2 years of being the other woman...i need your advice

[bossybabe84]

Hello Everyone!
I am getting over a horrible break up and I just need some advice from men (or women). I’m going to try to make this as short as possible. LOL

So I met this guy who was a year younger than me (I’m 30 and he is 29). I know that is not a huge difference, however I am used to dating older guys and sometimes a year apart can make a difference. When I met this guy in 12/12, I was not looking for a relationship and I was really just focusing on work and school. Well…..he changed my mind about things. He told me he had fell in love with me and at first, I was taken back because I didn’t take him seriously. I eventually fell in love with him too and we constantly talked all day, nonstop, every day. He always came to see me at least 2-3 times a week until he got another job, then I started seeing him once every other week. I was very understanding because his new job had him working a lot of overtime and I was working 12 hour days myself because I just received a promotion. I did have my doubts that he was messing around with someone else, but I thought I was just being paranoid because of my previous relationship.

Everything wasn’t always great with us and we had our ups and downs. He always told me he loved me and he brought up the idea of meeting my parents. So….I set it up and my parents adored him. Almost 2 years in and I was very satisfied with him. Our sex was amazing and I couldn’t see myself without him. My dream soon became a nightmare when I found out he was not only living with someone, but he had two kids with the person too. For some reason I wasn’t surprised, but I was livid. I sent screenshots of the two of them together to his phone and I asked him why he lied to me. Why did he play with my feelings like this? He never texted me back. He never once responded. So I took it upon myself to speak to the woman he was living with. She didn’t seem too upset. He of course told her that I was lying about our relationship, but I sent her over 15,000 text messages between us that proved I was telling the truth. She thanked me for telling her and she even said that I could have him LOL…. I told her no, I just wanted my key to my house back.

It’s been a week since the incident happened. I have not received one text or call from him to explain the situation. After two years of I love you’s, dinners with my parents, plans of marriage and having babies, you treat me like this? Was I truly just the other woman and if so, why go through all that trouble? The questions keep going through my mind and I am so tired of thinking about the what if’s. I know I will never hear from him again, but I just can’t believe this happened to me.

[CrasherRob8]

What makes you think he would explain the situation to you after what happened? You found out what he was up to, and not only called him out on it but then told the woman he has kids with. That effectively ruined not only your relationship with him but his relationship with the woman of his children. I'm not surprised he hasn't texted you because he probably wants nothing to do with you. He could also be focusing on fixing his relationship with the woman he has kids with.

Granted I never have been in his shoes, nor will I ever be, but I certainly would not want anything to do with you ever again.

[smackie9]

Like he's going to apologize, and console you so you could have closure.....ya right. He's selfish, a cheat and a coward. Why expect him to be any kind of human being?

You dated for 2 years.....you never went to his place? Did you not find it odd he couldn't spend the holidays with you? Didn't you realize that you couldn't just call him any time of the day or night? And that he only texted, but couldn't call, or only could call specific times, and always called when he was at work? You ever meet his friends? family? mom and dad?

[Wakeup]

Like he's going to apologize, and console you so you could have closure.....ya right. He's selfish, a cheat and a coward. Why expect him to be any kind of human being?

You dated for 2 years.....you never went to his place? Did you not find it odd he couldn't spend the holidays with you? Didn't you realize that you couldn't just call him any time of the day or night? And that he only texted, but couldn't call, or only could call specific times, and always called when he was at work? You ever meet his friends? family? mom and dad?

Yes, Op. Please do tell us what red flags you ignored and by doing so, educate the other men and women out there that figure "for some reason they aren't surprised" when they finally discover tangible proof of what their gut was telling them all along.

Forgive yourself for ignoring your own gut to carry on with him. If you do that, you'll get over him all that much quicker. And... pay attention to CrasherRob's take on this... he's giving you one man's point of view as if he were the cheater. Do you really think someone you ratted out and likely will now go psycho bitch on his ass is going to call you up and say "how ya doin, babe?"

[bossybabe84]

Both of you guys are absolutely right. I been living in a fantasy world for the past two years and what you both have said have made me come back to reality. Thank you for your response.

[bossybabe84]

***UPDATE***

He did call me....yes...three weeks later. He apologized....and I do have some type of closure now.

[smackie9]

***UPDATE***

He did call me....yes...three weeks later. He apologized....and I do have some type of closure now.

Thank you for the update. I hope you are doing well.