Hi Guys

I am in deep trouble. I am 20 years old female. I liked a guy who studied with me and we started casual dating. Later things went well and we went ahead and told our parents about this. To be very honest, the moment we told our parents I really wanted to have some more time to think about my decision (we both decided to tell our at same time, one day he just said that I am going to tell my parents and called right away without me giving a chance to day something). I can understand he was excited. I like him very much.
My family said a straight No on my face and he was sitting next to me. They did not knew about this. They said he is not as good looking as me and is from a different state and social status. he heard all that as he was sitting next to me. I was hurt because I loved him so much. I tried to talk to them for two days. they were very adamant.

Here he was adamant for me to make them agree. It was his insult too. One side it was my parents whom I love the most and on the other side it was him who was love of my life. Time passed...after one year when mom and dad both had very bad health issues they just agreed to this relationship. They talked to him and his parents. Language, culture everything was barrier. But still they talked.

I was happy about the whole thing. but then one day a very close friend of us said that I am taking a wrong decision for my self. she is 10 year elder to us and she have a daughter.. She said i am suggesting you what i would have suggested my daughter. She said you are in love thats why you cannot see many things which you should see. And these are the same things which parents might have seen.

Till now there is no comfort level between him and my family. I talk to his family. They seem to be very excited. One reason is me because I earn more than him and I am on a good position. I helped him to reduce his alcohol and he quit smoking when i convinced and changed many of his habits. His mom is very happy to see his improved son (He is only child).

I heard what my friend said and tried to analyse everything without affecting my relationship with him. I see flaws but at same time i can see we understand each other. I know he is very lazy and dependent. But I need him for emotional support . If he get angry on me or snaps on me, he is the one who comes to me and apologize. At same time his few habits always irritate me and I started thinking if I am going to make a right choice. Did i take decision in hurry?

Recently his parents visited my house for first time and they were happy. So does my parents. But their language and behavior kind of put my family off. My mom wanted my in laws to be very nice and friendly, however his family is very quiet and practical. His parents are both working and very smart. My parents are educated but from a village, they are naive. They just want someone like them. Throughout this whole trip his mom keep saying you guys have such a big house, we can never imagine that our son can have rich in laws. i know they are excited and thats why they will be saying. But on the other hand, it left some other kind of impression on my parents mind.

Today I was talking to my mom on some issue in family. It was very normal conversation and then she talked about him. About how he is doing? How is his new job? Then all of a sudden she said - You were my wisest kid and I was so proud of you. I could not believe that you took such decision in hurry which will affect your whole life. She was not angry neither she was complaining. I have never seen her so calm while talking about this matter. She said "you are not yet married so you can think. If you think I am hurting you, I am sorry about this. I don't mean to hurt you I just want to talk to you that if you see it as a right decision. you should have waited sometime more. You never liked your dad smoking and drinking. Now settled for a guy who recently quit smoking and still drink alcohol. Your brothers never touched alcohol or smoke and you were proud of them. You are independent and can do whatever you want to. is it a right choice for you? In the end its your decision and your happiness which matters to us most. But will you be happy? It does not matter if they are of equal status or not or speak different language as long as they mingle with us. But they do not, their last trip did not went well as they were just confined to themselves. they does not seem to even care if we exist all they know is just you being their daughter in law. Then putting whole responsibility of improving their son on you. It is not fair."

For the very first time my mom came to me and talked about this whole issue. For very first time she talked to me like a friend. And now it left me thinking and thinking. Now here is the guy whom I love and whom I am still improving...which perfectly ok. This is how a relationship works. On the other side is my family who have some expectations from me and my mom is worried about me.

I asked my Mom "do you want me to say No to him?" Then she said he is also someone's son's you are my daughter. So do not think like this, it can break someone's heart. Now I am wondering why a conversation like this came up? Am i doing wrong with my parents? I am the eldest child in my family and my mom have so many dreams for my wedding. (there are some conditions from their side about wedding ... like drinking and dressing)...Is it like I am doing wrong with my mom only for sake of my happiness? I know my brothers and sister are not happy about this match.... Am i jumping into a decision rather than thinking about it?

Could guys please help. If you wanna make fun thats ok...but do give some advice.