Does she like me?

[mighty_muffin]

I met this girl during the orientation of freshman class and I kinda liked her. But I forgot her face and after a month we were reintroduced by a common friend. I started hanging out with a group of people who she sometimes used to sit during the meals in college dining. She is a really nice person and talked to a lot of people. But I kinda felt like she finds me out in the table and sits by me, and had some good conversations. I guess she was just being nice, and she probably was. Even though I had secret crush on her, I kinda thought like she's out of my league. I never thought she could like me.

Also, I went to a few parties with her, and she was interested in dancing with other people, I'd say people who are physically attractive at least. This also could be explained by the fact that I'm a horrible dancer so I didn't bother that much about it.

Things got really confusing for me after the break. After two days classes started, she asked me to study in the library together. So I went there and found her with another girl and guy. After a while these two went to somewhere and she told that she thinks they're in a relationship and she's gonna ask them if that's true. They said no. About an hour later these two left and I was sitting with her. She asked me if we can workout together, and I said okay. She was ready to go on that night but the gym was closed by then. Then she asked whether I'll go to a supermarket with her to get some stuff. I said yes this time as well. So when we're done with our studies I asked if she's going to the superstore or not, and she said she feels sleepy so she won't go.

I thought she's probably liking me. However, on that weekend she started giving signs that she doesn't like hanging out with me, and after a few times I was clear she's trying avoid me. I felt really bad as someone doesn't like my presence so I backed off. When the weekend is over she seemed like not that pushy and tried to talk to me. But I was really confused and avoided places where we might cross each other. After a few attempts for talking to me, she understood that I backed off so she also started doing the same.

In the meantime, I was talking to one her close friends, who was also my friend, and he said that once she asked him "whether or not I like her". I said she's a nice person because I was confused.

As of today, I can't really decide whether to asked her out and really confused if she's like me or not. It's now getting worse. I can't avoid people; i feel really bad about when I do so. And I feel like she was expecting to hear something from me probably. On the other hand, her behavior with other people, specially at the weekends, makes me confused. Please tell me if she had liked me and I messed up, or she was just being nice?

[lavinia808]

Just ask her! Clearly this is stressing you out and you're not happy just being friends. Be confident and clear, if she turns you down be graceful about it.

[TheEvilJester]

Trust me, I know just how you feel. This sort of self-doubt and second guessing is something I have battled all my life. Let me ask you this, you say you got the impression that she didn't like you/didn't want to hang out. What gave you that impression? What did she do that made you think she didn't like hanging out with you? After all, she was the one who specifically sat next to you, and who kept inviting you to study/go the gym/accompany her to the store, etc. Sure, a few of those things wound up not happening for one reason or another, but SHE invited you in the first place. So, why would she do that if she doesn't like hanging out with you?

Take it from me, I know what this self doubt can do to you. I do this to myself when I have a new friend, so it is a million times worse when there is a girl I like. I torture myself, over-analyzing every little thing the person does/says convinced there is no way somebody could like me (as a friend or otherwise) and that it must just be inevitable that they'll stop liking me at some point. If I don't catch myself, I can get carried away with it and really torture myself. I have to remember to engage my sensible side and realize that I am freaking out for no reason. More importantly, to realize that if the person doesn't like me, that is THEIR loss, not mine. And if they don't like me, then they aren't a good person and don't deserve my friendship in the first place.

In all likelihood, you are probably just over-analyzing things because you like her. I can't see why she would ask you to hang out with her in the first place if she didn't like you. Now, mind you, that may just mean she likes you as a friend. You won't know unless you ask. So, why not just as her out? Easier said then done, I know. Still, what do you really have to lose? If you don't necessarily want to be just friends with her, then go for it and if it doesn't go well just distance yourself.

As lavinia says, though, just ask and if she isn't interested, just be polite and walk away. Otherwise you will just kill yourself with doubt, so better just to bit the bullet, go for it, and know the truth. Good luck!