Sexual Attraction or Not?

[Rose52]

I met a man through an online dating site. On our first date we met in a pub for a couple of drinks. We got on well, have a lot in common as we both grew up in the same country before we emigrated to the US, and have similar interests. We are both in our early sixties - he's divorced, I'm a widow. Neither of us is interested in getting married again but are seeking a long-term relationship. We had a goodbye hug after the date. I was leaving for a trip but he said he'd love to make me dinner at his house when I got back as he loves to cook. He made a point of saying "if you're comfortable with that."

So, for our second date he cooked me a lovely dinner and we listened to music and talked for hours. During the the evening he coughed a few times and said he felt like he might be coming down with the flu. At one point he talked about a specific idea for our next date, which appealed to me. At around 10 pm I said I should head home as I know he starts work early. As I got up to go, he apologized for being "standoffish" (meaning he didn't make any advances towards me). Then he said "I don't know how things are supposed to work these days." I felt awkward and mumbled something about it being ok and that I didn't know either. (I wasn't prepared to sleep with him so soon anyway.) As I left, he said he wasn't going to kiss me in case he was getting sick. Then he hugged me and kissed me on my cheek. As it turned out he did have the flu and is now recuperating.

I'd really like to hear what you think might be going on? Does he like me? Is he attracted to me? Is he shy? On both dates I caught him a couple of times sneaking a quick peek at my cleavage, so I think he had at least some initial sexual interest in me. Basically, I have no clue how to handle this now. I'm not sure whether to bring it up in a conversation or drop it. I'm just awful at reading men! Does anyone have any words of wisdom for me. Thanks for "listening."

[Wakeup]

you've had TWO dates. You don't need to know anything about where "this" is going or if he's "sexually" attracted to you or not. What you do need to concentrate on is whether or not a next date is coming after he's feeling over the flu. You might want to invite him OUT to dinner so that he knows you're interested in keeping him around for a companion IF the two of you find you're compatible and like one another. At 60, for all you know he could have erectile dysfunction but that's not anything to worry about at this point ... get to know him better and as you do, you'll learn more and more about him and you'll discover soon enough.

"Neither of you are interested in getting married again. That's at least one thing you know you want (or don't want). Do you know exactly what you DO want for your dating goal(s)? That is how you get what you want... by knowing what it is you want and then not settling for anything less.

Pay attention to his actions (not his words).

[TablesandChairs]

Rose, he is no longer at the age where sex is the main priority nor is he a hormonal teenager looking to get down your pants by the second date. It's likely he hasn't dated for some time and by him saying 'I'm not sure how things work these days' - that's an admittance that he's probably been out of the game for a while and doesn't know what's appropriate and what's not - kissing someone on the second date when you have the flu - when you don't know whether it would be welcomed or not or too soon or not...can be daunting.

Give it time to develop into something and then make a decision - 2 dates isn't enough and I wouldn't take him not being overtly sexual as a sign of anything

[Rose52]

Thank you. Great insight and I appreciate feedback from an outside perspective. It's been over 30 years since I last dated so it's scary!

[michelle23]

Of course he finds you attractive there wouldn't have been a second date otherwise. Take it slow and go with the flow. Its bound to be awkward and nerve racking for both of you at first.

[Rose52]

I took your advice and invited him to dinner. He said he'd love that and is starting to finally feel better after that killer flu. I'm feeling better about things too!

- - - Updated - - -

I'm new to this site and I don't seem to be replying correctly to individual posts, but I very much appreciate all of your advice!

[lucashope]

wow, caught sneaking a quick peek at your cleavage, that is pretty awkward moment for a guy getting caught like that. now i'm thinking did I ever got caught like this XD anyway its normal every guy peek at cleavages, it means nothing, its guy's nature to peek and women's to reveal for the guys to look. what goes on next is the chemistry between you 2, how you get along and stuffs.

[katyk]

Hi, agree with previous posters. Just go with the flow. How long has been divorced? How long was he married? All of these things have some relevance and influence on behaviour. He may have taken a huge beating (not literally but emotionally). Sounds like a really nice guy and if you have a lot of other things in common and enjoy each others company, anything else should follow naturally. Don't rush, don't worry...just enjoy!