Guy Playing Hard To Get

[pash3]

I recently started talking to this guy online. We spoke to each intensively for about a week, they were long emails to and fro and wondered why he hadn't asked to meet up yet.

One day he asked me and we arranged to meet up last Tuesday. I've been on about 5 other first dates and they didn't go anywhere, a couple fizzled out, a couple I were into but they didn't feel the same and a couple I didn't like but they wanted to see me again.

I felt it was different with this guy. It felt like we both got on, genuinely cared about what each other had to say and could have a laugh with each other. I felt really nervous at the beginning of the date which was weird because I was fairly calm on all my other dates. It must be because I quite like him and wanted the date to go well.

We met up half way, we barhopped all night, sharing a platter at one of them. We talked, we laughed and by the end of the night we were making out.

From the beginning of the date he said there was a foam party in his town on Sunday (yesterday) and kept asking and asking for me to come down and party with him. He said it would be fun to go out clubbing with me and would be a great ice breaker. I kept saying no because I hardly know him, what would I do stay at his place? Even though he said he'd take the sofa.

Towards the end of the night, he stopped asking and accepted that I didn't want to go to this foam party, (it would've been fun if I'd known him a little longer/better). He then moved on to asking me over to his place on the Friday instead (Friday just gone). He said he'd cook for me, share a bottle of wine and we could watch a film and asked me if I'd liked that, I said yes but hadn't actually thought about whether that would've been wise.

When we were leaving each other at the platform, he asked me how I thought the date went. I said I think it went well and I'd like to see him again. He said he felt the same, hugged me and asked me to let him know when I got home. I did text him, and he said "Now you can be honest, how do you really think it went?" I said I'd already told him and he proceeded to talk about Friday and how that's a possibility if I'm still up for doing it. I said I'm not sure if it's wise even though I'd love to, no funny business. He said that he couldn't promise that, but he likes to go with the flow and it feels natural for something to happen then it won't stop him from making a move. He said he enjoys the intimacy of cooking for someone and would like to see me again.

We'd been talking to each other every day after the date until Thursday when he asked me about whether I was still up for Friday, I was honest with him and said couldn't we do something else. He said "Well if you want to meet up half way again, I'm fine with that." and insisted that he didn't want me to feel uncomfortable about anything. I said to him to let me know because friends have already organised going out on Friday but I'd rather see him. He said that I should go meet my friends as it would give him time to think of something else to do.

So Friday came, I went out with friends and I hadn't had a single text from him. Being a bit tipsy I decided to text him. His texts had turned from long inquisitive one's to short. He was being friendly at first but asked me to come over saying it's not too late to come now. It turned into a weird mean/flirty thing and ending up with him him falling asleep and me sending him the last text.

I was then out with work colleagues on Saturday after work, dinner and then drinks. I was posting lots of Instagram photos during the night. He liked one of them, just a photo of me before going out. I decided to call him up on it. This is how the text conversation went:

Me: Why are you liking my Instagram photos and not texting me? x

Him: Was a nice picture. x

Me: You're a man of very few words of late. x

Him: Come to ______ after your work night out...? x

Me: I'm working tomorrow! x

Him: Yeah it's fine to work, you'll get 8 hours sleep x

Me: You just want a booty call. x

Him: No I want to see you again, that would be a bonus x

Me: You haven't been very expressive of the last few days. x

Him: I'm playing hard to get maybe! Well offer is there if you wanna come over x

Me: Are you really? I was thinking you were totally off me. x

Him: Come over and see for yourself x

Me: Oh really? Don't think it's wise tonight though. x

Him: Sure it is. x

Me: I don't think so. I seen your stubborn side though, it's pretty stubborn. x

Him: Ok, well if you change your mind let me know. x

Me: I was gonna ask you a question actually. x

Him: Ok...? x

Me: Do you know of any handsome Italian men who are good kissers that would be free this coming Tuesday? I'm struggling to think of one... x

Him: My cousin ______ might, I'll text him and ask. I know of one that's free tonight x

Me: Oh really, what's he like? I need to hire them for this Tuesday though. x

Him: Yeh he's alright. I'm working Tuesday till late I'm afraid. Also Wednesday and Thursday. And Monday too! So tonight would be a good option. x

Him: I can drive you home in the morning. x

Me: What about Friday? x

Him: Friday might be possible but depends if I'm needed at work. x

Me: You're playing pretty hard to get. x

Him: Just bad timing this week. Tonight is possible though. x

Me: I can't do tonight and would seem too much like a booty call. x

Him: You can do tonight, trains are very frequent to ________ and I'll drive you home tomorrow. x

Me: Why are you so keen? x

Him: Would be nice to cuddle up with you on this colder night x

Me: Maybe. But that's a development. Do you do that with every girl you meet? x

Him: No I don't, just felt nice with you on our date and seems natural. Offer is there, I don't want to force you x

Me: Well a "sleep over" is a progression. Can we not do that when we're both next available? Not a sleepover. But all the other stuff. x

Him: Progression that feels like a right idea. I can't 100% commit to next weekend and I'm working late every night next week. So can't say when the next chance is x

Me: You should keep Friday free if possible. I finish at 4pm which is perfect timing. :p x

Him: Can't promise. Seeing as you're not here I'm off to sleep now. x

Me: Playing hard to get is not the way to keep me interested Have a nice sleep. x


I'm really confused. My head was saying "be suspicious" and my heart was saying "go for it". It doesn't help that I haven't had sex for 6 months! I'm not hesitant about the sex part, I just don't want sex to ruin any potential for this to turn into something. I can't stand the thought of being thought of as a f**kbuddy/friends with benefits. I'm not looking for a full blown, fall in deep straight away relationship but I am looking for something with a bit of substance than just casual. He said he's been on 10 first dates and hasn't gone anywhere, he has also said that the girls that he's slept with have then ignored him afterwards. He said he's felt used but he knows that with me, I wouldn't ignore him.

To me, I do think he wants more than sex with me. His keenness may come across as "he just want's sex" but I actually think he's more insecure. He is a little bit overweight and when I complimented that he looked better in person than in photos he couldn't accept the compliment which makes me think that he wants to get sex out of the way. He doesn't know if we did sleep together whether I'd walk away or not so getting the sex out of the way he can relax and get to know me better. Does this sound like a reasonable analysis?

Now that I've given you the background. How the hell do I get us talking again like we used to? And how do I show him that I want to see him again as soon as possible (i.e. on the weekend). This is the second day of no texting, any advice on how to deal with a somewhat insecure guy playing hard to get? I'm too old for game playing...

[Wakeup]

He's a freaking player who is trying to conquer you and once you cave to his very obvious attempts at getting a leg over without commitment or even taking you out on another date, he'll likely drop your ass as fast as he claimed it.

Guys who are serious don't push booty calls on you, they take you out, they respect you and they are quite happy to meet your friends.

Drop the lying to yourself and making excuses for him and start taking back control. You invite him out on a real date and if he doesn't jump at it then take the hint.... you're good for one thing and if it isn't coming his way then he will soon next you.

Being slightly "over weight" has nothing to do with anything. He's bold and he's putting an invite out there for sex with him as soon as he can get it. Duh!

any advice on how to deal with a somewhat insecure guy playing hard to get? I'm too old for game playing...

Seriously stop being naïve and/or in denial. If he liked you, he'd ask you out again and not over for a "sleep over." JHC

[Wakeup]

Knock, knock. Hello ~ anyone home?

[fearoflove]

He wants to get laid and the convenience. He is probably dating other girls too so that is why he can't agree to see you at a time that you choose. You are giving him way too much attention (a.k.a assurance) too early and also your insecurity. It shows when you are annoyed by his lack of text. Even if you notice and is annoyed, you should never express it to a guy. If he doesn't text you for awhile, you don't make a fuss. Let him contact you and when he does, you act normal as if you haven't even notice. You have other exciting things going in your life to even care right? If you don't, you should start developing those exciting things in your life.

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And eww, he is overweight. Also taking a girl to bars for the first date or even the first couple of dates is kind of disrespectful. The fact that you agree to this sort of date early on makes you look like a casual/bootycall girl. Casual/booty call girls never gets wine and dined! You want a man to treat you right and spend money on you, make yourself look like you have standards!

[YoungCosmo]

Say, fearoflove, you're a fat guy as well: Anything familiar in OP's description of him and his personality? Seems like you two would be two birds of a feather.