Need serious advice! (long) PLEASE

[wezol]

:long post:-But please, I need the advice....


Alright, me and my girlfriend (or girl I'm dating, she wont make up her mind and switches back and forth) are having some issues.
Some history: (if you want you can skip down to the next paragraph)
To start off, we started dating at the beginning of the summer and she said that she didn't know what she wanted. I was fine with that and just told her to try and figure it out and when she does let me know. We dated for about 3 weeks before SHE asked ME to be her boyfriend. I was estatic. Well a week later she changed her mind, wanted to go back to dating. We didn't talk for a few days than I got over it and we started dating agian. 2 months or so later we fell in love with eachother, hard. We were inseperable, litterally. We didn't go a day without seeing eachother somehow or another. We loved it, it was good. She would call me up just to tell me she loved me and to ask how my day was, stuff like that. Well then the time came, I had to move for college last saturday(90 miles away). So theres the short version of our history...

Fast forward to 2 days ago:
I came here alone with no one from my school, so I really haven't had any time to meet people so far. Been here for 3 class days. So I'm away from my family, I'm away from her, and all my friends. I'll admit, it's hard. The time I would really look forward to is hearing her voice and hearing that she loves me...like anyone would from their S/O.
Sometime a few days ago I was on the phone but told her to let me call her back. She asked why and asked if I was going tomake out with other girls and stuff. I said no, then she said that she wouldn't be mad...WHAT? She used to get mad when I just looked at other girls and stuff like that. Now a sudden change of heart? She also asked if I was going to see other girls, cause she would be okay with that too...WHAT THE HELL? That pissed me off, cause of her sudden change of heart on that issue. It didn't piss me off that I'm aloud to see other girls, it pissed me off cause I think shes just trying to justify her OWN actions and not telling me. Am I right?
She gets out of school at 2:30 and usually gets home at 3:00. She told me she would call me when she got home. 2 days ago she didn't even go home, she hung out with a bunch of guys until she had to go to work and had one of them take her to work. She then called me from there. I was pretty mad. I said that if I had told her that I would call her when I got home but I wasn't going to be home at the time I thought, I would of called her from where ever I was to let her know, out of COURTESY. She got mad in return for some odd reason I don't know.
So yesterday, she calls me at about 3:45 from some dudes phone. I was in ROTC class so I couldn't answer. She left this message-"Hey just calling to check in or whatever the hell you want to call it, don't call this number back".
That pissed me off. Was I right to get pissed? Her voice was full of sarcasm too. Well my S/O has BPd (Borderline Personality Disorder) and gets these attacks sometimes, and blacks them out. She's really not even approachable when she is having one, but I've always been there to help her through them. Well since I'm gone, I told her that if she ever NEEDED me to come home to help her that I'm just a phone call away and I would do it no matter the time.
So yesterday she called agian but from her work and left me another very sarcastic message basically rubbing what I had told her in my face (about comming home if its an emergency), and mocking me. So I called her work and said that when she's ready to stop being a smartass then talk to me and hung up. She called back and we said some stuff but then she said something that really pissed me off. She said-"Well then maybe you shouldn't talk to me when I'm infront of people I might not want talk like that to you infront of"
Roughly translated-I'm with some guys and don't want to seem taken.
We got into it pretty bad last night online. She said that I demanded so much of her...what? When she asked what I wanted from her all I said is to hear her voice and an I love you to help me through the day. Apparently thats too much? So then she told me that I put sooo much of my happiness into her, which isn't all true. I don't see a problem with putting alot of your happiness into the one you love. But it's the other way around, she's told me that I'm the only good thing in her life and so on and so forth. So I got pissed agian and just said-"Fine, lets see how happy you are without me" She later online said that she doesn't even know why we're fighting and that "you know we'll be fine"

I'm sorry for the length, but there is alot going into this and how it should be handled. I love her with all my heart and I do know that she loves me even more, just is doing a very shitty job at showing it over the last couple of days and it's just not adding up to me.

What do you think? Should I end it? Was I right to get mad?

[wezol]

Anybody? please....

[thepinkrockstar]

Hm. Lets look at it from the perspective of her not having BPD. This kind of behaviour would have made you end this kind of relationship already, or at least I'd hope so. It doesn't seem as though your asking much from her. And you've tried to talk to her about the things that are upsetting you, but had nothing but bad things in response. How much more do you want to take of this?

I don't know if she's had any kind of treatment for her problem, but it might be a good idea to consider trying to get her some (more).

At the end of the day, you can be there for her. But if she's going to drag you through the dirt like this (whether its entirely her fault or not), you must know when to draw the line. I'd personally suggest you end it until you can sort it out. Or at least show how how serious this is, and that it might not "be fine".

[shh!]

Summarize, please. No offense.

[wezol]

Do you want me to summarize everything into a smaller piece to read? Thats about as short as I could make it and still include everything that is making me think of ending it, and my rationale behind it.

Basically her whole attitude has changed in the short time I've been gone (not even a week yet). She doesn't show the love that she used to before I left. Hell she even showed it up until she left (she came down here with me to help move me in and stayed the first night). But after that its gone downhill.

[Lloyd95]

Alright, I admit, I just skimmed that. But if you're oing into college, the best 4 years of your life are right in front of you. You are going to meet a bunch of new people etc. Why don't you two take a break, if things are meant to be, you guys will get back together over the breaks and holidays.

[wezol]

I know that I'm going to meet alot of people here and stuff. And I know the RIGHT thing to do right now is for us to date other people. But the honest to god thought of her with another guy makes me sick to my stomach. I wouldn't know how to deal with it.

[Lloyd95]

I hear you, but by Halloween, you'll all but forgotten her, promise on that.

[shh!]

It only hurts for a while, and eventually you move on. It happens to almost everyone at least once, usually around your same age. Just invest yourself in your college experience.

[wezol]

Thanks, I know it just takes time, and I know I'll get over it eventually if I end it. But I haven't really even ended it yet. I was looking for advice on my situation. Does the stuff that she did justify ending it? Do you think that she is seeing someone else now? Everything inside says that something is going on that she isn't telling me.

[Lloyd95]

She might not necessarily being seeing someone in particular, but she might be injoying a little new found freedom.

[shh!]

I am not going to tell you whether or not you should dump your girlfriend over her behavior (that is for you to decide, and honestly, I only read your summary) but if you are suspicious about something, there is usually a good reason, assuming you are not psycho or the jealous-type. I always trust my instincts.

What I WILL tell you is that is you are heading off to college, you are entering a new phase in your life. It is nice to make new beginnings without excess baggage. If you aren't getting more joy than grief out of this relationship, you might ask yourself if you really want the drama at this point.

She might be happy having a break for now, too.

[Lloyd95]

When I went thru 4 years of college, I knew lots of guys and girls that had entered into college with a high school sweetheart. You know how many lasted? Exactly, zero. That's the truth, such is life.

[wezol]

Hmm lol. Well on my way to class she called and told me that "your not aloud to go to Tarleton anymore" I asked why she wasn't in school and she said that she didnt feel good. Said that she left after 1st period. THEN she said that she didnt get home till after D lunch (about 1240). I asked where she went b/t 1st period and D lunch and she said Kenney's. Kenny is a kid who is trying to get her to drink and smoke with him. So I hung up on her. She called back and said that all she did over there is smoke a few cigarettes to calm down before she went home to face her mom. She said she layed onthe couch and he sat in a chair they watched a movie. I dunno...dammit this is hard, it hurts.

[Tone]

Kenny... that name will always stir up anger in me.

>:|