When you are constantly ignored

[elephantgirl]

I dated a guy for a year and we had a kind and respectful relationship.

It was a mutual decision to break up because we both needed to work on ourselves.

It was a mature, respectful and healthy breakup. We didn't talk for 2 months. I got over him romantically pretty quickly and over the relationship shortly after. We had talked on the phone a handful of times to see how the other person was doing, how's life ect. They were good long talks, I think we talked 3 times over summer.

But lately, I've felt upset. Now, I don't want to hear comments that 'I need to get over it' - 'it's been 5 months, why does still bother you?' ect. I know our society wants us to be cold hearted assholes but when you meet someone and become vulnerable in a loving relationship, it's impossible to turn yourself into a cold hearted asshole. Frankly, I have feelings, feelings that a human being would have and I'm not going to just push my ex off of a cliff JUST because we ended things. If he had cheated on me fine, but this was a mutual break up where we understood we shouldn't be together because we need to go on different paths and be with people better suited for us. So, whatever feelings I feel I am going to embrace them and figure out why I am feeling that way.

Okay.

Lately, the past couple of weeks, I have felt upset with him. We talked about being on talking terms, I told him I would be there for him if he needed someone to talk to and we would seldom talk on the phone - possibly one day go for a casual coffee. I told him, if he actually wants to be on talking terms it is very important to me that he reaches out. He said he would for sure do so and that he wants to be friends. I made it clear to him, that if he didn't want to be friends, I wouldn't be hurt by that and it's important that he is honest with me.

So guess what has happened since then? Nothing. This was 3 months ago, I had sent him little texts here and there, where he has barely responded. I get it, I should get the hint right? He doesn't care about me anymore, doesn't want to make an effort to talk to me and is humoring me by responding lightly to my casual texts. Yes everyone, I can see it.

But it still ****ing hurts. And I don't understand. I sent him a text a couple weeks ago saying, 'I understand if you don't want to talk you just need to let me know, okay?' and he continued to be like 'No, no, I want to talk, I just haven't been talking to anyone lately.. blah blah blah' our conversation continued and it was apparent I was upset with him and I VERY maturely said "Whatever, it's okay.". To which he did not reply to.

I sent another one on Thursday expressing the same thing. I sent another one today saying, 'Okay, I get it, you don't want to be on talking terms. I'm deeply insulted you have chosen to ignore me than respect me enough to tell me the truth.'

Yeah, I'm hurt. I had a dream about him ignoring me, laughing at me when I would ask why he is ignoring me on Thursday, which is why I sent the text. I'm hurt he has chosen to ignore me and not respect me. I am hurt that what I thought was a loving break-up has turned into a typical 'Guy ignores ex, while girl has emotions' - breakup. I am a strong girl, I can handle rejection but I can't handle when someone purposely ignores me and doesn't respect me enough to tell me why. It just drives me crazy. How many people do you meet who actually genuinely care about you? In my case, how many people do I meet that I actually genuinely care about, not many. So the fact that my only genuine relationship the past year that had ended maturely has abandoned me while society insists that I have no emotions about this hurts. It hurts.

[Mathias]

Of course it hurts. It's only going to keep hurting until you finally cut the cord, and stop contacting this guy.

Then it's going to hurt for a while longer. Then, slowly, it gets better.

It doesn't get better until you stop letting him hurt you though.

[Wakeup]

I am a strong girl, I can handle rejection but I can't handle when someone purposely ignores me and doesn't respect me enough to tell me why. It just drives me crazy.

Well, then *I'll* tell you why he ignores you... because he doesn't care enough to be honest with you.

Yes.. take the hint.

[dontaskme]

You sound like you're obsessing over the guy. Leave him alone. He doesn't give a shit anymore and honestly, he's not under any obligation to respond to your texts whatsoever.

[lost_man]

A couple of things leapt off the page for me.

Firstly, your quest to break up in a sensible way, whilst admirable, might have actually been an unconscious coping technique. In trying to "control" the breakup in that way you may have been inadvertently trying to protect yourselves from some of the visceral pain involved in any breakup.

What then happens is that the emotion remains somewhat unexpressed and so rises up at a later date in your behaviour, thoughts and emotions.

The same instinct to protect yourself might be at the root of the desire to remain friends too, because if you are friends you have not been fully rejected…this was a game I played with myself once too, at my cost.

I may be way off but those are my thoughts, hope they are of some help.

[woody]

Dear O.P

Even the strongest back boned individual can become jelly spines when dealing with a separation, especially if their bad at confrontation or sharing personal feelings.

Yes, it would hurt. (Once again, Lost_man nails it. ) so I can't add much to that

Perhaps there are reasons you don't know about. Perhaps he's seeing someone else by now and doesn't wish to rock the boat so to speak out of respect for both of you. Yes it is unfortunate he doesn't grasp a simple communication could work well but again, it's that jelly spine thing. Easier for some to ignore and hope you get the just rather than be all open and straight up with it.

Yes he told you he wanted to remain friends, wanted to keep talking; well, perhaps he was trying to bow out without full disclosure..

Or he's just a moron who doesn't know what he wants or how to go about it.
Doesn't make it any easier on you though does it. Nope.

Good luck though. You'll find it easier with some time and hopefully meet a man better suited for you next time.