Mother problems

[Archie]

Hello dearest loveforum members!
Today I've come here for advice and hopefully I get a little bit of clarity on the matter.

Now this might sound like I'm a kid, but that's not true. Due to certain circumstances I live with my mother.
Last week my girlfriend came to visit, I was also having a friend come over and the three of us, we had a good time. After my friend left it was just me, my girlfriend and my mother left at home. After dinner I was asked to wash the dishes, which I did, but I made a slightly offensive joke to my mom and what do you know, she went all berserk on me. Telling me her rights and my rights, etc. Now that would have been fine if my girlfriend wasn't there, sitting right next to her.
We let the matter slide for the rest of the evening, but during the next morning, I was taking a shower, and my mother started lecturing my girlfriend.
Now this put me in an awkward spot, as now my girl doesn't want to see my mother and my mother on the other hand hates my girlfriend, as their life values differ too much.. In the evening of that same day, I got lectured and found out what are my mothers thoughts about my realtionship and they were not good. I don't plan to leave my girlfriend because of her stupid opinion, I know better what's good for me, but still..knowing this is really edgy.

What should I do to eleviate this situation? It's been tearing me up inside, knowing that the both of them won't get along if they meet. This situation has put a huge load on our relationship and even made me rethink why I'm together with this girl, to which I have no doubt - my reason is that she makes me feel wanted, like a man and like a person, and there's no way I'm breaking up with her. Especially not because of something stupid.

So if anyone has had similar experiences, it would be great to know your story and how you dealt with it.
Thank you very much!

[anya_may21]

You are an adult and can date whom you please, your mother doesn't need to approve of your love partners, would be nice if she did, and everyone gets along but that doesn't always happen.

Do you live at home for rent free, that might be why your mom felt a need to speak up and put in her many cents in on your joke and your GF.

Just don't bring your GF over anymore, go elsewhere and do not discuss your GF with your mom anymore, if she told you she hates her that has earned her the right to no longer hear about her.

Just tell her sorry for the joke, hope she apologises too and move on.

[Archie]

Well, it's kinda my apartment by fact, but it was her and my father that bought it, been living there since I was little, but we do share the rent and groceries, mosly 1/2 each.
But you're right, it's none of her business, thankfully that she understands and respects. I was thinking of bringing them together at some point when all this has cooled down, but I don't know. I feel stupid cause I can't bring my gf to my apartment.

[dem862]

Well, it sounds like your mother felt her rights were being violated in some way. She may need to hear some support or validation in that area. If you are a grown man, you should be able to bring your friends to your home. But it is also your mother's home and you have to respect that too. What is called for here is compromise since you share the apartment. If that is not possible, one of you may need to move out.

[mylady]

"Your rights and her rights"...

You are an adult man. Your mother overstepped her boundaries. She should not disrespect you in front of anyone who you bring to your home. If she continues disrespecting you in front of women, those women may think it is ok to disrespect you too.

Ever heard the saying, "a man marries a woman like his mother". I you want your girlfriends to be like your mom, keep bringing them over so she can turn them into bitter, argumentative women.

Stop bringing women over or talk to your mom about not disrespecting you in front of company. She should not tell you to wash dishes in front of anyone. You are a man, not her teenage son.

If it continues, you might have to get your own place.

[anya_may21]

Well, it's kinda my apartment by fact, but it was her and my father that bought it, been living there since I was little, but we do share the rent and groceries, mosly 1/2 each.
But you're right, it's none of her business, thankfully that she understands and respects. I was thinking of bringing them together at some point when all this has cooled down, but I don't know. I feel stupid cause I can't bring my gf to my apartment.

I don't think your mom is going to give up any control on the place regardless if it belongs to you both, she will still see it as they bought it and she is older( the mother card)

Isn't fair if you pay rent not to feel comfortable having your GF over but how much would you enjoy the cat fights, an animosity?

If you bring them together do it outside of the apartment.

[vashti]

I made a slightly offensive joke to my mom and what do you know, she went all berserk on me.

What was this "slightly offensive" joke? Did you humiliate her in front of your girlfriend?

Lacking this detail, it sounds like the entire scenario was YOUR fault, and you should apologize.

Also, grown men should not live with their parents. It robs you of the ability to be seen as a man.

[Wakeup]

I agree with Vashti and I'd like to ask why you're mother had to ask you to do the dishes and why you and your girlfriend just didn't volunteer to help you instead of sitting there on her arse while you offended your mother?

This is YOUR mothers house. You rent it from her so you need to respect her if you're going to live there. It will be one awkward and horrible marriage if you girfriend and your mother are too stubborn to try and get along respectfully with one another so I suggest you talk sensible with your mother by telling her that currently, you love this girl and you don't want to give her up and you want them to like one another and what can be done in her opinion to facilitate a lasting truce. Your girlfriend will have to learn the word "compromise" as well.

She's not so great if she won't even do that.

Everyone else on this thread is just giving you enabling advice to be a twat about this.