New Girl - No Sex..

[big-something]

Hi, I am a virgin at seeking relationship guidance so wording this will be tough, but I shall give it my best shot and hope you guys can help me!!

Right so there's this girl which I have adored and wanted for several years now. She was in a relationship for a while but we recently hooked up and to cut a long story short are now crazy about one another.

However, we haven't had sex yet.. It has been about a month since we've been together.. Although not seeing each other everyday and stuff we've still spent about 5-7 nights together..

I'm not in a rush or anything.. Tt's just that when I'm with her, I don't feel like I wanna jump on her and have sex with her lol. To be honest I cannot (sometimes) even get a hard-on with her.. Even when I'm kissing and rubbing her up.. But I know I reaally like, if not love her already.

With other girls (the one-night-stands), I have no problem 'jumping on'..

What's my problem and what can I do to resolve it???

Thanks so much..

Regards,
Nathan
Age: 19

[gHEXjt]

I don't know what to tell you man. When I'm first dating someone I'm usually busting through my pants at all times. I don't know if you masturbate a lot or not. But if you do, why don't you stop cold. That way you'll be popping wood all the time no matter what you're doing. Also, you could be putting pressure on yourself. At one point in a relationship I was in I started having trouble getting it up, and I'm not going to lie, I'm usually hard about 60% of the time anyway, so it was pretty weird. She thought I was getting bored, which wasn't the case at all, but then I started worrying about it, and the problem just got worse. Eventually I went back to normal though. Just try not to think about it and see what happens.

[big-something]

Your first tip about masturbating - I don't do it tat often. I did do it, once a week, maybe two or max three times a week.. Before I started seeing this girl. Since the last month I haven't masturbated.. Not that i can remember.

Your second tip may be the answer... But how do I go about de-pressurizing the situation? I mean, she wants it aswell.. And I don't know what to tell her... She's like.. "Don't you want to have sex?".. I think I could relieve the pressure from me.. But how do I do that to her? She wants it just as much as I do..?

Thanks again - You said what I was half thinking, but couldn't word!

[gHEXjt]

There's really no answer to that pressure problem that I can think of. For me it just sort of happened. I was having the problem for about a month I'd say, and then one time I just didn't think about it at all and everything was fine. You've really just got to come up with a mindset that will allow you to just go with the flow. There's no simple answer. Or if there is one, I'd love to hear it. Why don't you try doing something spontaneous, like fingering her in the car while your driving, or just starting something at the weirdest possible time and in a strange place. Things like that used to really get me going even more than usual because it adds some extra excitement to it.

Maybe you should just talk about it with her. If she wants it too and knows you can't get it up, chances are she's blaming it on herself, even if she hasn't told you that. But hopefully this is something you'll be able to work out, cause I remember how frustrating it was and it bugged the hell out of both of us. I actually felt worse for her than I did for me cause she really thought it was her fault, somehow.

Do you literally never get it up when you're with her, or do you just go soft when something is really close to happening?

[big-something]

I can get it up with her.. Just not that throbbing, pulsating feel that you get when you're with a girl and you just wanna lift her ontop of you and put it inside... I don't get that with her. I have once or twice but she wasn't ready then.. So I couldn't do anything about it.

She won't give me head and I am scared to let her start playing with it, incase I really can't get it up at all.. That would be catastrophic and could potentially kill the relationship I think.

I have never had this problem before and it's really depressing to be honest lol.

[gHEXjt]

Well then next time you get that throbbing feeling, just go for it. Maybe doing it once will take care of any fears you have.

[Ellynn]

Yup, I think your just nervous....

[Late_vamp]

ya , probably , i agree with Ellynn . next time your making out , dont "think" just go with the flow and stop worrying so much .

when things start getting hot and heavy , instead of her asking to have sex , just pick her up , take her to the closest place (like ex; car , room with a bed , couch) depending on where you are and dont 'ask' to have sex ..." Ummm , can i have sex with you now ? ) just go for it , but dont go straight either down her pants you trying to stick it in her , be cool about it and use your hands and mouth all over her body , this will probably turn you on and her specially . dont worry about what she's thinking soo much and i suggest while your doing this , forget about your head and let your DICKhead do the thinking .

btw ..once your ''problem'' stops , then start using your brains , until then first things firsts , get it UP . whats better ... to be able to get it up and be a little more careless for the first time (wich is understandable) or being embarassed and not being able to perform when the time is due (wich is most probably gonna change her point of view torwards you in a bad way) .?

[big-something]

Okay, so its decided. Do not think of having sex with her... Just let the flow dictate the actions. I'll try my best and report back . Thanks guys.. Hopefully this problem won't last for too much longer .

[Tone]

Eat her out.

[lovestruck]

maybe your gay?? -just kidding ..
have her wear something sexy or have her do a little dance for you..
try to eat something spicy..

[carpflounder]

With other girls (the one-night-stands), I have no problem 'jumping on'..

You said that your a virgin. How could you have done this with other girls if your a virgin?

Sex is psycological. When I first started I was nervous and I would lose my erection a lot. Usually it was some piddly thought I was tripping over like :"Am I pleasing her," "am I big enough" etc. My doctor told me that a 17 year old male could not be impotent, that it just isn't possible. He said the reason I was losing it was psycological and not physical because I didn't have a problem getting it up, sometimes just keeping it up. After while I noticed that it was I wasn't losing it at all.

Just take it easy and dont trip.

[Late_vamp]

i would advise against the spicy food , you wouldnt want to fart, maybe even get the runs during your first time now would ya ?

[lovestruck]

i would advise against the spicy food , you wouldnt want to fart, maybe even get the runs during your first time now would ya ?

yeah.. you have a point.. but i guess if you did fart you wouldn't be able to tell if it was a fart or if it was the slapping sound sex makes when your going really fast... unless it starts to smell.

[gHEXjt]

Don't do the spicy food. Once your far into the relationship farting during sex is no big deal. But early on, you DON'T want that to happen.

I remember this one time with my last gf, she was giving me head and I let out a blast after we had gone out for italian beef and tamales, and my god, it was foul. I let it loose practically right in her face, and was in tears I was laughing so hard. But she got her revenge. There were numerous times that she ripped ass while I was going down on her. And it was nothing more than cause for us to share a good laugh.