Boyfriend Would Rather Jerk Off Than Have Sex....

[montanamommy]

This is incredibly awkward to talk about, but I need guys' advice. Or ANYONE'S advice...

My boyfriend and I have known each other for over 20 years, been friends for lots of years, and finally started dating in early 2014. Anyway, at the beginning of our relationship, he ALWAYS wanted to have sex. Like, whenever we were alone, he would be all over me. Or we'd even be out driving in the countryside, and we'd pull over and have sex. It was great!!

But anymore, our sex life has become nearly non-existent.

Here's some details:
1. He is a Marine, so while on deployments or based, he is used to only having porno to watch
2. In early July, I had a miscarriage which was his child. I was only about 3 weeks along.
3. He is not cheating on me, that I am 100,000% sure of
4. He recently got promoted and is going through the phases of the background check, which has been stressing him out.

I know that sometimes stress can cause a man to lose his libido temporarily, but I don't see why he'd still have the urges then to sneak off and masturbate. He goes to the bathroom to do it, and runs the shower so that I'll think he's taking a shower. Really though, I know what he's doing. One day, he had taken a shower early in the morning when we woke up, and then around noon, he hopped back upstairs to take another shower. Since we hadn't been having sex often at all (about 2 times a week), I admit, I peeked under the door to confirm my suspicions. Sure enough, you could see what he was doing. I didn't watch, but I saw enough to know that I was right that he was sneaking up there to jerk off, when I'm willing to have sex with him anytime he wants.

I'm not fat, I haven't gained weight... My boobs aren't as big as they used to be, as I breast-fed my daughter (that was 7 years ago though). He likes big boobs, and that's the kind of porn he prefers. I've wanted breast implants for a long time, and he wants me to get them asap. He even did research online to help me find a plastic surgeon...I wasn't offended at all, since we both mutually want me to get the surgery. However, I'm wondering if my body type is what's suddenly making him not want to have sex with me? But then again, my boobs have been the same since we started dating, so I don't know why that would all-the-sudden be an issue.

We have a wonderful, loving relationship otherwise that is mutually satisfying and we get along great and have lots of fun together. I feel like crap, though. I feel very unattractive, and i can never live-up to the porno girls...nor do I particularly want to. Even when I initiate sex, he claims that he's too tired. It's heartbreaking. We have amazing sex, so I don't know what to do here.

Also, yes, I have confronted him about this and let him know how it makes me feel. He lied and denied that he masturbates up there. I couldn't flat-out tell him I knew he was lying, because he hates being called a liar. I just gave up the argument after he told me that he's very attracted to me and to stop jumping to conclusions. But I know what I saw.

[woody]

Okay. Well. Masturbation isn't a bad thing and I know that's not what your implying either but I can understand the whole, 'what's up' (no pun intended) vibe. Meaning, your around so why not just have sex with each other.

Well, He could be going through something (more than what you mentioned), or some personal body issues himself or this is a way to deflate his stresses due to work. I wouldn't take it too personally if I were you. Masturbating (especially for men) is a quick, efficient way to blow off steam (again, no pun intended) it can be done in private in a matter of moments and is a great way to re boot.

Not as easy for ladies to do. We need a room and space, the right energy; I don't think men need to set the tone as much as we do.
As far as your breast size goes; well, he loved them before and I'm sure he loves them still. Getting implants is your choice, not his. Don't forget that. If you don't want them, don't do it. I'm sure your breasts are already perfectly lovely. If he wants huge massive back breaking breasts, well he's always got his porn. SAve your back. If you do get them, don't go too big; it's just not worth it. Seriously, talk to any large breasted lady and ask her if she wishes they were smaller and she'll say, God yes.
--------------

Next: Turn the tides on him. If your not getting satisfied, satisfy your self. He'll become the one wondering where you are as you lock yourself into a room for a 'nap'. Jog his memory that your a woman and you have needs that gosh, you just didn't want to bother him with since, you know, he's so busy these days. I would imagine that'd peak most mens interests.
Remind him of the sexual Goddess you are. Liberate your self. There is nothing wrong with pleasuring ones self. Sure it can be intimidating at first but with some imagination, the right mood, it can be a wonderfully satisfying reflection.

women need orgasms. They make us happy. When we're happy, we work better in all aspects. Consider it your duty to your self.

good luck Montana.