Should I continue my relationship with a jealous male partner?

[Jade Lavis]

I've been with my partner for two years now, we do not live together and our relationship can be great at times and just so frustrating at others. At least once a month we have a massive fight (Via f*ing text! - excuse my language) and then we always make up, he seems to wait till I am not angry anymore, just upset and then apologizes.
This is a difficult case because I really love my partner dearly and imagine spending the rest of my life with him but not like this! I just can't do it anymore and I can't understand why he wont change so I am seeking your advice.

Basically we will enjoy a good week together (we are close friends too) and enjoy each-others company with occasional harmless arguments (about things outside of our relationship) as we are both very head strong. Then I decide to go visit my family for a day or two... we kiss and tell each-other how much we will miss each-other and everything is fine till the next morning or so. I wake up (away) and I have a text from him, no wait 4.
"Good morning".
"Are you awake darling?"
""
"You must be really busy doing something"

He always sends me sad faces and messages that make me feel really guilty! All within a few minutes of each other. I am not the most reliable texter but since I've met my partner I feel that I text all the time (which I hate!) because he loves to communicate via text. I have asked him numerous time to not send me messages that guilt trip me, to just call me or talk in person. Yet he still does it. (We text each other A LOT and I write back straight away out of habit.)

I am immediately irritated as I am sick of dealing with the same thing, then explaining to him what I was doing, why I didn't text him back straight away etc etc and we end up having a stupid text argument for hours when I am trying to look after my nephew or spend time with my family. The end result is me feeling really upset, anxious and unsure of our relationship.
It happens once a month at the least.

It has just happened again.

He's now told me I don't care about him and that I'm selfish and that he cant stand the sight of ever seeing me again. Yet I know that tomorrow most likely he will apologize and beg for me to give him the chance to work it out with me. I just don't understand what the is wrong with him, why can't we have a normal drama free adult relationship? All I want is a peaceful and loving relationship and for him to not be so jealous, sensitive and controlling everytime I go anywhere or do anything.
It is unfair for me to feel this way all the time when I am doing nothing wrong, and I truly love and miss my partner but he just doesn't seem to understand me, or feel secure.

He's always had some full on trust issues as his ex wife left him (she took off with their child and all their belongings and moved interstate with another man he didn't know she was seeing. He has a lack of trust for women and thinks they untrustworthy who try and take advantage of everyone. At the same time, he knows I'm not but he still constantly needs reassurance.
I AM SO SICK OF REASSURING! I shouldn't have to when I haven't done anything to deserve it.

So at the end of the day, is this something we can possibly work on? We've had countless discussions and I've asked him to stop, I've told him he's really hurting me and ruining our relationship and he says sorry but it always re-occurs. Am I doing something wrong, is there something I'm missing? Or should I give up and start adjusting to life on my own till I find someone pleasant to spend my life with???

I love my partner very much, he says I shouldn't want to change him. I just want to change this behavior...is that too much to ask?

Thank you for reading, I really appreciate your advice/input/opinion.

[Stay 2gether]

Hey lady i think that he needs to let go of his wife and what she did to him and focus on the fact that he has somebody like you and i hate texting all the time myself becuse it makes me feel like you have something to hide after all you keep telling him how you feel and if he cant respect you enough to atlest come to an agreement with you on how you all can make things work then maybe he is not the one for you. Arguing once a month is alot and to do it through texting is just crazy i would see why he is so focused on texting that sounds a little fishy to me but hey to each its own but i truly think maybe it is time to
atleast give yourself a break from him and focus on yourself lady he does not sound like he is worth it what he wont do another man will!

[surfhb]

You need to ask yourself if this is something you can deal with the rest of your life?

People are who they are. While things may improve time to time people don't really change thier personalities. Some do but it's rare.

This is why we date....to find the person who can fulfill our lives. Not make us anxious

[Wakeup]

The problem isn't him, it's you, Op. You enable him to be who he is... this whiney little Beta dude who is manipulative and (sorry for the negative adjective to my fellow sistahs) girly-like.

How he's kept you this long I can only imagine is due to your own co-dependency and need to caretake.

Here is how you stop feeling guilty while at the same time, helping him to quit being the douche he is.

You simply do not acknowledge his whine. When you respond to his text (after waking up) you don't even make reference to his attempts to get you to re-assure him. You simply say "good morning" and then you tell him what you'll be up to that day. (not why you didn't answer right away).

When you are with your family. You simply tell him that you cannot have this conversation right now because you are with your family and that he can call you at (then give him the time to CALL you (not text) call. If he texts then you tell him to call you. If he hears your loving and reassuring voice (that isn't angry at him) then he will get the validation he craves that way. But to continue doing this his way and complaining about doing it his way while to still do it his way is counterproductive to you getting to the point where you want him to be.

This is on you to fix, not him. If after consistently NOT ALLOWING him to be this snivelling twit he appears to be, he does not change, then you have a decision to make as to whether or not he's worth being with and being angry at as a lifestyle. Your call.

[Jade Lavis]

Thank you for your input, very true and helpful.
"Wakeup" I will particularly be trying to put your suggestions in place, I don't even know how I've allowed this to happen - I guess I often become the carer in he relationship. Time for things to change.

[TablesandChairs]

Wakeup makes a valid point; why would he change when ultimately, he gets what he wants without consequence?

You're right - whatever transpired between him and his ex wife is not your fault, nor should you be punished for it. Sure, you can be sensitive to that fact that he's been hurt in the past, but not to the point of having to walk on egg shells and having to reply to texts within seconds. Jealousy in the beginning of a relationship is kind of 'cute' - we think 'Oh that mean she loves me!'...but when its ongoing and starts to seriously mess with your emotional well-being, it's no longer cute. If he doesn't feel secure by now - given you've done nothing wrong...then that's his problem and only he can fix it by getting proactive and looking into why he is how he is.

I hate chronic texters - I have a friend who expects a reply within seconds and it drives me crazy. If I'm out with people or doing something, I don't check my phone.