ok guys.......opinion, is this dude flirting with me?

[amireallydoing]

I’ve read many Q&A forums relating to this topic already, none of which matched my situation exactly, so I decided to post my own question. In reading all of the similar ones though, I learned what some people automatically assume when it comes to a situation like this so I will go ahead and clear up any confusion before it starts. I am a mature (late 20’s) woman; I am not some “cutesy little girl” (as another girl who asked a similar question was labeled in another post) I am also in a healthy, long-term relationship so I am not desperate for attention. I am sure there will also be those who, once they have read my post, will tell me there is no way my relationship is healthy if I’m in this situation, but that is not true. I love my boyfriend. We rarely fight but we do have our moments like everyone, we put equal effort into the relationship, we trust each other and communicate well etc. But with that being said, sometimes as humans we have feelings that we can’t control.
So here’s my main issue:
Recently I started working with someone new. I was already here, he’s the new one. (He is the new boss.) When I first met him while he was going through the interview process I thought he was attractive but that is as far as it went because I didn’t know him. Once he was hired and started working here and I started to get to know him better then I started to kind of develop the dreaded “work crush.” Neither of us is married, but we are both in relationships (his is long distance), as mentioned before, I’m in my late 20’s and he is a couple years past 50. (Don’t judge me (: )

Now I am not a very confident person, so for a while I doubted that he was even flirting with me. I am a bit overweight which is why I have such low self-confidence. My best friend swears to me that there is something about me that attracts men to me and that it has nothing to do with how much I weigh, she says she sees how men look at me and that she doesn’t know exactly what it is but something draws them to me. Personally I think she’s crazy because I am really not that special!! ANYWAY! I am smart enough to know that usual when you reach the point of asking yourself “is he flirting with me?” then usual he is. I always just convince myself otherwise because of my own self-esteem issues. Well, I am now no longer in denial about the fact he flirts with me….. I still don’t really understand why he does, because I don’t feel like an attractive person someone would want to flirt with, but he obviously is an exception because clearly he wants to…. And does. He has made a few dirty comments, asks me occasionally if I want to fight, calls me Missy sometimes, we talk A LOT, lots of eye contact, he’s found an excuse to touch my arm a couple times, called me in one day to “help him” do something he could’ve totally done on his own etc etc etc. So obviously he is flirting with me, but that doesn’t necessarily mean he is attracted to me, right?? SO CONFUSING!!

I’m at the point where I think about him ALLLLLLLLLL THEEEEEEEE TIMEEEEEEEEEE. I seriously feel like I am being drawn to him. He is sexy, his voice is sexy, the way he carries himself is sexy….I’m not some shallow woman judging only on looks, he is an amazing man for many reasons besides being attractive… but in an effort to keep this “anonymous” I am leaving out details he would know is about him. Sometime when we are talking, and we make eye contact for an extended amount of time I feel that feeling, you know the one I mean…..or when our skin brushes when we pass something from hand to hand or walk by each other. (SO if I feel that is there a guarantee he does too or could it be just one sided?)
Like I said, I have decided he does flirt with me, but really don’t know for sure if it’s because he’s bored, if he has that type of personality like me, or because he’s attracted to me….If you have an opinion on that based on the few examples I gave of what I believe is him flirting, then please do share. You can share your opinion on whatever you’d like, just please don’t be judgmental. Mainly I want suggestions on what I am supposed to do to keep this under control. We have worked together since the beginning of this year. I thought he was attractive since the beginning, but over the past few months since we’ve gotten to know each other well my feelings have really started to change towards him. I flirt with him all the time (granted I have that type of personality, but with him it’s a little different) and I literally tell myself every morning “pull yourself together, just don’t flirt with him” and then I see him and it’s like I have no filter and can’t control myself. Now this is the part when someone will tell me to be an adult instead of some “cutesy little girl” but I seriously am trying, like giving it honest effort, and I can’t stop. Is a lot of it probably lust? Yes. But there is also some real chemistry there I think. We have a lot of common interests and he seems to have a genuine interest in talking to me, as I do him. It’s just hard to feel this attraction to someone when you can’t do anything about it. Even if we were both single, he’s still my boss……

So please share your opinion on whether or not you think he is even interested and also on what I can do to try and control myself a little bit!

[surfhb]

He could be flirting....no way we can tell. The problem is that you're letting your emotions get away with you and your lack of maturity in dealing with them is showing

This is your boss and you are in a relationship! Do your career and relationship mean so little to you that you are willing to risk both for some dude who might be a complete douchebag?

I mean my wife as tons of really hot friends but why would I risk my marriage for a little fun?

[Wakeup]

Mainly I want suggestions on what I am supposed to do to keep this under control.

I think you should re-visit your personal boundaries and when you're done brushing up on them, you can tune up your relationship boundaries because you're clearly crossing many of those and you're emotionally cheating on your boyfriend.

You get "this" under control within yourself (because he may not feel any of the things you're on about) by nipping any relationship crossing he happens to do (what you perceive to be flirting for instance or, "skin touching") by immediately mentioning your boyfriend in some way so that YOU realize and remember that you have someone that loves you at home that would feel totally disrespected and threatened by your behaviour. How would you handle this if he was doing what you're doing and thinking what you're thinking with an older, hot woman at his work?

You can certainly nip YOUR fantasy BS in the bud by doing the things someone in a committed relationship has agreed to stop doing when they committed instead of feeding your fantasy.

If you're a flirt in general (which you've admitted to being) then you need to learn how to reel it in if/when you think someone is taking your flirting too far. What you've described of him it doesn't sound like he's flirting at all but rather just being a personable boss who you are fantasizing over.