Help me figure out what the deal is

[IDon'tGetBoys]

Hi all I am new here and I need your help and advice. Here's the story....

I met this guy at work and we became really good friends. He had a girlfriend and I was married, so we were just friends...well over the course of the next year I got a divorce and he and his girlfriend broke up. Him and shared an office by that time so while he was going through his break up him and I became very close. In the next 3 months, he lost his job and I wondered where we would go from there.

Well our relationship just grew (still as just friends). We met up at least 2-3 times a week for lunch and 1-2 times a week for dinner. We either talked on the phone or texted or IM'd every day for the next 2 months. We went out together on group dates. We were not really a "couple" but people saw us that way. Everyone knew that we were together, but not together. We went out one night with friends and he kissed me and hung on me, grabbing my hand and holding it, etc. The next weekend we went to a friends house and ended up getting a hotel room. He asked me to stay with him in his bed. As we laid there he ran his fingers through my hair, kissed me, etc until we fell asleep. The next day we spent the day together. He took me to meet his friends, we went shopping, he took me to meet his family. Later that night I went home and he called me a couple of times to make sure that I was ok. The next weekend he went with me to myhometown and met my family. We had a great time, again getting a hotel room. But nothing major happened. We just help each other until we fell asleep.

The next week, he called me and told me that his mother was trying to set him up with a girl from his mom's work. The girl is newly separated from her husband and has kids. He has always said that he would never ever date a girl with kids. He told me about her on Thursday and we were supposed to go out with friends on Friday. Well our plans fell through b/c a lot o fthe people couldnt make it so we cancelled. The next day I found out that he had had a date with the new girl on Friday and another with her kids on Saturday. On Sunday we never talked. This was the first time in months that we had no contact for an entire day.

The next day he IM'd me and instantly knew that I was mad. I told him that I didn't appreciate him lying to me (I thought that he had lied to me about cancelling Friday so that he could go out w her). Anyway, that night he called me and we talked for 3 hors about us. We talked about how we were "When Harry Met Sally". I told him that I was a little jealous because we had made plans (as friends) and if he had a girlfriend none of our plans would happen. He told me that noone would ever replace me he told me that I was his voice of reason, his ying when he yanged, etc. He called me sweetie and blah, blah, blah. I thought everything was fixed.

Since then we have been to eat once (its been 3 weeks). He calls me maybe once a day. He never IM's me and never texts me. When we talk now its because there is a reason. We just never talk anymore.

What should I do? I don't know if he is even seeing this girl or not. He is very stand offish with me. It is killing me to have someone there 24/7 and now I see it as a treat if he calls. Did he like me, but I was to stand offish with him? I didn't always reciprocate his signs of affection because I was worried about our friendship. But I can't figure out if we were "just" friends why would his dating stop our relationship. If we were "just" friends shouldn't we still be the same? Or do you guys think that we were more than "just" friends? Please help me.....thanks for taking the time to read this. Oh btw I am 28 and he is 29.

[misombra]

did you guys talk about what the deal was with the two of you?

[shh!]

He had the chance to sleep with you (or at least try to) more than once and didn't take advantage of it. My guess is that he doesn't like you in THAT way, but probably really DID like you as a friend. He may be seeing that the "just friends" thing won't work (it didn't on Harry and Sally, either, as I recall).

Just be happy you haven't slept with him, and maybe in the future you ought to clarify the nature of your relationship when you start to feel warm fuzzies for someone.

[gHEXjt]

It sounds to me like you were more than just friends, but that's something no one really knows except you. But it does sound like you want to be more than just friends. Do you? I don't think anyone can tell you exactly what to do in this situation. The best advice I can give you is to talk to him. See what is going on in his head and just tell him how you feel about everything. If you want him, tell him that. Maybe he wanted you but felt like you didn't want him since you said you didn't always reciprocate his signs of affection. You're in a tough situation, but if you talk to him try to tread softly. If he's very confrontational then don't create a situation that would make him stand-offish.

[IDon'tGetBoys]

Thanks for the advice. We never really talked about us before he started dating this new girl. The Monday after he went out with her we really talked. Thats when he told me that I have nothing to worry about. I guess what I am having a hard time figuring out is that if we were "just" friends I dont understand why our friendship has changed. Is it b/c I am a girl, or is it b/c we were really more than friends? I mean he used to go out without me, but he always would call and let me know what was going on or when he would be home. I never didn't know what he was up to. I also wan to mention that I never called him first. I didnt want it to seem that I was bothering him or checking up on him. I ALWAYS let him make the first move. I never asked him to do stuff with me, he always asked me to go with him. That way I knew that he wanted me there, not just being with me b/c I asked him to. I am sorry to be rattling on and on, but this is the first "relationship" since my divorce and this guy was a really great guy...way different than my ex.

[shh!]

I guess what I am having a hard time figuring out is that if we were "just" friends I dont understand why our friendship has changed. Is it b/c I am a girl, or is it b/c we were really more than friends? .

Maybe he is trying to figure this out, too. Y'all need to talk...