Out of love

[Archie]

Hello LF ladies and gentlemen,
I come here this time to tell a sad tale full of sadness and sorrow.
I want to break up with the girl I've been dating.

Now this would be fine, as fine as it can be, just say the words - "I want to break up with you", but the thing is, I'm a compassionate person and I don't want to hurt her. Yet, being together with her is only going to hurt me and her in the longrun. So what I wish to know is, what would be the most gentle way to tell her that we're not fit together?

We're almost like a palm and a glove, we fit because of so many coincidental similarities and interests, but I just don't feel it, I thought I would eventually get the butterflies, but I haven't and I doubt I ever will. She's a good friend but I can't see a future together with her. She has some traits about her personality that I just cannot accept no matter what and it's a real shame that's so. I've tried talking to her about it but it was no use and thus I cannot go on. She has had many failed relationships in the past and most ended really badly. I guess what I wish is so that she doesn't condemn our past relationship as something obscure and horrible, for I have never treated her badly or used her in any way.

So, is there any way to be gentle about it, or it's just that one way..?
(I guess it is a stupid question, but it's a question none the less)

[lovebroken]

Firstly do it one on one, in person, not via a email, or text or phone call, in person shows you respect the other person.

You feel you'd be better off as only friends, or do you no longer even want to maintain a cordial friendship with her? If don't want to maintain a friendship don't say let's be friends because when you begin to fade out of that stage you agreed to you will hurt her once more so make sure you want to remain friends first before saying what you need to say.

Speak from your heart to her, no need to list details of what you don't like and think won't work, keep it honest and simple, pretend it is someone else talking to you and speak how you would want to be spoken too. I can't tell you what words to say because it is your relationship with her, not mine. Can only advise as I did. Good luck.

[bessieb]

How long have you been dating and has the "L" word come into the equation from either side?

I would just be honest with her and as the above poster says, do it face to face, it's kinder and more respectful.

Say it how you would like somebody to say it to you.

[Archie]

Thank you very much for your replies, I really appreciate the effort.
I haven't told her I love her and I never have. It's not a feeling that I get from the start, I need it to grow over time, but it didn't. She has told me that she has deep feelings towards me and I guess, in a way, she was waiting for me to say the 3 wordsfirst, but I cannot do so, as I'm not in love with her. I like her and wish we could stay friends, as long as she's okay with that. We've known eachother for about 2 years, but have been together for only 3 months, which is horrible, I know, but there's no way I can keep fooling her.

So I'll do my best and once I've done it, guess I'll update this thread.

[bessieb]

I think all you can do then is be honest and open about how you feel and that something's missing for you and instead of stringing the relationship, her and yourself along it's only fair that you speak up.

Ending a relationship is always hard but as a woman I would always just want honesty, it may sting and it will dedinitely hurt but there is nothing worse than being on different levels and one person having deeper feelings than the other, knowing that they will never develop into anything more.

Good luck Archie xx

[Archie]

Guess this is more for myself rather than anyone else..
I just broke up with her. She couldn't understand and didn't want to accept it, and tried talking me out of it, but there was no way I could keep this relationship going. I feel as if I were some kind of monster that has torn her heart out while it's still softly beating in the grip of my palm and bleeding tears. I know she hates me right now, more than anyone. But I suppose that's the burden people have to live with. And for some reason this song is just so sticking out to me right now..[url=http://youtu.be/dD6oXgyyyAU]Blake Shelton Its Not Easy Bein' Me - YouTube[/url]

Well, what's done is done, the gears have been turned and the bridge has been burned. That's it..start over.

[woody]

Archie,

You did the right thing. Better to be honest than to spend any more time with the wrong person.
Both of you will hurt for awhile but at the end of the day, she'll know as you do already that this was the best decision.

You were very sweet about it no doubt. Now, you just need to hold strong and make sure you don't give her any false hope for reconciliation. That, would be unfair.
Closure. Needs it. Stay strong. She'll find someone. So will you.

[lovebroken]

In time when she understands you did the right thing for her too she will no longer hate you, she should have been able to see the pain you had in telling her too, but could not process that because of her own sorrow at the loss of the relationship.
You did the right thing, wishing you the best.

[andytownsend]

The best way to do it is to do it! If you're really a good person like what you said earlier you will not drag this too long that will just hurt your partner more. If there is really no connection, I bet your partner knows it already too.