Male coworker went from flirty to being shy and nervous? Is it hopeless?

[confusedsoph]

I am interested in a guy at work (we dont work on the same floor nor department, it is a big company. He does always need to talk to someone in the other corner). Since I joined, he has been flirting with me very often, always coming to my desk to talk, looking at me and leaning close in a way like he's very interested in me, touching and teasing me, asking me tons of work and personal questions, etc. The typical flirting signs and in short give me the impression that he's trying to give me attention and seduce me (so not just the friendly "you look great in your shirt" that kind of friendly flirt). We had a couple of lunches together. I have to admit that he's not super smooth, not sure if it's because of nervousness or not, but in any case I felt strong sexual tension since he always make these seductive gestures like winks and biting lips, etc, and he's really cute. During this time, I flirted a lot too but seldom if ever took initiative (so mostly in response to his)

He always have to travel in his job and after his last trip (gone for a week), I noticed he seem somewhat withdrawn from me. He still flirted a bit but way less intensely. He proposed lunch but never follow through, stopped by less although when he passed by he almost always looks at me. I tried to rekindle things by giving him compliments, asking him to help me on small things etc. But when our eyes met, he would smile in a somewhat shy/embarrassed way, not the big and sweet smile locking his eyes firmly at me before. The other day after giving me this embarrassed look, he out of nowhere pop up behind me as if to try to make things less awkward. But the convo was even more awkward, he seemed really nervous and not knowing what to say. But so was I and I totally forgot what I wanted to tell him when I actually see him.

Anyway, is he a lost cause and should I just give up? I thought of asking him out to dinner/drinks but this is awkward now and more importantly, I'm not a believer of woman asking guy out. He's a sociable person and not the shy type, cannot be the "too shy to ask out". Can some guys on this forum help decipher this?

[nico88]

I don't really know what to tell you. It's possible he felt like you weren't interested in him so he backed off. Or it could be he met someone else.

You won't really know unless you ask him what happened, you know? If you're not comfortable being that straightforward with him maybe ask him out for drinks after work and see what he says..

[confusedsoph]

Thanks for the suggestions. I'd be surprised if he felt like I wasn't interested since I flirted back a lot (or so I think). But I know not all guys are good at telling signs and sometimes it may just come off differently to them.

How do you guys tell for sure that a girl is interested back in you?? I guess as in before the leap of faith to ask her out..

[nico88]

Some guys can be pretty blind to the signs women slip us unless they're very blunt about it ha.

I can't speak for all men, but I usually go off of body language. But I'm a pretty confident guy so I mean if I like a girl I don't typically wait around for signs that's she's interested. I'll just ask her out for coffee or drinks something like that and just see what happens. Sometimes we hit it off, sometimes it's a complete failure but time waits for no one, you know?

If you see something you want you should go for it..

[lost_man]

yeh he may act confident and social but he's shy romantically. ask him out or amp up the flirting and see what he does.

[Wakeup]

How do you know he's even single? Maybe he's realized that your's and his over-the-top interaction was disrespectful to his gf/wife and he's backing off now so that the two of you calm your jets?

So: Do you know for a fact he's actually single?

[confusedsoph]

Thanks for trying to help guys!

Wakeup, you are right. I just learned he has a gf from others ( I just joined company eecently). But then actually, after my post, he is back flirty again so wasn't exactly calming the jets..We went for a quick coffee after work one day. We will not be seeing each other for more than 3 weeks in between us having business trips and annual leave. The "mini farewell" coffee ended with a goodbye hug, which was way more intimate than colleagues should do (longer than the friend hug, he hugged me on my waist pulling me close). when we pulled away our eyes met for a few sec, he looked into my eyes deeply and we would prob have kissed if it wasn't outside of the coffee shop bustling with people. When our eyes met I just felt that shiver down my spine..

I don't know what to think. Does he sound like he may have feelings that are more than just a physical fling? (Doesn't mean I want him to leave his gf, since we don't know each other that well.) Or is he just trying to get me to fall for him?

[lost_man]

Oh well if he has a girlfriend then it doesn't matter. Unless you want to be the kind of person who knowingly participates in a whole lot of drama (granted he may have started it) you need to shut down his advances and find somebody who is available.

[ianinmd2010]

Whatever he'd do behind his gf's back with you, he'd do it behind your back with someone else.

If he wanted you so badly, he'd dump her. As it is, he's just amusing himself.