Hi all - just to ask for your advice as am feeling quite cra##y at the moment...
Have been in a civil partnership for 2 years with my partner who I have been in a relationship with for 5 years. I am 38 he is 28. He is from Argentina, and we spent a lot of energy amd time to get our relationship to work - but to be honest it was me that was doing a lot of the earning money, planning, etc
My partner came over to live here in the UK on a temporary 2 year visa. It became apparent when he got here, he was not interested in finding a job or making a life for himself here. I would often come back home to find he would be online or playing computer games. I tried to set up jobs, social activities etc but he was dismissive of my attempts - I even arranged relationship counselling which he said he did not want to attend. This led to lots of arguments and me withdrawing into myself. Eventually my partner went back to Argentina for some time apart with the view of returning to UK - however I kept stalling until it all came out and I said I was not happy with him or us as a couple.

I have found myself in arguments saying some really mean things that I would never say to anyone else - he can be quite dramatic and accuses me of cheating, with holding money, not pushing him enough etc. I am not perfect, but I cannot cope with the stress - we had an open relationship where only he could see other people. He also didnt financially contribute to anything, saw fit one to punch me in public (which he was dismissive of) and also once spiked my drink with drugs unbeknown to me (luckily they were dud pills).

I know on paper it says get the hell out of it, but I am feeling guilty and bad about ending things. He is upset, and says he was depressed but is now different. He is a nice guy and I enjoy his company but I feel like the more I have got to known him the more I realise we dont work together. I keep getting daily emails from him about how much I have hurt him and wrecked his life. Am I right to feel so crap, I feel defeated & foolish that something I worked hard for has turned out not to be what I had planned. does this feeling get better? I find it difficult to go out and do things, and I am drinking too much alcohol and smoking a lot of weed to cope with how I am feeling

Any advice would be appreciated