Pretty damn confused...

[BobbyB1989]

Hey all,

I've been dating my current girlfriend for almost 4 years, living with her for over a year, and I love her dearly. But I think I'm falling fast and hard for another girl.

And the feeling is mutual. I'm not one to believe in "love at first sight", but I've known this girl for only 2 weeks and we're crazy about each other. We work together (with two different organizations that work closely on a daily basis) and we have hung out until 4 in the morning the past 3 nights in a row. We hooked up 2 nights ago, but did not have sex. She is a nice girl and feels terrible that I have a girlfriend, and did not want to push things too far. However she wants to, and we even discussed dating if I broke up with my current GF.

I've known almost from the get go with my current GF that she doesn't completely sync with my long term goals. Our senses of humor are very similar, but our goals in life, what we think is important, are very different. Almost to the point of her completely tuning out things that are of vital importance to me when they come up in conversation. Even so we're very close and familiar with each other. She stood loyally by my side through some difficult points in my life and I'm still in love with her, and her even more so with me. To make things worse, leaving her would be absolutely crushing--she really only has one friend who's not the most reliable. And she has issues with depression. I am terrified that if I did leave her, it would put her in a very dark and potentially dangerous place.

So, long story short, I have no idea to do. I'm completely infatuated with this new girl and her goals in life completely compliment my own, but I still love my girlfriend while knowing I may not want to marry her, which after 4 years, is definitely her expectation. Any advice greatly appreciated. Thanks

[Guitargirl21]

I'm in the same situation right now so I'm not going to judge you. I have a boyfriend but I'm hanging out with a guy I met only a month ago and falling fast. He complements my personality and life in the ways my boyfriend never has.

I'm still going to try and give you advice.

Two weeks isn't long enough to decide if someone is right for you. They very well could be, but there is no way you could see every side to that person in that short amount of time. Throwing away a 4 year relationship for something that could potentially only be a fling, seems very haste and irrational, however, you have said you aren't sure you want to marry your current girlfriend. If you are on the fence about her and aren't seeing a future with her like she is with you, I think it's fair game to explore this new relationship. 4 years is a long time to be together and if you aren't having those feelings with her yet, I don't think they will magically appear any time soon.

However, remember you are toying with two people's emotions here. You have to decide quickly, and this can't be drawn out over months. Your girlfriend will eventually realize something is up and it will hurt her. The new girl may fall for you and you could potentially hurt her too, if you make her wait for you and keep going back and forth between the two. You have to make a decision because things will continue to get more complicated, the deeper your relationship becomes with this new girl (if it gets to this point).

I would also say you SHOULD NOT have sex with her until you've broken up with your girlfriend. It might be really hard, but it's honestly for the best. Think how you would feel if she did the same to you. You'd also feel really guilty. If it really comes down to it, break up with your girlfriend before having sexual relations with the new girl. Technically, you are already cheating emotionally on your girlfriend right now because you are going behind her back, and you feel guilty about it. Some may disagree with me, but I honestly think that this is just something that can't be avoided in your situation right now. You need time to get to know this new girl that could potentially be the right person for you, but you don't want to lose what you have either.

I would say continue to hang out with this girl for as long as it doesn't affect your current relationship. When your current girlfriend starts to take notice about your lack of attention towards her (because let's be honest, it will happen), you need to make a decision. Don't draw it out and hurt her. It may be very hard for her at first to move on but nothing is worse than stringing her along and prolonging the pain. That's all I gotta say

[lboogie]

Pretty Damn Confused...I have been there. This exact situation.

I was with someone for 6 years, we built a life together, and were engaged to be married. I randomly ran into an old friend of my brother's and we started communication slowly via social media. Which in turn, resulted in us hanging out. We both recognized the extreme chemistry. After roughly about a month of teetering back and forth on what I should do, I realized that I definitely can't marry my current boyfriend if I allowed myself to fall for another man. I broke up with him, moved out of our place, and continued to hang out with my new interest. Me and the new fella ended up dating for a little over two years. Unfortunately, we just broke up, and understandably I questioned if I had made the right decision to leave my fiance for a what if. I feel as though I made the right decision, because honestly, I was never %100 sold on getting married, and if I hadn't met the new guy, maybe I would be going through a divorce rather than a breakup. It will crush you to itty bitty pieces to crush your current girlfriend by leaving her, especially if she knows it is for another person. I personally would leave that out, and express the other examples you listed prior. Beliefs, long term goals, no sold on marriage/long term. It's not lying, it's the truth. The worst pain I have ever experienced was watching someone who you once were in love with, and still love, experiencing a broken heart caused by yours truly. In my opinion, the sooner the better. Even if things don't work out with you and the work pal, you will have done the right thing by your current girlfriend. Although me and the newest gent didn't workout, we sure as heck had one hell of a two years. We traveled, attended lots of sports events, amusement parks...countless laughs. I never would have experienced any of that had I decided to stay. Instead I would be wondering about said interest and eventually be compromising the relationship I was in because it would ultimately cause a resentment in my old relationship. This is just my experience, but I wouldn't change one thing about it. My ex fiance has moved on and is with who I would describe as the love of his life, and because I did what I did, wasn't selfish, I didn't rob him of that. I hope this helps.