Should I stay or should I go?

[Dixie_pixie]

Hi everyone

I have been with my partner for nearly 10 years and married for 3 of those years. We have always had a very up and down relationship with lots of arguing and disagreements.

2 years ago we moved back to his hometown. I had to quit my stable, well paid job, leave behind my friends, my lifestyle, my colleagues and moved to a plae where I have no family, I have had to make new friends, and I have had huge issues trying to secure work. This is my 8th job since we have moved. I haven't seen my family since I moved because we are in a regional town where it is difficult and expensive for me to travel.

My husband has been very happy since we moved because he has his family, his childhood friends, he has taken up football and has a stable job. However, alot of his spare time has been taken up by his hobbies and he doesn't spend quality time with me. He rarely takes me on dates and considers couple time to be eating our dinner in front of the TV. We have had many arguements about this and I have told him how much it hurts my feelings for him to be out with his friends all the time. He doesn't seem to care and seems to be more concerned about upsetting them than me.

We have had some horrible fights where he has said some incredibly hurtful things, like that I pushed him into getting married, that I am in a negative cycle with jobs, that I make bad decisions (I have been fired twice since we moved and I have never been fired before). We also have a terrible sex life - we can go almost 2 months without having sex and when we do it is boring, unpassionate and not enjoyable. I have asked him for YEARS to see a doctor to have his testosterone checked, and he has only done this in the last month. He went and saw a Naturopath which was expensive, and then he said "well YOU were the one who wanted me to get it sorted".

I finally had enough and told him I wanted to see a marriage counsellor. He came (reluctantly) and I felt like the counsellor let him dominate the conversation. We are booked in again for a couple of weeks. When we came home from the counsellor, we didn't fight but just didn't talk much. We had sex that night (I guess because it was an emotional day for us both) and then right before we went to sleep he said that he isn't sure if he wants to have kids.

I asked him about this and he said that he doesn't feel like WE are ready or that WE have enough money and that HE is trying to make the decision best for US. When I told him that he has no right to make that decision for me, he told me that I don't understand.

Since the counselling he has been very sweet and loving towards me (still no sex though) and gave me a very thoughtful present for Christmas. I was a bit upset because a friend of ours announced her pregnancy today (she has been with her boyfriend less than a year) and it hurts me to think that may never be us. I had been considering leaving for a few weeks and I have been told that there may be a job available close to where I used to live.I know he wouldn't move but I am just scared that if I stay with him that we won't have kids and I will eventually resent him for it and may miss that opportunity with someone else. But, I know he loves me and I will break his heart if I leave. The problem is that I do love him very much but I am just worried that I am risking my future happiness if I stay with him.

Any advice? I am so confused and so lost!

[smackie9]

Why are you wanting to get pregnant with a man that doesn't have time for your relationship, is dragging his heels, been having an up and down relationship with lots of arguing, and disagreements and you are unhappy leaving your "well paying" job, family and life behind. You are crazy. If you think by having kids is going to make this marriage better you have another thing coming. It's going to turn into a sh it show. Isn't it obvious there is no way now he is going to touch you now that you want kids? So what if he's being sweet and bought you a nice gift....it's all a bloody smoke screen to pacify you. love will not help you. You need to seek out counseling for yourself so you can sort it out in your head, weigh out the pros and cons before you make a clear decision.

IMO I wouldn't waste my time with him, but that is just my perspective.....follow your instincts.