Men don't follow through with me

[violet11]

This is a recent problem, having just started maybe a year ago. Guys ask me out, or I go on dates with them, and then they don't call me again. They seem interested in me, attracted to me, but they don't follow through. I ended up with my last guy because I initiated a lot of the contact.

The reflex assumption is probably that I have a terrible personality or that I'm unattractive, but honestly… I have good social skills, I'm interesting, and men are definitely attracted to me.

I know a large part of the problem is that I'm attracted to emotionally unavailable men. But now I'm trying to change who I'm attracted to, and I'm really starting to think it's me.

I wonder if I don't give men validation that they need in order to feel driven to pursue? I know how to get them to do it - be charming; compliment them, and it worked for me in the past, but I don't want to be fake like that anymore because I know it ends up attracting the wrong guys.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated…

<3

[dem862]

How are your looks?

[violet11]

I'm very attractive.

[violet11]

Can anyone please help?

[TablesandChairs]

It's hard to say because we can't see you interacting with these people. In my experience, being pretty is pretty much enough to get you a follow-up call.

[dontaskme]

How's your personality? Are you smart and can hold a diverse conversation? Are you interesting enough or men find you boring?
How do you define "good social skills"?

Beauty alone will not keep a man's attention. You gotta be able to offer something else beside having a pretty face. Look into yourself closely or ask some friends to give you an honest opinion of your persona in general.

[ameliefaithc]

I think it's good that at least you are aware that you are attracted to emotionally unavailable men. If you can reprogram your mind to consciously want to be attracted to emotionally healthy & available men, that would be best. Truth is, many women aren't able to do this. Not on their own without some help.

You also mentioned you're wondering if you don't give men validation for them to feel driven to pursue you. Men do appreciate encouragement from time to time, but they DO NOT NEED you to give them the go-ahead to pursue you. They have natural hunter instincts and they will go after women they can't help but feel attracted to.

I trust that when you say you're physically attractive, interesting, have good social skills.. you really are. So if there's any valid reason why men aren't following through, it's HOW you relate to them.

Another thing I want you to be certain of is...what kind of man are you looking for? Be honest with yourself, and write down the qualities you want in your man. Thereafter, check if you have qualities that will make a good fit for the man you want!

There's only so much I can type here. Hope that helps. PM me if you need further advice.

[vashti]

You can be attractive AND be able to carry on normal conversation, and still not be a match.

[dem862]

.I have good social skills, I'm interesting, and men are definitely attracted to me.

I wonder if I don't give men validation that they need in order to feel driven to pursue? I know how to get them to do it - be charming; compliment them, and it worked for me in the past, but I don't want to be fake like that anymore because I know it ends up attracting the wrong guys.

<3

There is not much to go on here, but my gut instinct says they don't like you because you are narcissistic.

[Wakeup]

^^^ that made me lol

OP: Maybe if you grabbed them by the package at the end of the date and said "there's more where this came from if you call me back." You'd get date two?

In all seriousness; If you're not showing them that you're keen, that you have a physical attraction to them, if you're there like you're on an interview for a job, then you're going to bore the eff out of them. Are you acting stiff and like you're interviewing for a job? I'm not saying you should make a trip to the bedroom on date one (never do that IMO) but you should (if you are attracted to them) be showing them in body language and eye contact that you like what you see.

Thats if you're attracted to them and there is a connection. If you're not attracted nor do you have a connection of some sort, then why would you even want date two?

[milk&honey]

Like you say, maybe you're just attracted to the wrong type of men. Or you could be too pretty & smart, and they all think you're out of their league.

[Wakeup]

"too pretty or smart and you're out of their league." Puleeeeze! If they thought that, they'd not have the ballzzz to ask her out in the first place. They don't think she's "too" anything. That's the problem.

[woody]

Dear O.P

I would imagine that 'keeping it real' ought help. Perhaps that by throwing out the compliments that you claim often made you feel 'fake'; well, perhaps they picked up on that.
and like someone else said, not everybody's a match so perhaps you just haven't met your type yet.
You will.
And when you do, there is no need to blow smoke this way or that; just keep it real.

Rather have a genuine frown than a fake smile any day of the week.