Love only once?

[Lorelay]

Hello, thanks for sparing the time to read this~

My problem is not very different to that of many other people I'm sure. I was in a relationship once, a serious one that regretfully lasted only a little over a year. It was my first love, the first time when I was truly devoted to someone, perhaps to the point of being a little silly about it. I had had relationships before, but I had never quite been inlove, not like this. In any case, it's been quite awhile now, at the end of this month it will be 4 years since we broke up. I've had brief encounters with people some time after, but it was nothing special. Nothing stirred. I'm in a different relationship now, we've been together for about 4 months and we've known each other for well over 2 years. It looks and feels serious - my first serious one after the first.

Here's the deal though - I don't fancy myself inlove. I enjoy his company very much and we have very good chemistry. We have fun and we're there for each other. He's a stable adult, intelligent, with a lovely sense of humour and he's handsome too. But something is missing and I cannot even say what. Before you ask, no, I don't think I miss my ex. It's been so long now, I think I'm well over it. But I believe I miss the idea of love that I had then. Something broke when I lost that, something snapped and changed. I'm much more cynical now and I can't even imagine myself loving like that again. I don't even know if I believe in love anymore - it all seems so pragmatical; a bunch of criteria that someone has to meet, if they do - let's try, if not, move on.

But every now and then I stop and think of him. He was my first love. He was my best friend. He was a person I thought I'd see myself grow old with. And while the reasons for our break-up are still valid to this day, I can't help, but miss it all and think very firmly: I think I am one of those people who only love once.

I guess I just wanted some advice... whether you think this is at all plausible, that true love can happen to us only once. And maybe to know whether I am the only one who feels this silly about love.

[TablesandChairs]

Well...will you ever be as excited about the prospect of going to Disney Land as you were at, say, age 8? I remember when I was a young teen...I could eat as much pizza/ice-cream as I wanted and never worried about the consequences because I couldn't gain a kilo no matter what. Not quite the same any more, If I eat pizza, I'm not just thinking about the enjoyment value, but the impact it'll have on my back side.

Point is - it's normal. The naivety that comes with youth and inexperience isn't meant to last forever. Most of us don't go into relationships like love-struck, giddy teenage girls any more but that's not to say we can't fall in love - we can and if you haven't, it's merely because you haven't met the right person, not because you're too jaded. I wouldn't want the same love as I had as a young woman...it was volatile, selfish and had the stability of a broken pair of high heels. When I finally met the right person (at 28), I realised that you can have passion without drama.

[relationship55]

Maybe it could be because of your age. Love seems a lot more fun and exciting when you're younger! You should reflect on this.

[breathe123]

Do you feel that person was your soul mate? It appears to be you do from reading your post.