Just kinda left struck about it all

[JasonLee]

Well, where to begin. Me and my (ex) girlfriend were together for 4 years. Talked about marriage and all that usual stuff. To the story. She got accepted to C.S.U after graduating from our local college in Texas. I still had just 7 more credits and I would have been done as well. My dad had just died and it seemed all so sudden that I was leaving my family behind to keep up with her in Colorado. But I loved her, so I went.
Stayed for 2 and a half months but had problems.I had a job but I had no car. No license and my mom said she wouldn't support me if I had chose to leave. I couldn't finish my online classes because I didn't have enough money in time. I was walking to work, riding a bike, trying to find rides. (9 miles) We shared the car which did help to an extent. But it was still hard.In her defense she did offer her loan money i I had paid her back. She would always ask if something was wrong because I wasn't acting myself; to which I would reply " No ****! I'm fine" ( It did make me act somewhat snappy rude and closed off) Knowing that was not the truth. I just couldn't talk about it. I regret that choice now.
One day I decided the best thing to do was to go back home temporarily( to avoid further arguing for us) I told her in advanced and it crushed her. The whole week we were just kinda numb toward each other. She eventually broke down one day and bawled and yet I was still numb. I didn't say much. In fact I can't remember if I said anything at all. I wish I would have in retrospect. But I didn't. I told her I just wanted to get this done and be back. She replied " If you leave it's over." She made me sleep on the couch and wouldn't let me hold her hand anymore that whole week. Saying "you're leaving so basically it doesn't matter" There was a bar about 200 yards away so I hit the bottle. Hard.( I REGRET) Just to be able to sleep at night because I felt so hurt, instead of communicating like I should have. She then left everyday not caring if I had a ride to work or not. So I couldn't ride out my 2 weeks notice. One day she left for work and came back and I was gone. I couldn't stand the suffering anymore. After 4 years that's how I left :/ I hate I did that to.
After about a week and a half back in Texas I contacted her saying I regret everything I had done. But I was very close to having everything finished and could be back up there soon. She said "no I don't want that" I hurt her to much because she had put her faith and hope in me that I would be able to do it (make it work) and she was tired of my wishy washyness and my emotional baggage. I guess it was a "test" you would say ,to her, of me being a man. Preserving. And achieving it all myself. She wanted no part of me now.
After 4 years. I was crushed to no end. I had dropped everything for her to move up there and it seemed to go unnoticed. About a month later I found out she had a guy spend the night in our camper the day I left! A guy she meet in class 4 days prior of me leaving. ( i knew about him cuz i asked how school was when I was still in Colorado and she mentioned him! ) Posting pictures on social media. I thought how? How after 4 years could she move on that quick? I haven't even thought of another. I did pushed her away by blowing her up like crazy but I could not help it. It was a relationship I did not want to end. And for it to be over because I left for good reasons just felt .....idk. SO many things. I hated myself for it. Why had I made that decision. I let the best gift I had ever had in my life slip through my hands. Now my future that I had planned with her (same college and all) was just over.

[katyk]

Oh mi, Jason. What a pickle eh? You don't need me to point out that 'walking' out, twice, was a bad move so I won't but seems like you run every time in the hope something will improve instead of facing it heads on? Sounds like she just got fed up with your lack of communication and inability to figure things out for yourself. I do think your dad's death and your mum's reliance on you plays a huge part in all this. You seemed to have moved to Colorado without working out the practicalities first!

Once you are back home, use this as a lesson and start to focus on your future with or without this particular girl. Be realistic. It may be too late to resume your relationship with her (who knows?). Find a job you CAN get to easily, find a college nearby. You will meet lots of other people and if you are steady and happy you can let her know how fab life is and she may just want to come join you next time? In the meantime, have some fun...life is for living not regretting.

[lissa]

Toughie. The way you just left is undoubtedly very hurtful. But I don't really know if I approve of the way she acted either. Your father had just died and you were asking for some time to go home and work things out. Instead of going cold on you and making it all about her, she could have been more supportive or tried to talk to you about it more. Sounds like you both just bolted when the going got tough. You are young, so maybe that is to be expected.

But regardless of who is to blame, it sounds like she is not open to getting back together with you, at least for now. Begging to get her back will not help, if she decides to come back to you, she'll have to do that on her own (and the more you pressure/contact her, the more irritated she'll become and your value will plummet). So all you can do is to work on moving on. You have to grieve the loss of this relationship and the loss of the future that you thought you had lined up. Give yourself time to be upset over it and go through the cycle of feeling a bit better and then allowing the waves of sadness to come. This will probably go on for at least a couple of months, but it will get better. It's really all you can do right now.

[JasonLee]

Yea we both acted immature. And I guess what makes it the worst is the way I did leave. Means ill never have that face to face to say goodbye. I wasnt a man but rather a boy when you get to brass tax with that. COuldn't handle it. Ran. Not a thing im proud for. But lesson indeed learned in a HUGE way.