Hello.

I have been getting slightly confusing messages from a female co-worker which I’m struggling to place due to suffering with a re-occurrence of a long-standing depression condition. This is a bit of a story to try and explain all the facts but I hope you will take the time to read and offer me some impartial thoughts.

I first met her end of last year when she started at work where I do, although on a different floor. We got talking and realised we shared similar interests and viewpoints and grew close to the point where a trusted work friend said that ‘I can see there is something between the two of you…she really likes you’. We went to the cinema and a drink one evening (it was never discussed as to whether it was a date or not) and we later agreed to go for another drink but never got round it. She also vaguely mentioned an “overseas” male friend, although she referred to him as a friend me, and decided it was a situation best left to one side as I moved into 2014 and to focus on being a good friend.

I’ll skip to the summer when I had to take several months off work with depression. During that time off I realised I really missed this girl and had been ignoring my true feelings for her. We did manage to speak on the phone once in that time but I didn’t see her again until I returned to work last month. We started to spend more time together again in particular he week before I had a holiday where we went to lunch together each day. We were smiling and laughing a lot and at the end of several days she wished me a lovely evening on her way out. On the Friday I said we should catch up when I was back (thinking it’d be lunch) and she suggested we go out one evening and agreed to arrange something when I was back.

When I came back from holiday I e-mailed her to catch up and mentioned her idea about doing something after workout one evening, she replied to me but apologised that she was busy and would meet up with me when she had time, I didn’t see her again for several days. In this time I confided my feelings again with a trusted work-friend who told me they’d heard that the “overseas” friend was now her boyfriend. I found it very odd that despite how much we talk she hadn’t mentioned this “friend” to me since earlier in the year.

A few weeks have passed and I am now actually about to leave my job for a new opportunity. She was the first person I told. We meet for lunch yesterday and she talked about how we could meet up in the evenings after work once I’d started my new job.

So, what I am confused about is the following:

1. If this overseas “friend” is actually her boyfriend why wouldn’t she mention him to me? We talk about stuff a lot and this guy has rarely cropped up and if he does it’s as a “friend”. She tells me a lot about her friends and family so I find it weird.
2. Why did she suggest going out in the evening before I went on holiday but went I get back and mention it via e-mail she seems to ignore it, only to now talk about going out in the evenings now that I’m leaving work? At no point did we agree it would be a date so it could easily have been as friends. Why the changing of mind?
3. Sometimes she seems to give me signals that she’s interested – long held eye contact, fiddling jewellery, acts different around me than with others at work (comes and finds me, talks more, smiles more, laughs at my bad jokes, if she has lunch she only ever has it with me, texts me when I'm off ill) who mostly think she’s very quiet and only focused on her job – and then sometimes I don’t hear from her for days on ends. I’ve given her hints I like her but we’ve never set boundaries on our friendship or discussed our feelings, which in my experience is something opposite-sex friends tend to do. Is it normal for that to be the elephant in the room?

One final point is that she doesn’t strike me as a tease in the slightest – and a mutual friend I trust agrees – so I don’t think she would be intentionally leading me on. She seems to have very strong morals and principles.

Sorry this was so long and I know the only way to know for sure is to ask her about the questions I’ve asked, and I plan to do this soon, but having been so ill recently my confidence is not good and am very confused. Some insight from others would really help me here as I don't want to waste time on something that is never going to work but at the same time I don't want to jump into the deep end and ruin my friendship by saying something that frightens her off.

Thank you.