How to help my ex girlfriend deal with being raped....

[Legliss]

Hey fellas, new guy here. I have a question for only people who have had to deal with issue in their relationship, past or present. To spare the long details, my ex girlfriend was date raped a few months before we dated back in November. She found out she was pregnant by the person and due to self preservation she chose not to report it to her superiors (she's in a Navy ROTC unit and another unit member committed the act), and she in turn got an abortion. In December we had met and not too long after that became friends and then started to date, but since then she's always had to force herself into being intimate and affectionate and she hasn't ever gotten over what happened to her because she had always hoped she could forget about it, and never had time to herself to cope, but now its a lot worse and she told me what had happened, but never told me her true honest feelings until the other night. She said its gotten to the point that she hates herself for what has happened and that she's been so unhappy that she's taken it out on our relationship and it's made me unhappy in turn. So pretty much she felt that us breaking up after almost 10 months was necessary for her to more or less find herself and find her happiness. We have talked some since then, and she finally admitted she needs help and will seek professional counseling. And I want to be there for her as much as I can for a friend, but there is still that part of me that knows me and her can work and get back together, maybe not right now, but one day. I know not to overstep any boundaries and to keep it just strictly a friendship, but is there anyone who has had to deal with this before and can help me try and help her through this tough time? Thank you.

[andytownsend]

The only way to deal with this it to face the problems heads on. Report, make sure those guys won't victimize someone else, get professional help and move on. Kudos for sticking up with her!

[Legliss]

Update: Me and her talked the other night. I told her that I still want us to get back together, but I want to help her get through this process as much as she will let me. She told me she was afraid I was going to shut her out of my life completely and I told her I couldn't do that to someone, and I care way too much about her to do that. She started to open up about her feelings about what all had happened (she had told me previously she was date raped and what happened but never how she felt) and she started to cry about it. She said she feels like she has lost her humanity and she feels guilty for letting that affect her and I. She then said she also feels guilty, because she loves me, but feels like she used me as a coping mechanism. But most importantly she said she will start looking into counselling through her school.I told her I was happy she was moving in that direction, and that I'll be there for her as much as she'll let me and that I think me and her could still work when she's ready because I might not completely understand but I now know the full gravity of why she was unhappy and why she was taking her unhappiness out on me, which in turn I didn't quite understand and was unhappy in return. Since we talked there hasn't been much communication since then (side note, we live together so it has been harder) and I understand that she needs her space, but a part of me is scared that she will shut me out completely. And that will hurt a lot more than what it already does. We briefly talked about grabbing coffee this weekend, we will see. It hurts like hell going through this and it's embarrassing to say, but there has already been plenty of tears shed over this. But thanks for everyone viewing this at least someone has read it even if you can't help. I've now started reading articles on these situations so I can try and help her to the best of my abilities. Thanks all.