Serious advice needed.

[arslan_sweeto1]

hey guys, i have come here to discuss my case with you. It's kinda twisted .. here we go

There was this girl, we started to chat on social site, I was 17 or 18 maybe back then. Soon i started feeling for her, but i think it was too early for that. She was interested (as it seems), but she said to me she had no such feelings as of that date, i was shy, dull boy. but i was true to heart for my feelings. I expressed my feelings to her and her disapproval of same disappointed me. I used to remember her quite a times. It was hard time overcoming her. i got involve in no such activity since then.

5 6 years after the incident, I once again contacted her on Facebook. Now here i was, professional student and a lot of change took place in me. We started with little bit of chit chat. Soon she realized that i am no more old shy boy. She was impressed whatsoever. How i felt for her, it were the same feelings, but i didn't show it to her. Soon came the time she offered me her number. I wasn't ready for it maybe, so couldn't avail the opportunity. We had little fight over something. I decided to forgot her once and for all. I was accepting nothing thrown towards me.

Time goes by, Here comes today, now i am single as always, enjoys my company with myself. Now i started to feel for her again. Now hardcore, but someone to share feeling to ..

Now i am confused about where i am standing here. because soon papers are coming, so i am confused. and can't focus on study.

Will it be fine if i contact her some free time, what do you think ?

[lissa]

I would not contact her. Seems like you've really built her up in your head and are idealizing her. Not to get too psychoanalytical, but I think you were really hurt by the first rejection and now are focused on her because you are trying to prove to yourself that you've changed and are now worthy of her (trying to fix the past in a way). But that's all based on your ego and hurt feelings, not for real feelings for her as a person. You don't really know her that well, you just have an unhealthy fixation on her.

I think your best bet is to move on so you can put this in the past for good. Meet other women - you'll have a clean slate with them and it will help you keep your mind off of her. And eventually you will better able to start a new, and healthy relationship with someone else and will realize you have completely forgotten about this girl. Good luck.

[arslan_sweeto1]

I am simply stunned by the analysis you made there. Looks like i have been disclosing the detail to old friend of mine having all knowledge of the story. Yeah, how this started was that she was the girl i used to like to be my long term relationship partner. I was hurt damn too badly by the rejection. To be true, it was feeling like my soul had been pledged to some one. and feeling i got at the second tenure of our discussion (i.e. when she offered her cell number) that at last, i am out of my liability of being pledged, i am free man now, and i could feel the liberty of being free man. I felt like feather light. I mean literally ..
Yeah you are absolutely right, i was fine till last week until she updated her latest picture and i was like, what a girl she is, what have i missed and all that ill feeling (to be honest with you) and hence was attracted towards her. So i think it's kinda temporary attraction phases that i am facing. rather than something permanent.

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and yeah non-involvement of any other woman creates gap and force remembrance of old relations i had been into. That's what i think

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Talking about relationship, i have one more question which i asked some time ago here but no one answered it, though you might be interested in advising.
What i have learnt and understood generally, in a relationship, boys are generally having upper hand, mean girls like to see boys in role of being their protector in society. but when i think of myself, i never feel or able to express such feelings for someone i might be interested in.

i want to ask, how to develop and most importantly express this caring attitude for your loved ones; the attitude that i will be there whenever you will be needing me.