We were together just months away from 8 years. Our relationship wasn't forced. Neither one of us was looking for one. It just happened... It was also a first for both of us.

Things had to move very quickly because of her parents. They didn't like me because i was white and was also 7 years older than her(don't worry, she was 18). We had to move in together only after about 3 months or so, otherwise her parents were going to try and lock her away. They were emotionally abusive to her and that was the only option to stay together at the time.
We had our ups and downs of course... But nothing we were never able to get through. We did just about everything together.

Up until a little over 3 weeks ago i thought everything was fine. I found out what she had planned before she even told me. I thought something was off so i checked her phone and saw a text to her friend saying that she is going to break it off the following week on our little birthday trip. I brought this up to her and she said that it was true. She said that it was a hard decision to make but that she wasn't happy recently. She said she still loved me and cared for me. I understand why she wasn't happy... I take full blame for it. She had some health issues, our work schedules weren't coinciding right. I was turning into quite the cynic. I know i was taking her for granted. I guess i just got too comfortable with things. We even talked about it recently and that i was really working on being positive with things. I would never yell at her or anything of that nature... It was just my negativity that hurt her.

We stayed in the same house for about a week. Separate rooms. I finally sent her an email and texted her to read if she wanted. She read it and responded that she was going to go on a trip to the east coast and visit a friend. That she wasn't going to be up there permanently. She said that she hadn't given up on me completely just yet. She need to get away and clear her head. Later that night i found out that she was going to visit a guy that we've had problems with before. A guy she met on a gaming forum who was completely manipulative and a womanizer with no respect for relationships. Nothing ever got too serious with them. Mainly just him flirting. Sometimes a bit too much. They hadn't talked at all for almost 3 years. I told her she wasn't allowed to because i couldn't trust him. When i told her that, she stopped. I told her that i found out where she was going. She said that he has a girlfriend and that they are just friends and nothing else. I didn't press her anymore and just left it at that.

We kept in touch while she was driving up their... She was in a hotel for about a week in the city the guy was in. Then i found out that she was looking for work and an apartment... I brought this up and her response was "don't talk to me anymore..." At that point i was very angry and pretty much hated her... I even had her phone disconnected not even 30 minutes after she told me that. Honestly the hate didn't even last and hour... Since i realized i was the one who pushed her away.

I didn't have any contact with her for a little over a week when i decided to send her an email with a long message and some pictures i figured she would want from the computer(nothing with me in it). I didn't expect a response at all. But not long after she responded through texting that she read the note and appreciated the pics. She reiterated that she's already said what she has to say. She even stood by her statement that she wouldn't be up there permanently. We've pretty much been talking ever since then. Maybe a little over a week. It's nothing serious... Just small talk. She did come to me about some stuff her parents called her up to say that upset her though...

Unfortunately, I know that she's not staying in a hotel anymore and staying with him... Her facebook page still says single but his says that he is in a relationship with her... I don't understand why she would still be talking to me if that is the case... I sent her a long message a couple nights ago talking about my feelings about what she is doing. I told her that i wasn't sure how long i would be able to continue talking to her... That it wasn't because of her but because of who she's with. That i had no respect for a man who never had any respect for our relationship to begin with. I told her that i thought that what she was doing was wrong and that in her heart she knew it too. I figured after saying those things she wouldn't talk to me anymore. But about 3 hours later she started sending me messages again. She didn't say anything about what i had to say about him though. She still hasn't stopped talking to me... I really don't know what to think.

Everyone says just to stop talking to her... Let her go. I've tried but i can't. It's just too hard. Nothing i do gets her out of my head... Unfortunately we worked at the same company so that doesn't help either... I know her more than anyone. That in her heart she thinks that she was the one that caused me all the negativity and stress. That i'm better off without her. I'm afraid that if i stop talking to her she'll think i'm perfectly fine with her gone and think it was all true. That she was the cause of it. My feelings for her are still as strong as ever regardless of what she's doing. I'm constantly worried and thinking about her safety...

I'm just so confused. This has pushed me into a pretty deep depression. I've never had to go through this before. I honestly don't even know how to do anything without her in my life... Since we always did everything together. I don't know what to think about her continued communication... I'm just so lost right now.