Yes, this is a double post, and I'm very sorry about it, but I just need some ****ing comfort or help fast. I'm so upset and utterly sad, and my first thread on teenage love forum doesn't seem to get attention, at least not enough fast. This belongs there, but this is just so much more popular category I had to do this. Here we go, please read the whole thing even though my English is bad and this is very long thread:
You might remember me from several old threads here where I wanted help with several issues with my long time crush. Well, I'm pleased to announce that despite many requests to get over it or grow a pair, I'm still in love with the same girl. I have also grown up a lot since my last thread on this site, even more than I expected back then, and I've become a lot more moderate in everything. And a druggie too :) It also amazes me how it's just a year, it felt like eternity.
Well, now, pretty much exactly a year after she broke with her first BF, she now has another one. I'm utterly broken now :( I read from her ask.fm-profile that she was with the guy once, so I thought that it was just a "date", and now I must make my move if I ever want to achieve anything. I actually felt like I had the courage to do it, unlike never before, and I thought she would actually think about it (since I've known her for 3 years already, and we have talked quite a lot, unlike her current boyfriend she has known since the last summer). I just asked her anonymously in her ask.fm-profile that how would she react if I'd tell my feelings to her, and I'm glad I asked, because it was too late already... They had been together for a week already. She was very compassionate for this anonymous person who was actually her long time friend called somethinglol, who emotionally expressed his utter sadness, which eased his pain quite a bit. But facts are facts, even though I made "progress" in my mind, I still have no girlfriend and my long time crush was taken away once again. As a side note, should I still use this random moment of courage to tell her how I feel, just so she knows? I remember when in one of those threads I made last year I asked how to make them break up, but this time I don't want anything like that, although I wish they'll break up. I just think it could make things easier for me and after they break up, she would know that I'm always here. Any thoughts?
Now to the point. I feel like I'm entirely missing the years I can still have this so called young innocent love. I'm 17 already, and I will probably move out when I'm 19 after the army and possible graduation. Then it's pretty much too late, and women are mostly "experienced", and it's not like it's now or especially like it was before. And by experienced, I mean they're living on their own and most likely are more "mature" in the terms of dating, and have dated at least few times in their lives. I don't want that. I want a cute little relationship where we both still live with out parents etc. Even now it's a lot different than it was like two years ago, but not entirely. What also makes me disgusted that soon another guy is railing my cute and sweet little crush. It feels like sex is so common for everyone in this age, while I've never even had my first kiss. As far as I know, one night stands and sex on the first date are pretty normal things for adults, and it actually disgusts me how women will go for D so easily. I want to date someone before it's "common" and "normal" women (and men of course) to be like that. I want to have a relationship where sex is not like that "obvious". Don't take me wrong, I'm actually one horny fellow with all kind of kinky fetishes, but enough of that now :D I hope you got my point here.
I really don't believe they will have sex in at least couple of months, it's not that obvious in this age yet, but it will happen at some point. If/when they would/will break up and I got to be with her, it would just feel so bad to have sex with a person who has ****ed with two guys already, while I had none (women neither). Like having a sex with a person who gives to everyone. It's just against my mind that a woman is more "experienced" than man, even though men in general tend to be more prepared and willing for sex, especially in this age. Like it wouldn't be anything "special" anymore, unlike for me. It just makes me sick to even think about that. I think that alone would be enough for me not to date her even though I really want to. It's like she's on entirely different level than me.
English is not my native language, so this is really hard, especially when I'm all shocked and shit, and this thread itself is horrible. Don't say hard words to me, while I take insults and harsh criticism every day with humor, this is a subject where harsh comments really hurt me. A lot. I actually took these news more calmly than I thought I would, but it will hit me really hard at some point when I realize I actually lost her. In 2013 I was extremely depressed, I've only noticed it now when she was a single for a year, and I have a feeling I will be even more depressed in this dark and cold approaching winter. I have a lot more social life outside school than back then, but I have also started to try different drugs with my friends, and if I'll be depressed, I might as well become a real drug addict because I can't just take this world. I'm thinking that maybe I should talk to a psychologist.