She and I: Friends and fellow musicians

[Rompi]

Hi everyone

I've made a couple of intermittent posts on this forum before. I thought I'd see if I could get any more useful feedback.

So my gf broke up with me about 3 months ago due to a number of pressing issues. The main reason for this was due to my intense passion for her which she simply could not reciprocate. She has also been very busy as it's her final year of school (I am a year younger). I was quite upset afterwards, but admittedly, she did what was best for both of us. I feel this breakup was for the best. I feel she was very brave and responsible to take such action. Unfortunately, this has also made it harder to move on.

When we did breakup, I made the resolution not to contact her for a while to allow myself to recover. So far, while it hasn't been easy, I have managed to not contact her once since the breakup. In the few instances that we have met (we have some mutual connections and ties), she has been surprised by this and has even asked me if I was seeing someone else. The few times we have met have been a bit nerve racking to me, but I have been able to keep a relatively cool, amicable exterior. It must be noted too that she hasn't contacted me at all since the breakup either. In spite of my curiosity, I have stayed away from social networking sites. As a result, I haven't really seen her much over these past few months.

However, I must concede that I do not want my relationship with her to die. Yes, I do still have feelings for her and yes, I do secretly hope that one day, our relationship can work, but it is really hurting me that these feelings are preventing me from having a friendship with her, as we were friends before we dated.

Not only do I miss her friendship, but also her musicianship. You see, I am a double bassist and she is a drummer. The two instruments, in jazz at least, are the driving dynamic of the rhythm and groove in the genre and when we played together, it felt absolutely fantastic as we were able to lock in with one another. I really miss being able to play with a drummer on such an intimate and cohesive level. Finding a drummer that plays well and also corresponds to your playing style is a real challenge. Admittedly, I met another great drummer a few weeks ago who I was able to really groove with, but unfortunately, he lives on the other side of town, making it difficult for us to play together regularly. Due to school commitments and being a young musician into jazz and lacking musical connections, it is unlikely I will find another drummer to connect to anytime soon.

So here is the question. How can I overcome my intimate feelings for her in order to reestablish the friendship and musical connection we use to have? I know many people advocate that it is momentously difficult to have a friendship with an ex, but I don't want our musical/friend connection to die along with our romantic one. Although I do harbour fantasies of getting back together with her, I recognise they are nothing more than that. I do not want to make any active effort to win her back as if we were meant to be together in that way, I believe it would happen regardless of what I do. But I do feel rather strongly about our musical connection, it is something I wish to regain and enjoy again. How should I go about doing this? I don't think I will be contacting her for another few months, but when I do, I really want to relay out some good foundations for a strong drummer-bassist friendship.

Thanks

[Rompi]

After some consideration, I have decided that thread is not really that relevant to this forum and for that reason I suggest those reading it ignore it. I will try and start up a new thread that is more relevant and hence, more useful for myself, soon. Sorry for the littering.