How to control my doubts & insecurities?

[Bekkah_Kathryn]

I met my boyfriend over the Internet when I was 14.
We met online after I had been through a horrible break up. We became practically best friends, and absolutely nothing more, until he fell off the face of the earth one day for personal reasons. We didn't talk for almost a year until I got spontaneous message from him 2 months ago. Thats when we discovered we mutually have feelings for each other as more than friends.
My ex boyfriend who I was with at the time of meeting my current was awful. He sexually and verbally abused me, got me pregnant and denied being the father. Also, I miscarried when I was 14 weeks and he refused to go to the hospital. He is the reason behind every ounce of insecurity I have now.
The man I'm with now is great. He treats me so specially although we live 3 states away from each other and in July I will be meeting him for the first time in person. He knows about all of the physical and emotional abuse I've endured as my dad and step mom are functioning alcoholics and extremely emotionally abusive. I also have major depressive disorder on top of a list of other psychological disorders that he is well aware of and fully accepts.
But, in the past 2 weeks I've found myself having a lot of doubts. I always find myself thinking he's "clingy" when he wants to show me he cares and I constantly feel as though I am not good enough for him. He reassures me of how much I mean to him, and I know he's being completely honest in his feelings, but my insecurities are holding me back tremendously from becoming emotionally attached to him.

So, I ask: Does anybody know how he could be feeling or has anybody (on the male end) gone through this and could explain to me how you felt at the time?
Also, what can I do to break down my emotional barrier and stop doubting how much he cares for me?

[dontaskme]

Hold on girl... How old are you? You haven't met the guy in real life and you consider him your boyfriend?
You got pregnant by an abusive guy then had a miscarriage before the age of 14. Are you kidding me?

WTF!

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You have more pressing and serious issues to worry about than breaking your emotional barriers with a guy that you haven't met in person.

[Bekkah_Kathryn]

To clear a few things up, I'm 17 right now. I did NOT get pregnant by will. Like I said, he was sexually abusive as well. I was 14 when I was pregnant and 15 when I miscarried. It's most definitely not something I take pride in, and I strongly regret the path I was on. Hence all of the insecurities I have now. We haven't met in person, but we are dating. I believe that you don't have to physically be with a person to get to know them on an intimate level. Thats just my opinion and I can tell you have your own as well. I've known him for longer than a majority of my friends I have now. We have skyped and I know a majority of his family.

[dontaskme]

Take care of your depression and other psychological issues first before jumping the gun on this guy. You have way too many emotional, psychological and mental baggage. Based on what you wrote, you're not ready for a relationship.

Get treatment for your depression. That should be your priority instead of worrying about your insecurities with your so called "boyfriend".

[TablesandChairs]

Are you receiving treatment? Are you participating in any sort of therapy/counselling?

You have a few things to consider - you're the child of two functioning alcoholics which sucks; I'm assuming you have had quite the childhood. You got on the wrong path, in part, because your parents were too busy with the bottle. At 14/15, you got into a relationship with someone abusive; became pregnant, miscarried (which I hate to say, is probably fortunate) and now you're in a place where all of that is behind you yet very much present. Issues don't sort themselves out - you have to be proactive, get in contact with the right people in your area (services which will probably be free to you given your age/income). You have to help yourself. No matter how well-meaning this new guy is, he can't save you and if he's bombarded with a barrage of insecurity, issues and post-traumatic type problems, the relationship is unlikely to survive.

Your past doesn't have to haunt you forever - what's done is done and with the right help, you can move forward. But you must not get into the mind-set that you NEED a boyfriend or that they can somehow save you from your issues.

[Bekkah_Kathryn]

For a couple of years I was on medication and went to therapy once a week. Around 7th grade my parents called it all off and I've kind of been dealing with it alone. I've had MDD for 8 years and I'm pretty positive it will always be settled in my bones regardless of the amount of therapy I go to and the amount of drugs I put in my body. I certainly know that I don't need a boyfriend. For the most part I've always been very independent. I've been happy not having a boyfriend through out high school. But it's not very often that somebody with quite a few psychological disorders comes across a significant other thats fully willing to accept all of the baggage you carry.

[Wakeup]

To clear a few things up, I'm 17 right now. I did NOT get pregnant by will. Like I said, he was sexually abusive as well. I was 14 when I was pregnant and 15 when I miscarried. It's most definitely not something I take pride in, and I strongly regret the path I was on. Hence all of the insecurities I have now. We haven't met in person, but we are dating. I believe that you don't have to physically be with a person to get to know them on an intimate level. Thats just my opinion and I can tell you have your own as well. I've known him for longer than a majority of my friends I have now. We have skyped and I know a majority of his family.

Look it.. instead of believing the words of a man that you've never actually met in person (hence why your gut is telling you not to let your emotional guard down) why don't you start seeing a personal therapist to get over your upbringing, your personal relationship past, to learn how to nurture your inner child, to work on honing your personal boundaries, love of self and confidence?

You are in no position to be jumping into anything with some dufus you met on line and is being just as abusive if he's being "clingy" and persisitent.

You won't do this because of the things you need to work on about yourself but you should really tell him that you are in no position to start up anything with any man at this point in your life and you're going to be working on yourself and will have no time to nurture a relationship and go through the fear and angst of something long distance.

This man is a caretaking, white knight type that thinks he can fix you and gets his own self-worth from being needed by vulnerable, codependent women like yourself. He has a set of his own issues because if you think about it. What man in his right mind would want to be with someone he's never met when he knows of the issues she is currently suffering from? A good man, one worth having would distance himself from you until you have come to terms with your codependency, your past abuse and have a good sense of who you are. He wouldn't strive to be with you so he can caretake you through life.

If you want the links to the things I say you need to work on before you get in any other relationship then please let me know. I'll not waste your or my time if you are not going to read them. I will say that if you don't work on things within then you will keep getting with abusive men.. some may not be violent at it but it will still be abuse. (Having White Knight Syndrome like this man appears to have will be psychologically abusive to you and will do nothing to improve on your codependency issues).

I wish you the strength to understand how important it is that you don't meet this guy or any other guy until you've worked on you.

[Bekkah_Kathryn]

Thanks for the advice everybody. I'll be sure to keep it all in mind as I restart my recovery process. And [MENTION=52694]Wakeup[/MENTION] if you would like to take the time send me those links I would surely look into them.