Asking a Married woman for the impossible!

[Distressed.Male]

For over a year I, an inexperienced 23 year old have known a 25 year old married woman. She had married just months before meeting me. We worked together and our friendship grew beyond the rightful bounds. Her relationship with her husband seems quite weird in my opinion as they live seemingly disjointed lives, they calculate and separates their expenses (but they do seem to spend for each other), she claims that she has NEVER reached orgasm with him so she regularly reverts to her vibrator.

She has several health issues such as gastritis, while he eats alone regularly he says that she is a grown up so does not even suggest that she eat properly. For their first anniversary, she wanted to go the Brighton beach for which I explained the best travel plan and ticket prices and such, the arrogant husband decided he can manage alone and made his own travel plan and reached Brighton passed 2 pm. For Christmas the cheap romantic bought her a cheap union jack thong and matching boxers. She changed jobs and her new job required her to say late at work and take the night bus home, he was not even concerned how she would return and soundly slept at home. Her new job required her to work over 50 hours with over 2 hours travel time per day and she had barely time to eat or rest, yet he did not bother making things easier such as cooking for her or washing the clothes. All these times I was with her, explaining her travel routes, sometimes picking her up from work, reminding and insisting that she eats, sometime cooking for her, ironing her clothes, waking her up in the morning to get to work, finding the train times and so much more.

We spent so much time together, on phone, texting, meeting up, coffee shops, night outs, but rarely was the relationship sexual in nature. During night outs (where I assumed she would be my wing woman we just ended up dancing with each other) she would touch me intently and repeatedly asked to kiss me and I continuously refused, expect just one time, where we ended up just short of sex. From this point my mind and my urges spilt beyond my control. I repeatedly tried to close our relationship but she would cry and slip into a depressive mood, so we slowly go back to our normal state. I gave her the option of divorcing her man and promised her that I would marry her or else that we close this relationship because it was too much emotional and mental strain for me (although she seems quite comfortable in this juxtaposition) seeing that I am more committed to her wellbeing than her husband. I am devote atheist and she is a devote catholic, I do not see such an immense value in the illusion of marriage and know very well that hearts weaver at a warm breeze. My own parents are still together yet both of them are aware that both of them have cheated on each other at different points in their lives. So I can’t respect this convention of marriage and that’s why I made my proposal to her of getting divorced and marrying me (which personally was not something of great value but to her marriage seems to be of utmost importance and sanctity, as she looks forward to a "complete family" since she was disowned by her parents as she was born out of wedlock and raised by her grandmother) I made the proposal since I felt I could love her wholly and provide her the family she wants ( Love aside, I even earn more than her husband) and I also know that her husband does not value family ties or let alone loves her completely, this same husband refused to see his own parents as he was "too busy" and she had to welcome the parents in law and entertain them while working 50 hours a week while he works barely 30 hours.

During this same time that I made my proposal(which was obviously not done in a romantic manner), she also quit her job over an argument with her manager and currently at home. Another interesting fact is that she is deeply unsatisfied with her career while her husband seems quite focused and plans to do masters and such. While I try to encourage her to study more, she doesn’t seem to get the required backing from her husband. So now a concoction of negative emotions such as her own inadequacy and my own demands has set her into a depression. This husband is working as a driver and recently had a minor accident and received momentary compensation for it, so at this moment he has taken his wife to a 4 day trip to Spain, which seems so out of character and or maybe he trying to help her relieve her from the depression, so he clear does love her.

So in summary she feels love towards me yet she is constrained from expressing it due to the reluctance of damaging her marriage or maybe she feels a greater love toward her man. If latter was the case then she could easily let me walk away yet she insists on my presence in her life. Yet providing that care for her means that I will be wasting my time, my emotions and ultimately my life for a person who cannot truly appreciate my love. So what should I do? Should I persevere and provide myself and another with more fulfilled love, or should I walk away and let her deal with her own circumstances?

[pcmaster]

Well this is usual story where girl is emotionally cheating on her husband with guy from workplace. And of course she tells how bad is her husband to get empathy. Mate you are not the first one in this situation. If really her husband were so bad then she would dump him. But she don't tell about good moments they have so you stay pretty much blindfolded and believe and see only what she want you to see. I suggest you walk away from this lady and find someone who is not taken. And don't cheat emotionally on their partner.

Easy to say but you seem to have high standards and respect against other people relationships so think you will have a strength to walk away and be happy doing so. You are wasting time here. Good that you don't sleep with her because usually they just have fun and then go back to their married partners. You are risking fall in love if you keep going on like this. Stop wasting your time man.

[Wakeup]

She's playing you like the fiddle you are. Why are you continuing to be this girls chump? I was embarrassed for you reading how she strings you along while keeping the man she chose to marry. You loose everything... they keep everything plus what you provide.

[michelle23]

First of all, all you know about him and their marriage is what she has told you. You are an outsider and cannot even begin to understand what goes on between them behind closed doors so you have no right to judge him or assume anything.

your relationship with her is based on secrecy, lies, fantasy and delusion.. if you were to marry her now, you would be divorced within 6 months. You have not been on a real date, not courted each other like normal couples, lived together or experienced even one day in reality together. She is not getting some need met at him and instead of trying to fix it, she uses you as a distraction, emotional support and an ego boost. Shes very much using you. And how do you know that if your relationship hits a rough patch at some point, she wont go and do the same thing to you??

You should stop being a barrier between her and him and respect their marriage (even if she doesn't). You are having an affair and you need to tell her, she either fixes it with him or leaves him for you but she cannot have both. Tell her your done with this and mean it. You are creating problems between him and her by being in her life because when she is pissed with him, she will compare him to you bit shes only seeing you through rose tinted glasses. Seeing what she wants to see

btw if shes never orgasmed with him that is likely her fault for not being more assertive and demanding and telling him what she wants. He cannot read her mind