bringing back sex desire in my bf

[Shewolf]

My partner and I have recently had ruff times and almost broke up. Before in our relationship i was very jelouse, on him masturbating sometimes even while watchin movie if there were some naked sexy woman i made a scene..i guess it harmed him more than i could imagine. Slowly our sex was going down and we had it only once or twice a week and i was complaining about it a lot. I was telling him he doesnt find me attractive etc. He felt bad for it, and said he just lost all desire generally, indeed he didnt seem horny. But i know it is my fault that leaded to that. Now i went to live with my family for awhile to give him time couse he almost broke up with me, he said generally i gave too much pressure on him and he lost passion. Well he said in the moments when i look at him like i love him he feels like he loves me, and when i look at him like i dont love him he feels like he doesnt love me. we kept in touch by phone and after one month of being away he said he really loves me and doesnt wanna lose me. he keeps saying how much he loves me now. but problem when we try to have phone or skype sex, he seems like he does it more to favor me. or may be at first he is horny and when i start to react on his horniness with my horniness he loses it some and i feel like he is trying just to do me a favor. im guessing he still have so much emotional presure that I personally can be a turn off to him too. before we went apart i asked if we can have sex before and he said he can have it physical but not mentaly. and i feel like its same issue now. may be im wrong, i dont know. but im afraid to bring the topic on couse when i do he closes himself and he goes more turned off. how to solve this to get back on right track? we both have quite high libido and we used to love sex together but now this. how to change what i have done so far? just give it time? can i do anything? im in another state finishing some duties right now and i will return to our home in september. but im some afraid how will we be about sex, and that it would influence on our relationship. btw we are together 4 years, long time it was on distance but 6 months ago we started to live together. I had nothin to do in his place, no job and not much friends yet so i was a lot around him. thats why he also felt suffocated probably cuz we were together every possible minute (except when he worked). but i never forced him at least i felt so, sometime i even sent him to be with his friends. anyway i hope you can help me with the sexual problem. i really dont know what to do. for now im just keeping it silent and try to give it time.
btw my looks are not bad, i can see by guys reaction that they find me attractive..and my boyfriend was crazy about me, thats why i think i killed his passion psychologicaly..

[nico88]

I don't see how you could "kill his passion" just from being jealous..I can get that maybe he felt suffocated when you guys moved in together tho. That sometimes happens..but to me it sounds like maybe when you moved in he realized maybe he wasn't as invested in the relationship as originally thought and instead of just addressing the issue he's ignoring it. Has he lost interest in you completely? Like do you guys not go out anymore, does he text or call you less..etc? If your answer is yes than just trying to feed his sexual desires is not gunna make everything better. You're gunna have to have a sit down and talk about what's bothering the both of you. If he loves you and wants this relationship he'll do it...if not then maybe it's time to move on.

But since you really just wanted advice on how to spice up the sex life maybe put on some sexy lingerie for him, you know go all out with it. I'm sure you did this in the beginning of the relationship but its good to still keep it up even years into it I think- send him a dirty txt msg or pic. A lot of couples stop that kind of playfulness after awhile..thats a mistake. My gf and I read dirty stories to each other off the Internet or some book one of us found. Just something fun and different you know? It's good to try different things in bed to keep that spice alive. Whether it's a new toy or just keeping up on new positions..just have fun with it.

Good luck.

[Shewolf]

Thanks for your reply Nico. Well the thing is I am sending him dirty pictures and i do wear sexy things and go on him when we are together. But he just doesnt react much, sometime he does, sometime not well definetly not as much as he used to. which I think is not normal for a guy. I would understand if he was stressed or tired but I think is about me. Well may be jelousy seems like not a big deal, but I was going crazy for years and i think he got really frightened about everythin he does. Once he said he cant talk relaxed to me anymore couse he is always afraid of my reaction. But the thing is now i've changed, I got things sattled in my mind but i dont know how to fix the damage i did. may b just give him time. may be not even offer him sex. im afraid that he will be fine without sex but i dont know. may b i shud give him air. i cant see in his mind, i wish i could. i really dont know whats the problem. he is texting me all the time now, and asking when would i come and wishing i was there. but then i put initiative for phone sex, he follows but not as excited as he usually did. by his replies it seems to me like he just doesnt wanna hurt me with showing i dont attract him and thats why he does phone sex. or may be he sees in my eyes that i need confirmation of he is stil attracted and it brings all the past blamings on his mind. i really messed up his head about sex i know that. and i heard before that even with guys it must be psychological connection to sex too. may b when he sees me, he remembers all the attcks and blamings that im not attracting him, may be he feels bad thinking me and sex together and he just cant light up. this is my womans thinking..but as i cant understand your guys thinking im posting here...
well you are right about something: before i left from his place may b a month ago he stoped investing in relationship, and i was blaming him for that. which is causing ignoring and avoiding the issue. well i really cant understand your mind guys..he used to care and would do anything now he says we are together for so long he just wants peace between us and to be happy and calm. i wouldnt bother him if he simply talked to me some.. well i know now when i come to his city again, ill live my life more and give him space. im happier that way too, i think we both would be happier this way. but now this sex thing...its botherin me but may be i should just give him time or how.

[nico88]

The only way to work through any of this is to be vocal about it. Stress that you love him and want the relationship to work but need to know what's bothering him so you two can work things out together..

[Stay 2gether]

hey lady yea i see how u mite have ran him away trust me i have been through all things in a relationship and i just wanted to suggest to u something that i have found to help me and i think it could be good for u and your partner try this link and let me know what u think!

[Pandora's Box]

Hi there - I am from England. Reading your posts sounds just like the kind of thing I would have written 18 years ago. I am now going to save you 18 years of grief and be totally honest with you and you may not like what I have to say. However when I have been honest with you, at least you can make a decision.

In my opinion, Porn is totally damaging to a person and a relationship - both sides. For you- you cannot ever live up to the air brushed image of perfection and neither can you ever be as fresh or as exiting of a new image. You are on a losing streak if you are hitched up to a porn addict....sorry. Here goes the voice of experience. Hey - I am cute and good looking, but I haven't had sex with my husband in 6 years and no amount of fancy underwear would alter that - so hear me. This is a problem that gets worse- it doesn't get better.

Now for love ( as opposed to sex). Yes my husband and I love one another and we stay together because we are the best of friends and we have a great life together- aside from zero sex. I am in my mid 50's now (but cute as I mentioned before) - however my life is without physical satisfaction.

The choices you have are Option a) - become like me. Love who you are with and expect a life of minimal or no sex but deal with it....Option b) all of the above and have affairs or c) move on...

Life only has 3 choices ever - 1- stick with what you have, 2- stick with what you have but alter it or 3- remove yourself from what you have and find something new...

As an aside - life aint all about sex! Give it some thought and good luck

[Wakeup]

I don't see how you could "kill his passion" just from being jealous..

Then I'll explain. When you have some one who is a raving beotch on you all the time for doing something wrong (in their eyes) then you lose an emotional connection to her/him to the point that the last thing you want to do is **** the source of your distain. A ball buster or a douche-bag can scare the bejeezus right out of your gennies.

[nico88]

Then I'll explain. When you have some one who is a raving beotch on you all the time for doing something wrong (in their eyes) then you lose an emotional connection to her/him to the point that the last thing you want to do is **** the source of your distain. A ball buster or a douche-bag can scare the bejeezus right out of your gennies.

I understand that but what I mean is if hardcore jealously was the cause then you'd think that the frustrations would manifest in more ways then just him not wanting to have sex you know?

Obviously there's something else that's keeping him from wanting to get down and dirty. At least that's how it looks to me..