Dating post divorce?

[cihcpls]

How long did you wait to seriously date after divorce?

I recently met someone online and went out on a few dates. He told me early on that he was recently divorced (less than a yr). We went on 6-7 dates before the holidays and then I went out of town for the holiday. During that time we stayed in constant contact and talked/text. We planned on getting together when I returned and he was eager to see me. We met up a couple days after I got home, had a fun night, and as he dropped me off I bring up getting together again that weekend. He then proceeds to tell me that he thinks he needs space, needs to figure himself out alone before jumping into another relationship, and that he hasn't really dated anyone past 2 dates since his divorce. He said that he really liked me and that I'd be someone he could see having a relationship with, but that he wasn't ready for an every day kind of girlfriend. He wants to stay in touch and said he wouldn't be against hanging out. I said I understood and acknowledged that he'd been through a lot of changes (divorce, relocation, etc). However, I don't know how to proceed with this. He still communicates via text here and there about random things during the day. No mention of seeing each other and definitely not at the frequency as before. I'm afraid to initiate communication first because I don't want him to think I didn't get the message and I'm a clinger. I feel like if he wants space, I really shouldn't initiate any plans with him, but I also don't want him to think that I am not interested either, because I actually am very interested and was a bit crushed that it all hit the breaks.

Anyone have any advice?

[TablesandChairs]

You need to put your big girl pants on and move on. Yes, he may be a great guy but he's laid it out for you: he's not ready to settle down again. He probably wants to date around and not commit to anything. Sure, he has some crap to work through perhaps - but that's not your problem. You're single, you're (I assume) wanting to meet the right person to potentially settle down with and most of all, you're probably not wanting to date someone who has just come out of a long-term relationship/marriage and wants to be 'free' and experience all the flavours he couldn't sample whilst married. So, let him do his thing and you do yours.

[wineman77]

Be thankful he shared his reluctance upfront and didn't lead you on. I was with someone for 7 months and let my guard down before she decided to tell me it was too much too soon. I get it, we got together only months after moving away to escape an abusive relationship, but she should have been more open about her needs and boundaries.

[TheEvilJester]

Yeah, from what you've shared he sounds like a pretty decent guy. I mean, unless of course there is more to the story. Still, he was upfront with you pretty much right away rather than leading you on. Divorce is different for everybody. In my case, my relationship was so bad for me for so long. I tried to make it work because I am a man who takes his commitments seriously. But, I was disrespected and unappreciated in the relationship for so long it finally got to be too much.

So, for me, I almost immediately felt like a new man. Like the phoenix rising from the ashes to conquer the world. Heck, I felt ready to try again pretty quickly. Even so, though, I still took some time to just be happy with myself. I'd been miserable for so long that it felt so amazing be allowed to be happy again. I wanted to just enjoy that. So, it was a little while before I jumped into dating. That hasn't really gone well thus far, but that's the story of my life. Still, even in my darkest times lately, I still can't help but think back to that relationship and smile at how I am SO much better off. I could die alone, never having another relationship, and I'd still be a million times happier than I was stuck in that relationship.

Wait... sorry. Got off on a bit of a tangent there. LOL! My point being, it is different for everybody. Some guys may be ready pretty quickly, others may take a while to get over stuff. Not to mention, he just got out of a divorce. He may want to take it slow before jumping into another relationship. He may be concerned he'd otherwise just make the same mistakes again. So, that is very wise of him.

So, what should you do? Here's my thoughts....

I would say you should move on. Date other guys if the opportunity arises and forget about dating him. HOWEVER, I also wouldn't say write him off completely. He was a good enough guy to be honest with you up front. If, in time, you find yourself still single and he happens to reach back out at that point wanting to give you two a more serious try, why not give him a chance? I would just say do not wait around hoping that will happen. Try to find other guys, and if in time you and he are drawn back together, great. If not, then at least that way you didn't waste your time waiting around for something that may never happen.

Good luck!