How much can the past incide on a relationship? Is it time to breakup?

[SpiritInLove]

Hi all,

Will make my story very very brief.

My GF approx 1 month ago heard some stories from her friends about my past. Something not nice I did when I was with another girl (almost cheating).

I told her my version of the story, I just did not admit certain points of her friends story because were not true and exaggerated.


She never believed me but always believed her friend "that is looking out for her".

Still, yesterday, we fought again about it.
She says that she does not believe I am an honest person because "when I do something bad I lie to myself and not want to admit to myself and to the world"

While in reality I admitted almost everything, just some parts I did not because I can't admit something I did not do.

For this, she says she will never believe me and if she finds me in any similar situation she will never believe me and for this since I have "bad reputation" she will never be able to introduce me to any of her friends.

Then I reply "one day you will understand you're wrong to think bad about me" and she "we will see".

The nights goes on and we pretend as nothing has ever happened but.. I start to ask myself..

Do I want to be with someone that thinks so bad about me?
At the end I never wronged her, I just cannot admit certain aspects of the story she heard

I'm so disappointed actually, I cannot continue to pay for past mistakes and I don't think I am willing to continue to accept this coldness that continues for a month.. why she just doesn't break up with me if she believes I'm not an honest person? - she said the only reason why she continues to be with me is because I never made mistakes with her during these 7 months but then why every time we are having a good night she has to mention this story making me feel bad? why does she have to "keep me" secret? who the **** cares about what people think?

Any advice would be really appreciated. I don't know if I have to break up, if I have to give it more time.. or if I have to continue receiving hits/coldness and be quiet about it.

I really love this girl but I just cannot continue to stand anymore to be judged and to have someone next to me that does not support or believe me.

Thanks!

[dontaskme]

What the fukc does she care? It happened before you met her. She sounds psycho to me.

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Yeah, dump her ass. She's one crazy bitch!

[TablesandChairs]

She's an idiot.

I challenge her to go find a boyfriend who has a Saint's past history - someone who has never made a mistake, never done something they regretted. It's dumb to punish someone over something that they did in the past that does not personally affect you.

Okay - if you had a past history of being a paedophile, a murderer or something heinous like that, fair enough. But you 'almost' cheated on some other girl. Not nice but not the end of the world. You've learned from that mistake, I'm sure you realise now how important a good reputation is and all parties should move on.

[michelle23]

This is unacceptable of her. Yes you should break up with her. I assume you already learned from past mistakes and therefore wont repeat them so who is she to hold it over your head and use it as an excuse to abuse and hurt you. If she really doesnt trust you then wtf is she with you? Move on and stop allowing her to mistreat you. You dont deserve this

[Yanky]

It's because you can't be honest with her. I don't agree with what she said to you about not trusting you right now unless she has a valid point. Right now, she does because you said yourself that there are points that you haven't brought up with her.

Blame her all you want, but if a friend came up to me with valid points about my girlfriend almost cheating, and she can't be caring enough to help me deal with what was said then I'd probably be the one to break up, not the other way around.

Who the hell wants to be told that their boyfriend or girlfriend is likely to cheat on them. Is that it or did you almost cheat on another girl? To be frank, you shouldn't have given her a reason to have to be so effected by this in the first place. Ouch. She probably thinks that you don't give a **** about her if it's her that you almost cheated on.

Nothing wrong with her behaviour in this scenario. She's clearly hurting because she cares about you.

Open your eyes dude. If youre considering breaking up with her over something that she never caused, do it so that she can find a man who cares or so the right man can find her.

[shortyrock]

I would be put off too if I was told about something out of the character of the person I thought I knew.

[Jasmine_87]

Instead of telling your girlfriend that you care so little about her that you would rather ask total strangers if you should flat out break up with her, you run off behind her back and do it. That right there tells me that she couldn't possibly be the one in the wrong. I think it's time you left her alone, nobody should have to be worrying about whether or not what their partner says to their face is bull.

I have to agree with Yanky, this poor girl has been dragged through the wringer. You're definitely throwing blame at the wrong person and your story doesn't add up anyway.

[N_divine]

To be honest, you don't sound like the world's most trustworthy guy. As Jasmine_87 did mention, your opening statement, "should I break up with her?", is selfish and far-fetched as you are posing such a question to strangers when she, not us, is the best person to ask. If your girlfriend and yourself were good friends of mine, I would have to tell her that you are asking random people if you should break her heart. Especially if she currently believes the two of you are happy. Come on, we all deserve better than that as I am sure you would agree.

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Hi all,

Will make my story very very brief.

My GF approx 1 month ago heard some stories from her friends about my past. Something not nice I did when I was with another girl (almost cheating).

I told her my version of the story, I just did not admit certain points of her friends story because were not true and exaggerated.


She never believed me but always believed her friend "that is looking out for her".

Still, yesterday, we fought again about it.
She says that she does not believe I am an honest person because "when I do something bad I lie to myself and not want to admit to myself and to the world"

While in reality I admitted almost everything, just some parts I did not because I can't admit something I did not do.

For this, she says she will never believe me and if she finds me in any similar situation she will never believe me and for this since I have "bad reputation" she will never be able to introduce me to any of her friends.

Then I reply "one day you will understand you're wrong to think bad about me" and she "we will see".

The nights goes on and we pretend as nothing has ever happened but.. I start to ask myself..

Do I want to be with someone that thinks so bad about me?
At the end I never wronged her, I just cannot admit certain aspects of the story she heard

I'm so disappointed actually, I cannot continue to pay for past mistakes and I don't think I am willing to continue to accept this coldness that continues for a month.. why she just doesn't break up with me if she believes I'm not an honest person? - she said the only reason why she continues to be with me is because I never made mistakes with her during these 7 months but then why every time we are having a good night she has to mention this story making me feel bad? why does she have to "keep me" secret? who the **** cares about what people think?

Any advice would be really appreciated. I don't know if I have to break up, if I have to give it more time.. or if I have to continue receiving hits/coldness and be quiet about it.

I really love this girl but I just cannot continue to stand anymore to be judged and to have someone next to me that does not support or believe me.

Thanks!

To add, this sounds more like a game of cat and mouse but with you initiating it. Surely there is something in your air that is pushing your Girlfriend to feel as though she has no option but to grieve every so often over something that directly effected her in some way. There must be more to this storyline as it would appear that your Girlfriend cares a lot about you. If she distrusted you, she would have no reason to feel down. Why you have convinced yourself that she is the issue I don't know, but you should try harder to get to the route of the problem. Turn to her and tell her what you are telling us, including the bit where you asked if you should break her heart, only after you have told her the truth in all its entirety, then you will see and hear the what is wrong with what you are currently suggesting. If she still feels as though her whole world has collapsed after you try that, then you might have an argument. Bits of the truth are not the truth.

[michelle23]

What are you guys on about? This is a relationship advice forum. Its perfectly reasonable for him to come here and ask should he break up with his abusive, controlling gf. Hes not happy. Hes given her no reason not to trust him in 7months, he was honest about his past and she doesn't believe him and is using this as an excuse to fight with him almost daily. Her friend should mind her own ****ing business and his gf shouldn't care what people think. Its very immature and dramatic. Your better off out of it OP. Is your gf 12? Shes acting like an immature prat

[N_divine]

Sorry, but nothing about his Girlfriend sounds abusive or controlling. If you listen carefully, it is easy to recognise that he is the controlling one. Read his previous forum post, he overthinks and is probably fabricating parts of the story just to get off on his Girlfriend, who may in fact be a very understanding person, copping the brunt of this.

He should be discussing these issues with her if he wants to resolve this. Not once did he suggest that he would be willing to do that. He jumped straight into a "break up" discussion with us. He clearly has other plans. Neither will he shed light on what it was that he actually did. No true friend would ever put another friend's relationship in jeopardy without good reason.

[dontaskme]

She's definitely a twat. And for those people agreeing that the GF is on the right here, you're all insecure people. Why would you care about something that happened way before your relationship with a person started? Have you not done anything wrong or have made any mistakes in your past?

Get the fukc out of here!

Yes, dump the twat. She's only going to make your life a living hell everyday by throwing all this drama right in your face.

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Sorry, but nothing about his Girlfriend sounds abusive or controlling. If you listen carefully, it is easy to recognise that he is the controlling one. Read his previous forum post, he overthinks and is probably fabricating parts of the story just to get off on his Girlfriend, who may in fact be a very understanding person, copping the brunt of this.

He should be discussing these issues with her if he wants to resolve this. Not once did he suggest that he would be willing to do that. He jumped straight into a "break up" discussion with us. He clearly has other plans. Neither will he shed light on what it was that he actually did. No true friend would ever put another friend's relationship in jeopardy without good reason.

Ahh, I thought he said he explained himself to her and yet she wouldn't accept the reasoning behind and went as far as telling him that she wouldn't introduce him to any of her friends?

That is a crazy and insecure behavior to me.

[Jasmine_87]

Rofl at dontaskme.

At least some of us can see that this guy needs to sort this shit out with his girl instead of asking strangers if he should break up with someone that they know ZILCH about. We don't no anything about this story, guy or girl.

All I know is that I'd be on another planet by now if my boyfriend came here asking if he should break up with me instead of me being the first to hear about it. I'd rather work things out directly with him or have him break up with me after WE'VE tried everything possible.

For shitting out loud people, stop telling him what to do and give him actual advice!!!

You could be making a psycho man feel pleased with himself or a nice man feel like he shouldn't figure this stuff out for himself. Who knows really??

[dontaskme]

^^^That's what I did! Told him to dump the twat! Why the fukc do you think people come here for advice? Because their partners are unreasonable and aren't willing to listen to them. And you think your so smart!

[Jasmine_87]

The only twat and psycho here is you..

[dontaskme]

Rofl at dontaskme.


You could be making a psycho man feel pleased with himself or a nice man feel like he shouldn't figure this stuff out for himself. Who knows really??

Why do you care? This is the internet. Don't make this your life dear. It's only the internet. Calm your horses down.

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The only twat and psycho here is you..

^^^Lol. Can't believe how many people are really taking this shit seriously.