Totally confused and need help!!

[waryfairy]

Ok, this is going to be long. Hopefully I can get some answers though because I honestly cannot figure out what is going on anymore and I feel like I am about to go crazy.

So I've known this guy at work for over a year but it's only ever hi and bye, we barely know each other. A month ago, we bumped into each other and somehow ended up organising dinner. I honestly thought I was just making a friend, but it turns out he's been interested in me for a few months now. There was a lot of texting involved and he basically told me he was interested in me the night after we had dinner.

Things were moving so fast but throughout the week, we pretty much already told each other that we liked each other and things got so serious that it didn't make sense for us to still be friends. The only thing is, we seemed to have missed the getting to know each other phase. We thought we could catch up on this through texting and date nights but I think we got it all wrong.

We're both very busy. I study full time and work casual on the weekends, he has a full time job during the week and works casual on the weekends. We decided that we would have one date night every week and see each other then but sometimes we have to skip it if something comes up. We text almost every night but pretty much never call.

At first I thought I could handle it, but now I'm really not so sure. We've just started our relationship and I can tell that he really does love me, he cares a lot and is very considerate but we just don't spend enough time together. We've been dating for 3 weeks and I've seen him twice. The first time was our first date and the second time was at work for about 5 mins before he started. We text almost every night but most of the time it's really just how was your day, what happened. I try to ask him questions about himself but it's just not the same as talking face to face and spending time together. I really can't learn much about him over text messages.

I've become very insecure and uncomfortable about this. I realised that all the texting was affecting his work so I've stopped texting him during the day but I've found that I've gotten to the point where I won't let myself text him at all. I worry I would distract him, that he would get in trouble, that he would find me annoying. Many times a day I would type him a text but end up deleting it after I'm done. It's getting to the point that I don't dare to text him at all until after 9pm. That is the only time I feel like I can text him but most of the time I still don't feel comfortable doing it, thinking that he must be busy if he still has't texted me. What bothers me is that there's been a few times when I text him, he would tell me he's busy, but he never thought to text and tell me even though he knew I was waiting for him. It just doesn't seem right to me that I'm in a relationship and I can't even text my boyfriend when I want to. No cute I miss you or I love you texts. No sharing something that happened during the day.

I've found that I have started to start fights with him over text now too. I think it's because I want more attention from him. I can tell he's starting to get annoyed with me and I'm trying to stop but sometimes he really gets me upset. I would tell him I miss him and he would say that I have to get used to it because we are both so busy we don't have time to see each other all the time and we both knew this from the beginning. Yes, I knew this from the beginning, but what has that got to do with me missing him? Am I not allowed to miss him? It really upsets me when he does that because he makes it seem like I am being unreasonable and that I should know better, but what girlfriend would not miss her boyfriend when she hardly ever gets to see him? Sometimes it seems like he is totally fine with our situation and that kind of hurts.

He broke up with his ex of 4 years 6 months ago because she cheated on him with her ex. I can tell he really loved her. They were living together and he said when he found out, he ended it with her immediately. He said it was hard to get over and that this relationship would take him a lifetime to forget. He also said that because of this, he worries that he would hold back and not be able to fully commit to his next relationship (me) which is the last thing he wants. This just makes me wonder if he has truly gotten over his ex yet. Is 6 months really enough time to get over a serious relationship that lasted 4 years? Does he think that this with me can help him forget about her? I know he really likes me, but I don't know if he still loves his ex or not and it really bothers me.

I don't know what is going on anymore. I love being with this guy but I'm hardly ever actually 'with' him. Things have so serious so fast I don't know if it is right. I actually feel like distancing myself from him. It just feels like if I don't care so much, if I don't get my hopes up then i won't be disappointed when it doesn't turn out the way I want. I don't need a clingy boyfriend, but I really don't think we have enough contact time. Am I wrong?

I feel like I should hold back my feelings because then it won't bother me so much that we hardly get to see each other or talk or text. I keep wondering if I really am in a relationship because sometimes it honestly doesn't feel much different to before we started dating. The only thing is, I really want it to work out. I just don't know how to fix things. I've spent so many hours on google, trying to figure out why I feel insecure, how to stop it. How to stop being so negative. How to not be clingy or needy (which I realised I'm not). I've read so much but I still can't figure out what the problem is.

I was supposed to see him tonight and I was going to talk to him about some of this, but he got sick and had to cancel. Now I'm stuck with all these problems with no way to fix them and there is no one I trust enough to talk to. I am just so frustrated. It is making me go crazy!!

Can anyone shed some light on this for me? I don't understand what is going on. Did we move too fast? Am I doing something wrong? Am I asking for too much?

[NotApplicable]

I kind of only skim read after you wrote the following...
"...know he loves me..."
"...seen him twice..."
"...once was first date and other was for 5 minutes..."
"...boyfriend..."
First things first. I don't know how old you are, but he doesn't love you. He might care a lot and like you a lot and maybe want to love you one day down the track, but he doesn't love you now.
Secondly, you've had ONE session to properly get to know this guy. I've met the guy I'm seeing 6 times and we still haven't even broached the topic of "are we dating/a couple?" even though we clearly get along great.
You can't get to know someone via text, as you've realised because you feel uncomfortable about it. Texting is great for reinforcing a new relationship ie letting the other person know you're thinking about them etc. But it's no way to get to know someone.
You guys need to start prioritising getting to know each other or it's going to fall in a heap if it hasn't already. Try to call him or catch him in person at a time he isn't busy and say that this arrangement isnt working for you and you need a man who you are going to be able to see at least once a week.
In a new relationship, you should be feeling super secure, happy, affectionate, no doubt, no fighting. If you're feeling like this so soon chances are it isn't going in a good direction. I would say back off, stop requiring validation from him, and if he really is interested he WILL chase you.