A choice

[jcgerm]

About a month ago, my girlfriend of 4 years dumped me because she wanted to be alone for a while and concentrate on herself without having to worry about affecting someone else. This definitely wasn't my idea. She says she still feels the same way about me and says she's still in love with me. She also wants to be really close friends (not a friends with benefits deal, just close). My problem is that I'm still madly in love with her. We were going to just take a break, but then she said we should just break up because she didn't think it was fair that I wait for her (even though I want to try).

Now, I wrestling with the choice of whether or not I should tell her that we shouldn't talk anymore. I want to be friends, but I'm not sure I can do it with someone I love so much and have a long history with. Needless to say, there's a lot going on with her that I don't understand. She has a hard time giving me straight answers on some things because she doesn't want me to think we're still together and she feels guilty. We're supposed to talk again in a couple months to see how she would feel about getting back together and she says she's optimistic that we will. I'm not sure what to do. I don't want to break off contact with her, but I don't know if I can handle being friends after everything we're been through together.

Does anyone have any suggestions? I could go either way on this one, but there doesn't seem to be a good choice no matter how I look at it.

[Tone]

Friends after a relationship won't work if one of the two still has feelings for the other... it's just not worth it...

[Junket]

What Tone said.

Further more she's being selfish.

She's putting you on hold until she feels like bringing you back around again.

Which isn't even guaranteed because as of right now she's single and equal game for any other guy.

[jcgerm]

What Tone said.

Further more she's being selfish.

She's putting you on hold until she feels like bringing you back around again.

Which isn't even guaranteed because as of right now she's single and equal game for any other guy.

Do you think she's still putting me on hold even though she tells me not to wait for her? Or is she just hiding behind her guilt?

[Junket]

Either or I couldn't say. I can only go off of what you tell us.

But in either case, it's not a good situation when somebody "still loves you" but just wants to be friends.

You can come to dinner but you can't eat.

Now that's not very nice, now is it?

[jcgerm]

hmm...sounds like theres a 3rd party involved....we've heard the "need time alone" phrase before....

I seriously doubt there's a 3rd party. She just left for grad school to a place where she's never been before. Besides, I've known her for almost 10 years. I seriously doubt she would hide something like that. Then again, anything is possible I suppose.

[misombra]

she wants to be free to experience things that she hasn't been able to since she's been with you. you cannot blame a girl for that.

as for the no contact thing, that's entirely up to you. it's hard to move on though when you're still in touch with her and your heart is telling you that there's hope. no contact might be good even for a little while so that you can calm your emotions and she can go see what it's like to be in this new place away from you.

i'm really sorry.

[shh!]

I agree with misombra.

[Only-virgins]

Being friends with someone you love and not being with them (by choice of hers) is just stupid. How is your mind going to fall for someone new when you see her everyday and are fixaded on her?. I would give her an ultimatum. Either she breaks up with you and leaves and NO friends or you stay together.

[jcgerm]

Well, I told her that we can't be friends. She was really really upset. I think she cried through 1/2 our conversation. She first thought I meant not talking for a week, but I told her I didn't know how long. If she changes her mind, I told her she can tell me, but I'm not holding my breath. We're both optimistic that we could get back together once she figures out her life. In the meantime, I'm going to move on. I still love her and I don't think that's going to change, but I can't wait forever for her. It's going to take me a long time to get over her anyway, so it's best not to think about it I guess. I hope that this experience makes her really think hard about being without me. We're still in love, that's very obvious, but I do kind of wonder if she's really in love. How could someone so in love do something like this?

[Junket]

You've done well germ.

[Only-virgins]

You've done well germ.

I agree. Man has some ballz on him.

[Ellynn]

I dont think shes in love....but she loves you. Not quite the same. She cares about you but has to do her own thing. Let her do that....make no promises to each other....enjoy life. If the two of you get back together someday you do .........and if not then at least you weren't waiting around with high expectations.