Meddling Mother In Law

[shortyrock]

My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year and are expecting our first child. My boyfriend's Mother has always been very nice to me and she is very supportive of our relationship and is very excited to be a Grandma. She's always been a bit more involved in my boyfriend's life than what I think is normal for a man his age, (she calls him multiple times a day, every day, and since she is sick he always ends up answering at least once a day and he gets very upset because she just rambles about everything wrong in her life. No matter how many times he asks her to stop, it never sinks in) but ever since she found out about the baby things have been getting a little too much for me a little too fast.

She started calling my cell phone every day. My boyfriend, as well as myself, have told her that I do not have many minutes on my cell phone and can not be on the phone, but if she wants to text me that's fine. She continued to call. I did not answer because of my minutes, and frankly, I'm not going to start feeding into that.

She then took it upon herself to look up my parent's home phone number in the phone book and called my parents house. She kept my Mother on the phone for two hours going on and on about how sick she is. She said she wants my Mom to call her "every 3 days". My Mother was very upset about this.

My boyfriend called her and told her that was not appropriate and they got into an argument. She's constantly guilting him and started with "she feels out of the loop". I'm not sure how, since I've only been to one doctor's appointment and she was told about it and literally nothing has happened with the baby since.

She said she wouldn't call again. Well, she called my parent's house again today.

On top of the calling, she's also been trying to make decisions about the baby and about our relationship. She's constantly going on about how we should just get married at the courthouse and even asked my Mom "what my ring size is" without ANY prompting from my boyfriend. She's been hounding my boyfriend about when and where the baby is being baptized, when that's not even something we have discussed ourselves. She also threatens my boyfriend by saying "Well then if you're going to be mean to me you can't have my car." (she has an SUV she doesn't use and it would be ideal for a baby, and she promised us months ago we could have it and it's been nothing but something she uses as a threat)

He's always telling her to stop, and it goes in one ear and out the other. There is no respect for his boundaries. He is a grown man who has lived on his own for years. Like I said, she's sick and is on alot of medication and my boyfriend says it really has changed her mentally. My boyfriend gets so upset about all of this and I have no idea what to do. He says to "block her number" but that isn't a solution. My boyfriend and I are planning on getting married in our own time and we are having a child and obviously she is going to be in our lives.

What can I do!? I feel so attacked.

[surfhb]

Don't take her calls

Have your SO call her when he feels it's right....not her

Buy your own SUV

You enable her by listening to her bitch. I mean it's easier said then done but that's the issue and the way to make it stop.

[shortyrock]

I've suggested that to him, and I do it myself, but it's hard for him because he says "what if something *is* actually wrong and I don't answer the phone?" She's infamous for sending alarming texts and there being nothing wrong. She's made him leave work saying she's going to the hospital and then never went. He's a good son, and he feels bad. I don't know what to do. I'm not about to have this go on forever.

[surfhb]

Of course it's hard! But you want the issue to go away? Right?

It's just something he's going to need to deal with. It's a part of life.

Once he talks to her and finds out she's playing games he just says "ok mom gotta go"

If she actually does go to the hospital they do call family last time I checked. . This sounds like your being an ass but your happiness comes before hers

[shortyrock]

It seems simple, but this has been going on for years like this and all that gentle nudging hasn't worked. If he doesn't answer her calls, she literally will call all day long until he does.

[surfhb]

Give her 2 weeks of non stop calling and I'll bet she will stop.

You can't be gentle with this. You need to sit her down all together and tell her in a very direct way that she needs to stop

Read a book called "Boundaries". It's perfect for you and your bf

[TablesandChairs]

We can't choose our family, nor can we expect them to understand relatively new concepts like 'boundaries'. Is she mentally ill? It sounds like there's something going on, be it because of medication or something else. She also sounds lonely.

Is there a seniors group in your local area that you could get her engaged in? Is she seeing a counsellor? I know it's frustrating - I've been there. But it doesn't sound malicious. I think she needs a bit of help, I don't think she's aware of how annoying she is being.