coming up and I am like OK, not excited.
He is a bit of an upstart and has really bad fashion sense/colour combo sense and I felt funny about him.

I am at wits end coz all my friends are connected to him. He gave his official keys to me to handle his work when he's gone. I have even been appointed to manage his one of his official work portfolio/page which is why I have to see his face everywhere.

What is this? Is it case of sour grapes that I can't have him because of my weird attitude so I keep saying bad things about him?
Or its just infatuation/distraction/rebound?

People say that people come in our lives for a reason. My ex came and destroyed my life like slow poison which I didn't understand. I still don't hate him. Its not his fault. I always wished and wanted the best for him.
Today he is in ruins, destroying himself, his relationships and life by being a druggie sleaze bag with sleazy females.
Sadly, all my good intentions went in the drain, like it always happens with me.

I think about someone's welfare but it never happens. But my 6 year old experience with him taught me a lot of things (I knew him from 2008). And it threw me from the top of a mountain to the foot of the mountain.

Now why is this guy in my life. Whom I never noticed? Until February when all of a sudden, as if my mind start developing thoughts of him, while I was trying to distract myself from my ex's antics.

What is the aim here? To cause more grief?

[MonaLisa]

How do you feel when you go on dates together? That should give you an idea of what you really feel for him.