Aussie girl meets American man in the USA. Unbelievable Situation. Advice please!

[LoveIsFarAway]

I am a 25 year old university educated woman. Very independent. I live and own my own house in Australia because I worked hard and saved. I'm used to looking after myself. I can build and fix everything. Very confident and high self esteem. I have an excellent job that allows me to support myself comfortably.

I have always found it hard to meet like minded people. My relationships seem to end because my partner doesn't want to be ambitious, travel the world and have a great time working hard and seeing the fruition of what hard work can bring. They mooch off of my success.

On the 1st of July this year, I treated myself to what I thought would be a 2 week holiday on the west coast of the USA.

On the 4th of July I was in Arizona in the middle of the desert. It was late, I was alone and wanted to see something new.

I went into a bar playing live music. After a while I noticed a handsome man. I walked up to him, smiled and said in my Australian accent "What's a pretty thing like you doing in a place like this?"

Obviously shocked, he smiled and asked if he could get me a drink. He had never met an Australian girl. No less a extroverted one at that.

We talked and found out we had uncanny things in common. His name is a shortened version of my name. Let's call him J. Our birthdays are two days apart. Different years. He's 4 years older than me.

That night we had an amazing one night stand. It was more than just sexual attraction, he was so smart and ambitious. Has an excellent job and is college educated. We talked politics, religion, music, work, sex, study, travel, fitness.

We exchanged numbers and I honestly thought I would never see him again. But that was ok with me because I had a good time either way.

He lives in Illinois and was visiting his grandparents who live in Arizona.

We kept in contact, texting 10 times a day, calling, sending stupid selfie photos.

I was due to go back to Australia on the 12th. I was in San Francisco the night before I was due to leave. I received a call from him saying he wanted to see me again and that he would fly me to Chicago to see him. Stay in his apartment, all expenses paid.

He works 5 days out of 7 interstate. He only comes home 3 days a week. So I would have the apartment to myself and he wanted to take me to music festivals and wine and dine on the weekend.

I got on that plane and had the most amazing time. He was the real deal. Lives in a very pricey part of town (I was shocked and impressed that he was so well off and in such a senior position). Is everything I've ever looked for in a guy. The fact that he is out of town works great for me because I am happy being alone and am naturally not dependant on men. He is organised and ambitious.

I ended up staying for a month. During that time I was curious about why he was still single. He explained that he had recently come out of a relationship with an older woman. She was very emotionally dependant and didn't understand that in the 3 days a week that he is home, he couldn't always be exclusively with her. He wants his own place, own space. Time to hang out with his mates alone. She wanted kids because she was over 35 but he wasn't ready. They were together for 2 years. It was his longest relationship.

I was very appreciative of his honesty. It actually attracted me more because he thinks so much like me. I just want to see him be happy, and i can make friends wherever I go because I am genuine with people and can make people laugh with my eccentric personality.

He was very reserved though. He doesn't like public displays of affection. I'm not much one for that either. he was afraid of his ex girlfriend finding out about me because he had been seeing her every other weekend before he met me. I'm younger, smarter, more successful and more beautiful than her. That's cool with me too. I honestly never thought that it would have turned into a great friendship with amazing sex.

I had to go home, and I don't want to put my emotions on him because I want him to have his space and do whatever he likes, and catch up on all that stuff he couldn't do when he was involved with her.

I'm also not a jealous person. I am extremely respectful and loyal. While he was away and I had his place to myself I had MANY opportunities with other men, but was never tempted because that's not what I was there for.

My feelings for him are like nothing I have felt before. His happiness, seeing him smile is more important to me then spending every waking moment together.

When he left for work on my last day, he woke up earlier than me. Went for a run. Got changed and gave me a peck on the lips. I thought it was a rather quick goodbye. I never got the chance to ask him how he felt about me.

Did he not want to talk about his feelings because it's a man thing or because he's still in love with his ex or because he just doesn't like me in that way?

I am planning on coming back to Chicago to live and work, but not with him. I want to do that on my own.

I am not sure on how long that would take. Perhaps 6 months or a year or even 2 years. I would have to get a visa, save my money from working, sell my car, lease my house, find a new job in the USA find my own apartment, sell my furniture, buy new furniture, buy a new car in the USA. There is a lot to be done.

Now that I'm home, (I only arrived back today) I miss Chicago like crazy, and I find myself missing him too.

We have sent 4 long emails to each other since I got back. He texted me all throughout my long journey back to Australia to make sure I was ok. Our emails are like great mates though. Nothing about love or sex. No I miss you on his part. Nothing that would indicate that he would want something more. When I did stay with him, the whole ex girlfriend thing made me very conscious not to be too emotional with him. So I was shy about that because I really like him.

Am I playing it right with this guy? I don't care what he does, but I want to know what I should do.

There is a guy in Australia who likes me very much, but I don't want to tie myself down just in case this turns into something more.

He did say to my face that he likes me very very much but the fact that I live on the other side of the planet is hard.

What can I do? If it takes me 2 years to get back to the USA then another girl who comes from his hometown and is more convenient comes along... I expect that he will be taken by the time I get back there.

So guys, from what I've told you, what do you think he's thinking and feeling about me?

Can this actually work?

Any successful stories? Any worst case scenarios?

[Haniel Dollis]

Hi. I will try and reply, this will be my second offer of advice on forums so bear with me. In terms of you thinking he still loves his ex. From my experience, I broke up with a girlfriend and went pretty much straight into another one. I was hesitant to do public displays of affection as was worried my ex would see. I already messed her up breaking up with her, and made out I didnt want another relationship, yet here I was with another girl. So this guy you like, his integrity is admirable, as he obviously respects women and peoples feelings, and didnt want to risk his ex seeing you two together and hurting her further perhaps?

In terms of this guy going cold on you, again I can relate. I got into a relationship v recently, and we just broke up but still in contact. She said she is confused and needs time to think things through. Because I was so upset and hurt her breaking up with me, I feel a bit cold, and not as loving towards her as I was. Sometimes we would talk, I would speak my mind, and she would be upset by what I was saying (stuff like I dont know if I want to forget about her) then as soon as I said that, was like a weight lifting off my shoulders and I felt loving again.

So basically, ask him to tell you his feelins, perhaps you should do a phone call or skype as is easier in my opinion. Get him to open up and tell you how he is actually feeling. He may feel that you two getting together wont happen because of the visa issue and maybe he is trying to avoid getting hurt by commiting. But you wont know until you actually hear it from him.

Stop second guessing how he is feeling and just get it from him. That is my main advice