Online Dating

[Inexperienced1]

I met a guy online through an dating site and we hit it off, we started messaging on the site and went on to Skype we started with flirting and then a little dirty talk and then he sent me an xrated photo of himself normally I would have ended it right then but I feel we have a connection and as I'm very overweight and he is really good looking and likes large girls I thought I'll never have another chance so continued with flirting etc.. he then asked for a photo of my breasts I would never do this ever but did I don't know why anyway after this I told him that I was a virgin and lived a very sheltered life and he (as any man would) liked the idea of being the first so we continued with our communications etc and then went as far as to have a little Skype sex (which made me feel really dirty because my mum raised me better than that).

He has now sent me a link of an information page from reddit about BDSM, I told him it's not something that I'm interested in and things seemed okay, but when we text he always refers to it and how he likes to be dominant, we plan to meet when he is next in London (he lives in Spain) but I don't want to get in to a situation that could become risky or dangerous..I really like this guy and at my age (late 30's) I really want to lose my virginity and have a meaningful relationship.

I just don't know what to do, I think this guy is my only chance but I don't want to do any of that BDSM stuff it makes me feel sick. In addition to that I think he may be in a relationship, he says he's single but the times he comes on to chat are quite late and he is usually in his living room and when we were chatting one afternoon it appeared he just slammed the laptop closed all of a sudden then messaged me saying his computer crashed. I know that I should just end it before things go anywhere but worry that this is my only chance.

Does anyone have any adivce?

[nico88]

Sounds like this guy is just looking to get laid. If that's all you want and you're ok with it then I'd say go for it. But you mentioned something about wanting a meaningful relationship and I don't see if working out that way with this guy. I mean first of all he lives in Spain and second you think he may be in a relationship already..doesn't sound really promising to me you know?

If you're ready to lose your vcard and you're at a point where you don't care if it's with mr. right or mr. right now then this would basically be the perfect one night stand. He lives in another country for christ's sake. But if what you're looking for is sex with someone you could see yourself starting a future with then I wouldn't waste it on this guy.

But I'm not here to tell you what to do..you're and adult and can do whatever you want. But I will leave you with this: sometimes when you get to the point where you're tired of waiting and are close to given up is actually when you find the right person.

Just don't give up or settle for love. That's my only advice.

[Inexperienced1]

Sounds like this guy is just looking to get laid. If that's all you want and you're ok with it then I'd say go for it. But you mentioned something about wanting a meaningful relationship and I don't see if working out that way with this guy. I mean first of all he lives in Spain and second you think he may be in a relationship already..doesn't sound really promising to me you know?

If you're ready to lose your vcard and you're at a point where you don't care if it's with mr. right or mr. right now then this would basically be the perfect one night stand. He lives in another country for christ's sake. But if what you're looking for is sex with someone you could see yourself starting a future with then I wouldn't waste it on this guy.

But I'm not here to tell you what to do..you're and adult and can do whatever you want. But I will leave you with this: sometimes when you get to the point where you're tired of waiting and are close to given up is actually when you find the right person.

Just don't give up or settle for love. That's my only advice.

Thanks Nico, I think I just needed to hear it from someone else...I would have sex with him just to get it over with if it wasn't for the whole BDSM thing so I think your advice is the best way to go and who knows maybe I will find the right person. Thanks again.

[nico88]

Yeah the fact that he seems really into it means he could actually force it on your in the moment and it could end up being a scary experience for you. I think you're making the right move.

Good luck to you you in the future. Hope you find what you're looking for.

[TablesandChairs]

Your weight issues are making you very insecure and ready to jump at the first fetishist creep that pays you attention. You've been a virgin for so long, do you want to lose it to a guy you a) know nothing about and b) clearly displays all the warning signs of just wanting to get laid/fool around.

I knew a guy who would go online and only date 'fat' chicks because, as he put it, it was a guaranteed lay. He didn't want to waste his time/money on skinny chicks who wouldn't put out and actually had expectations.

This sounds harsh but I hope it resonates somewhat - even if he did have a preference for larger women (we're all attracted to different things so that in itself is nothing strange), he should be treating you with respect if his intentions were genuine, not bringing up BDSM every minute or sending photos of his anatomy...when men do this, it means they don't have serious intentions...it's that simple.

Being overweight does NOT mean you have to settle for any old pervert that comes your way - I know plenty of larger women who have fantastic partners. But, if it makes you feel that; do something about it - there are a lot of options out there now to assist in weight loss and sometimes you have to bite the bullet and do something good for yourself.

[Inexperienced1]

Your weight issues are making you very insecure and ready to jump at the first fetishist creep that pays you attention. You've been a virgin for so long, do you want to lose it to a guy you a) know nothing about and b) clearly displays all the warning signs of just wanting to get laid/fool around.

I knew a guy who would go online and only date 'fat' chicks because, as he put it, it was a guaranteed lay. He didn't want to waste his time/money on skinny chicks who wouldn't put out and actually had expectations.

This sounds harsh but I hope it resonates somewhat - even if he did have a preference for larger women (we're all attracted to different things so that in itself is nothing strange), he should be treating you with respect if his intentions were genuine, not bringing up BDSM every minute or sending photos of his anatomy...when men do this, it means they don't have serious intentions...it's that simple.

Being overweight does NOT mean you have to settle for any old pervert that comes your way - I know plenty of larger women who have fantastic partners. But, if it makes you feel that; do something about it - there are a lot of options out there now to assist in weight loss and sometimes you have to bite the bullet and do something good for yourself.

Thanks T&C, I have sent him a message to end things before anything happens so will keep looking.. it is difficult meeting people especially being overweight and insecure but what you say about not settling makes a lot of sense, I have tried to lose weight in the past and am currently trying to but as I am on medication that can cause weight gain it's a bit harder than it would be without the meds and I would never go the surgery route because that's just not an answer or solution for anything..

I've had some good advice on here so thanks for your response I do feel I have options and shouldn't just settle.