Struggling with sickening jealousy

[Brokyln]

Hey all,

So I've been with this amazing girl for almost a year now. Both of us are in our late twenties, and I can quite frankly say that the last eight months or so have been the best of my life. I'm pretty sure my girlfriend feels the same way and I've had a number of her friends and family mention to me over the past year or so how happy she seems, and how happy they are about that.

So, we just moved to a new city. She got a new job, we both wanted to try living/working in a new place so we went for it. Got a great apartment in a really nice spot and are enjoying the experience. For the most part it's been great. However, since we moved, I've been suffering with a burning jealousy that makes me feel sick to my stomach on a daily basis. Extreme and surprising feelings since it's not something I've ever experienced before.

Here's what's behind it... or what I think it behind it. She works in fashion, and spends quite a bit of time fitting guys clothing on guys. She works in a relatively small team but has begun to talk about this guy fairly regularly. Not like "Oh he's so awesome", just things like "He said this place is great, or he did this at the weekend and said it was good, we (her and I) should go". She also talks about her job ALL the time. She loves it. It is the best job of her career, pays well and it genuinely is a great opportunity.

And since all this has started, whenever I think of her at work during the day, spending time pinning shirts on this guy, I feel awful.

I'm so frustrated with myself. I don't have any reason to doubt her, as far as I know, she's always been 100% faithful to previous boyfriends. We're almost 30 so we've both experimented and have what I'd call is a 'healthy' past, and she's certainly not a dishonest person.

In terms of what I'm actually anxious about, I don't know if it's a fear she's going to jump in this guys pants, or whether it's just jealousy that she's spending time with him having a good time rather than me? Or a combination of the two.

Either way, it feels horrible, I know it's wrong, I don't want it to ruin our relationship (or me!) so I'm asking for some advice on how to deal with it.

Thanks,

[woody]

Okay. I'll start off by saying congrats on the adventure of embracing a new City, new place and a good relationship!

It is natural to feel pangs of protective instincts over our significant others, natural. Yet if and when that becomes jealousy that makes you feel nuts inside you simply must find a way to breath, take a step back and rationally reflect. This will not be easy while in the throws of a jealous hold, not easy at all; but do able. You cannot sabotage your love with false assumptions.
Sure, she talks about this person. She does work with him, this is normal. Your both new to town and it's good she's making a work friend.
The WORST thing you could do is get suspicious and start behaving badly. My advice? Meet him at some point. If he has become your ladies friend at work perhaps the three of you could share an outing sometime; get to know this guy and more so, let him get to know you. Show your lady (and him) how comfortable and confident and charming you are. Do your best not to be smug for this will backfire.

Bottom line; she's doing great; loves her job, loves you and she's excited for both of you. Don't allow a friendship in bloom to fray your edges. Besides, she doesn't know many people. It is normal to make friends.

Meet the guy. Be on your best behavior and I'm sure you'll find he poses no threat at all and if he does have a crush on your lady, the worst thing you could do is behave like a cave man so just, be your awesome confident self. He'll get the message, believe me he would. And your lady will be so proud to have you at her side as the natural levels of trust and love are so apparent. Be the strong, confident and loving couple that you are. Shine by each other's affections.
Very few people would ever mess with such strength.
Meet him. Pick her up from work, something, but meet him. You'll see, there's nothing to worry about

good luck

[nico88]

Woody kinda nailed this one on the head. Don't think you're gunna get any better advice than what's written above..

[TablesandChairs]

Jealousy is generally regarded as a negative emotion because we associate it with possessiveness, fits of anger, control and so forth. But...it's actually normal, too (and most normal people experience it). It's a sign that we love someone and don't want to lose them. It's how the emotion is controlled that matters - you don't want to make your partner feel like she can't tell you things/can't do things for fear of your reaction; that's relationship suicide. Once you go down that path, it's hard to rectify, anxiety will set in on her side and she'll start pulling back.

Instead, take it for what it is: you love her, you don't want to lose her to some dude she works with. It's just anxiety. You're in a new city, things in your life have changed...and she's moving forward, happily - and so should you. Challenge irrational emotions and don't let them get to the better of you. It sounds like you've got a good life and maybe a part of you fears losing it (which again, is normal) but just try to enjoy.