Sex is now a source of stress for me. pls help.

[Suzan]

Hi I'm 21. Me & my boyfriend (22) have been together for over a year now. We started having sex at the very beginning of our relationship.

I'm one of these women who needs clitoral stimulation in order to orgasm. It has always been like that. So I use a vibrator.

But after a while we started discussing, actually even fighting a lot about it.

When having spontaneous sex, I don't have my vibrator in sight so I don't use it. We have sex. He orgasms. I don't of course (I need longer to orgasm without the toy & he doesn't last that long). Then when he's finished, I masturbate while he kisses me everywhere. That's how we were having sex for a while & it started to annoy us, mostly me, because it didn't feel like we were doin somethin together. Like he cums, then he gets distracted for a short time, looks at the tv THEN "helps" me masturbate but it feels so unnatural.

Using the vibrator started to annoy us too, because we can't be spontaneous because of that.

During all of our discussions I heard him saying things like:

it's not normal that you can't orgasm without vibrator. Every other girl orgasms so easily.

Were you honestly a virgin when we first had sex? (no idea what that should mean! & yes I was)

Maybe you masturbated too much in your life, thats why you can't orgasm.

Are you into girls?

... I told him not to blame it all on me. He apologized.

But recently I can't even orgasm during intercourse plus using the toy.
Like, as soon as he's done & I start playing on myself, I orgasm. & it makes him feel bad, because it seems like he cant please me.

I feel like all the "problems" we tried to overcome in bed now even start to stress me out more then ever.

& his recent actions are not helping: for example:
He is in the shower & wants me to get in, to have some sexy time. In that moment I simply wasn't in the mood. We had a discussion about it for hours. He says I'm not spontaneous.

Another example: he says babe turn me on. Do somethin sexy to arouse me.
I felt like he was demanding, the moment was so not right. I told him right now I don't want to. BIIIIG DISCUSSION again, about how "I never do anything"

It really hurts because yes, I'm shy. Yes I'm a little perfectionist & being spontaneous isn't really my thing BUT I'm trying!
I stripped for him, did a lapdance on his bday. I talk a little naughty. I'm trying.

& because all of the above I feel more pressured than ever. He says he just wants to make this work. Make me orgasm, so that we can have Better sex but now everytime we do it, I actually don't want to, because I just feel stressed.
& the fact that now using my vibrator during intercourse actually leads to me putting it away in the middle of it, because I see it takes too long, he will cum soon & I won't, shows that we are not on the same level right now when it comes to sex.

What can I do to finally orgams again during intercourse? With or without vibrator? How do you do it?
What leads to a better sex life with my bf? I recently moved in to my own apartment & hear my neighbors having amazing sex in a regular basis. They are at my age. His girl literally screams because of the pleasure (I'm not a freak, they are just really loud). & I just wonder what is wrong with me.

Any serious comment would be much appreciated. Thanks everyone.

[Wakeup]

Stop using the toy and learn to make yourself come with just your fingers. Do this on your own without him around pressuring you and making you have "stage fright." NO man can duplicate what your vibrator is doing so give it a rest.

In the meantime get him working on you orally and TEACH HIM what will get you over the top. You have to know how to get yourself off with just your own hand/fingers before you can teach him how to get you off that way.

You might also get him to have intercourse with you in the missionary style where he rubs your clit with his pelvic bone and not just trusting away like he's learned from watching shitty porn.

Good luck... don't use that vibrator until you can get yourself off without it.

P.S. Don't let him put his pistol in you until you're almost coming through either your own hand or hopefully with his tongue/lips/fingers. Lots of foreplay is necessary... particularly when he's quick to draw.

[Suzan]

Thanks for your reply!
I'm gonna try it all out.
I just still feel a little insecure concerning foreplay.
I told him once that it should be a little longer because our foreplay was pretty much non existent.
We then once ended up having about 15 minutes foreplay & I still couldn't orgasm. I'm often close but it doesn't happen & the thing with oral:
Is it weird that I don't really find it pleasing? It actually tickles.. & when he uses his fingers & tries to find the "spot" it actually feels like I have to pee, not sexy at all.

Am I the only women on here that feels like that? I feel weird.

[lissa]

No, it's totally normal to not enjoy sex at your age. I swear, it took me like 3 years to get used to it and to understand what it took to make it feel good to me. I don't think his negative comments are helpful, but they probably come from a place of insecurity. But don't feel weird.

I agree, ditch the vibrator. Do you touch yourself WHILE you are doing it. Try that.

[Wakeup]

Thanks for your reply!
I'm gonna try it all out.
I just still feel a little insecure concerning foreplay.
I told him once that it should be a little longer because our foreplay was pretty much non existent.
We then once ended up having about 15 minutes foreplay & I still couldn't orgasm. I'm often close but it doesn't happen & the thing with oral:
Is it weird that I don't really find it pleasing? It actually tickles.. & when he uses his fingers & tries to find the "spot" it actually feels like I have to pee, not sexy at all.

Am I the only women on here that feels like that? I feel weird.

You have to figure out what will make you orgasm using your fingers. Then you can tell and show him how to do it so that he's hitting the right spot, with the right pressure and all the good stuff. It doesn't feel right when he does oral because it sounds very much like he has very little skill at it.

[Suzan]

Your messages are very helpful. I guess I just really had unrealistic expectations on how having sex should be. I really have to learn a lot.

I actually ditched the vibrator couple of days ago & I almost orgasmed, but my bf was quicker again. I told him that next time he won't put his penis inside me unless I am very close, so I'll be first. Good idea? Thats actually how I want it: I want to reach orgasm first because then we can also do this different positions that he wants to try out, positions that are not helping me to reach orgasm. Quite the opposite actually.


Do men usually let the woman orgasm first or is it the opposite?

[Wakeup]

Good lovers strive as their goal to let the woman orgasm first or even TOGETHER. Yes, you're going about it the right way by not letting him enter you until you're almost ready to pop. Keep up the good lover training. Before you know it he'll be getting you off in multiples ~ hopefully