Totally Smitten, Super Confused?

[PoSix.23]

Hi! Alright, I am looking for some super honest advice. I have never been in a relationship before. I have had a grand total of 3 very short lived flings, that each ended with me finding out that the guy had a girlfriend. I have never been lucky in the love department. But then I started taking a six week class and I met this guy there. I have told myself that if I am patient enough I will find the guy for me, and I met this guy and after getting to know him was like, "Yes. He's amazing."

So one day after class we went out for lunch and hung out for a few hours before my shift and it seemed like we totally clicked. Two weeks later we went for lunch again (he paid) and hung out again for a few hours before my work shift. We grabbed some ice cream before I had to go and were sitting really close, legs touching, comparing hand size... that kind of close. We exchanged numbers before parting ways and continued with texting every day for the next week, asking each other silly questions like what's your fave color, flavor candy, movie, and so on. He told me I was pretty and that he liked my perfume, and would tell me numerous times that he would rather hang out with me than be at home or at work. We planned for a movie night the next weekend after our final class, but I had a family member pass away the day before so I had to go out of town for the weekend. We kept talking, and on the day of the funeral he checked in with me to make sure I was ok. I got back and we had a movie night at my house, he gave me a back massage and we ended up laying on the couch, cuddling for the whole two hour movie. After the movie we ended up kissing and things got heated, and I get really nervous when things start going too far so I kind of froze and asked how far we wanted to go, and he told me as far as I wanted so we ended up kind of leaving things there (basically got to shirts off). It was late and he had a far way to drive to get home, so he kissed me good night and left. That was when I figured that I had fallen hard for him, I've never felt so confident and sexy and cared for in my life, he was super gentle and let me stop where I felt comfortable with us stopping.

After that, I saw him once when I popped into his work to bring him a snack and the texting dwindled down to me texting him (he normally would text first) about three times a week to twice a week and now we haven't talked since last week. I tried to not be clingy over the holidays and be like, "When are we hanging out next?", just being polite and asking how his days are going and how's work, it's just the way we text has lost some of that lightness that was there before our movie night. My mind is going a million miles a minute. We started hanging out before the holidays so I get that he had been busy with relatives and friends visiting from out of town, but we're halfway through the month and he hasn't asked me to hang out yet. When we text it's still friendly, but we haven't talked about that night yet and I don't know if I should ask him if I made him uncomfortable asking him to stop (he's really Christian, maybe he thought he pushed me and made me uncomfortable?). Or maybe he thinks that I was turned off by his forwardness? Even though that's ridiculous because I let him keep kissing me and touching me (nowhere below the belt though, and after he told me he wouldn't push me too far) until we decided he should start heading back home. I know that his ex who he is still friends with was in town over the holidays, maybe that's had an effect on why he's been so distant?

I just feel like if I could just see him again I could get a feel for the energy between us and see if things are just as at ease as they were before the holidays. How can I ask him without seeming to desperate to see him? I asked him last week how he'd feel doing something fun and active with me, none of my girlfriends are into active stuff but he is, and he said he would have to check out his schedule/bank account, and he told me how much what I had in mind would cost I was like, "Yep, put it on the back burner til we both have some more money," and he said that sounds good, and then I had a night open up over the weekend and asked if he was free but he ended up being really busy and I just told him yep, no prob, but I haven't talked to him since then. In between those convos though, I asked him how he was one night and he told me that work had cut his hours and he was really frustrated, and we texted back and forth about that until about 1am, when normally we sign off around midnight. Would it be safe to see if he wanted to do something in his free time, to get out and have some fun? Should I tell him that I've never had this kind of friendship with someone that has turned into something more and I don't know what I'm doing or supposed to be doing and I keep feeling like and idiot? I like him so much, I just don't want to keep waiting and have him slip away but I just don't know how exactly to ask him to hang so I can see if we still have that easy going relationship. Does it seem like I've been doing anything wrong? Ugh someone please just help me figure this out! I don't know what to do!

[Wakeup]

My guess is that he was hoping to get lucky and when it didn't happen, he's backed off. (good for you for not giving into that when you don't even know him enough to know if he's single or he's back with his ex.)

You've asked him to do something with you that is outside of your's or his home and he's made an excuse. Ask him one more time and YOU be prepared to pay for whatever it is you do (make it something inexpensive) and invite him out one more time saying its "your treat." If he makes another excuse then just don't contact him anymore. He's either involved with another girl or he's not that interested in you to do anything more then have sex/sexual time with you.

Let us know how it goes.

[woody]

Yes, being new to courting can be daunting but by the sounds of it, you've done nothing wrong. You didn't let him go all the way with you off the get go (good), you've continued the odd text without over doing it, you've put the ball back in his court and now you need to prepare (but not fret) for whatever happens next.
But I must say, if there is an ex lingering on, you must break that pattern you've already found yourself in and not allow it to continue.
Your first three connections with guys were with guys who played you. This is not a good foundation and you must not allow yourself to get trapped into these type of patterns. Break it.

I get that you like this fella. When you two are hanging out, it feels good, natural. So sit back, get on with your life, play a 'little' hard to get without playing games, (just protect yourself). He'll either earn it or he won't.

Whatever you do, don't banter him with multiple texts. Be proud and confident and live your life. If/when he contacts you, tell him you want to hang out and can go do something for free. Mountain bike, hike, rock climb( though you need gear) , lots of options though..

Keep your bar high and you'll find out allot more about him. Hey, if he is a player and you didn't let him go all the way, maybe he knows your not easy and would have to put effort in, hence the slight new distance. Maybe he's smitten with you and is grappling with his own set of insecurities and /or new feeling and doesn't quite know what to do himself.

Either way, consider this. When it is a right fit, things will happen naturally and it will be good. Anything else is a learning curb, a cosmic screening device and you must listen, trust in your self and all you have to offer to the right guy. Don't sweat it. Everything will be alright

[fearoflove]

A bit of chemistry and your mind is going a million miles a minute? Calm your ovaries. You will not find a guy who will love you when you are so easily won over. A guy who likes a girl and wants to hang out with her will not be making " I have no money" excuse. I bet he is just using that to not hang out with you. Guys can feel it when girls are overly eager. You should not have let him have it that far this early. There should not be any passionate kissing, unbuttoning of shirts this early unless you are looking to just get laid. You've made a bad impression. I say, forget about this one and learn from your mistakes. Also, sometimes, you just can't control how the other person feels about you. Don't text him or initiate contact. But talk to him (but not overly eager) if he contacts you.

[woody]

There are always variables. Always. I first saw my sweetheart in Winter. Two months later, we started courting. Two weeks into Courtship I ripped him apart and he me. nuff said. and oh yeah, we went alllll the waaaay home.

^o.p you got good advice above but nothing is the be all end all okay? You figure this out. but yes, you make them earn it, don't give it away but again I say, lots of variables.

[Wakeup]

Young men who have no money will indeed make the "I have no money excuse" if who they are wanting is a materialistic twat. If they don't say they have no money when they have no money then they are posers who will get themselves (and you if you marry them) into financial difficulty just to keep their "princess" in whatever it is she is demanding.

I agree that he's not that interested but I do not agree with much else that was mentioned in post [URL=https://www.loveforum.net/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=4]#4[/URL] ... I suggest you don't either, Op. Kissing passionately is a good way to show a guy you are into him as more then a platonic friend. You didn't go all the way and that is a good thing... Just keep your top on next time so that he doesn't view you as a cock-tease when you go too far only to put on the brakes.

I think the odds are higher that he was just looking for sex and didn't get it (someone like that you should be glad aren't calling again) then you making a bad impression.

[drleo]

get over him he just wanted sex from you that's all and all the advise you have a above is real good