Reassurance of a girls feelings

[ivey444]

Ok I guess I always need reassurance and stuff with potential relationships, I tend to over-think these things and can never be sure what the other person is thinking...so i apologise if this may sound obvious.

I met this girl online, not through a dating site but through social gaming site and we've never met before in person. I told her I liked her after a few weeks of speaking briefly, her reaction was kind of good nothing like "i Like you too" but she seemed embarrassed and flattered by it and we continued talking.

Recently our conversations have escalated a lot more and they can get sexual sometimes (asking each other what we both like etc), she knows i like her like i've said and I always joke in a flirting way of how she likes me too and where will go on our first date and stuff like that. But she will never admit to liking me properly or anything, and when i jokingly say about going on a date will be adamant about not agreeing to go yet. But she will kinda always seem interested and be talking to me till late in the night.
I guess it is still early on since our conversations have escalated, so is she just not wanting to admit anything or agree to anything yet and wait before she does? Or is she not actually that in to me ? I'm confused about it now!

[JohanD]

I think it sounds like she is attracted to you, but there is something that is holding her back!
Sometimes, if you are too direct about your intentions, it tells her that you are within her reach. People like people that are harder to get because it makes themselves fell more special. It is typical that people have such a subconscious barrier although they like you...

[ivey444]

Thanks for the reply.

Yeah I was assuming I was probably being too direct with her. Do you think I should be less direct about how I feel etc from now or it doesn't matter anymore and should just act the sameway and she'll admit to something eventually?

[TheEvilJester]

Hmm.... I don't know. Do you feel comfortable giving examples of what you say to her and how she responds? Have you directly asked her out on a date, or do you kind of just hint at it?

It could be that she just likes you as a friend, or it could be that she does like you, but is shy about dating you just yet. Either way, I personally think it is immature to play childish games like that. She either likes you or she doesn't and she needs to be honest with you since it sounds like you are being honest with her. How old are you both, if you don't mind my asking? I can understand being a little shy about making the leap into a relationship. There are a million reasons she could be interested in you, yet still hesitant. But, the fact of the matter is she needs to get over it and at least tell you her intentions sometime soon, or you should just move along. Don't let somebody play games with you for too long.

At this point, I guess maybe do back off a little as Johan suggested. If after a little time she still does not seem to be making things any clearer, then just talk to her. Try to keep it as casual as you can. Just something along the lines of "Look, I like you and think we could maybe really work out in a relationship. Could I take you out sometime soon?" If need be, make it clear you don't mean to pressure her, but you at least deserve to know if she sees you as just a friend, or if she may be interested in more.

Have you two video chatted or met in person at any point yet? You have to be careful with meeting people online to be as sure as you can that they are who they say they are.

[ivey444]

Thanks for the detailed reply.

Its hard to give really specific examples but our conversations have ventured to where we would date, and what we like sexually kind of thing. If I said something like when I ask you to go out you would accept etc her response would be like "would I now?".

We have not met in person but have talked over the phone and snapchatted each other etc. But we haven't talked on the phone since our text based conversations have escalated.

[emma hitch]

I think that she likes you..otherwise she wouldnt talk to you at all!But yeah propably its still early..just stay calm and you'll see how it goes.In the meantime there are some things that can tell you if she is into you..for example if she stays and talk with you for many hours or until late even when she have things to do,if she seems interested to learn about you more and she try to find issues to talk about,if she ever speak first at you and also the frequency that she aims at spending time talking with you..if she cant pass through a day without talking to you she defenitely likes you..so just wait she already knows you like her..let her make the next step!

- - - Updated - - -

I think that she likes you..otherwise she wouldnt talk to you at all!But yeah propably its still early..just stay calm and you'll see how it goes.In the meantime there are some things that can tell you if she is into you..for example if she stays and talk with you for many hours or until late even when she have things to do,if she seems interested to learn about you more and she try to find issues to talk about,if she ever speak first at you and also the frequency that she aims at spending time talking with you..if she cant pass through a day without talking to you she defenitely likes you..so just wait she already knows you like her..let her make the next step!

[ivey444]

Thanks Emma.

That's my problem, I find it hard to stay calm in these situations
She definitely can be the first person to message me now, originally she wouldn't have been.
But yeah after letting her know I like her I can't see why she would talk to me in the way she does if she just wanted to be friends? She was blaming me for feeling tired the other day and pretty much said I was the reason why she was still up, but today she didn't respond to my last message after reading it from a couple of hours ago or so, I know she's going out and socializing and stuff tonight so I guess she's busy but I always overthink those situations

[Wakeup]

What can she "agree to?" You've never actually asked her out. Hinting about where your first date will be isn't asking her out.

[ivey444]

Ok last night she went out and started messaging me when she got back drunk. First thing said was if I were with any girls and then actually told me she liked me, so think all is good thanks everyone !

[TheEvilJester]

Glad to hear everything is okay. I would still agree with the advice not to rush things, though.

Believe me, I know how you feel when you say you over think things. I have been cursed with that affliction my whole life as well. Folks like us have to learn to balance that, because the unfortunate truth is you'll probably never be able to fully stop yourself. The trick is you just need to learn to engage your sensible side as well. It's okay to freak out a little to yourself. But, then remind yourself that the person is just a person, just like you.

In other words, you kind of get the "crazy" out to yourself so that you don't unleash it on them. For example, it's okay to worry a little bit when they don't respond to your messages right away. But don't actually give in to the concern and start asking them why they don't answer, or sending multiple messages or anything like that. You have to remind yourself that they are probably just busy and haven't been able to respond yet or any number of reasons.

Not to mention, some people aren't all that big on texting constantly. They may sometimes, and then they may go right back to only texting from time to time. Sounds like things are progressing well, though. Still, remember if he was drunk she may have said something she hadn't yet intended to say. Mind you, if she said it, she PROBABLY means it. Most people aren't going to say something that is untrue when they are drunk. But, she may not have been ready to say it. Being drunk does sometimes encourage people where they may have normally held back. So, don't get your hopes up too much that this means things are finally moving forward.

But again, just take your time and see how things go. When it comes down to it, if she wants to play games, then you should just move on. But, hopefully you never have to worry about that. Good luck.

[Wakeup]

Ok last night she went out and started messaging me when she got back drunk. First thing said was if I were with any girls and then actually told me she liked me, so think all is good thanks everyone !

You better actually ask her out on a date with a time and a place because if you don't then you're headed for the friend zone. Make a move, a real move and not some verbal hinting and little girl/boy games from grade 7... Do It for gawd sakes.

[emma hitch]

I agree with the rest here..from what you say she likes you so now just stop overthinking and overanalyze every little thing..keep talking with her like you do and if she shows more signs or say again that she likes you(not drunk) just to be sure let her know that you really want to meet her and you see it more serious but dont scare her you will feel when its the right time to say this or if its too soon cause i dont know for how long you speak but i guess its less than a month!and try to stay calm if you want to keep her interested..i really wish u good luck!

[ivey444]

You better actually ask her out on a date with a time and a place because if you don't then you're headed for the friend zone. Make a move, a real move and not some verbal hinting and little girl/boy games from grade 7... Do It for gawd sakes.

Yep I am very immature with these things.
I don't think there's much chance of being friendzoned, we got super close with the kind of messages we sent each other last night.
I guess I just need to ask her on a date. The only thing is at the moment I am pretty far away. But I am soon to be about 2 hours away, when I say soon I mean in January some point. So do I wait till then? I obviously don't want to wait too long in hope she doesn't lose interest!

[Wakeup]

Now I have to ask you why you're getting involved to this extent with someone that you're actually going to have a very hard time getting together with?

Why are you doing this to yourselves? Is it sexting that you're hooked on?

[ivey444]

I think a 2 hour trip between homes is perfectly reasonable?

I have fallen pretty hard now so wish I hadn't done it to myself! Sexting is most definitely not what I am looking for