How do I know when to give up? (Post may be long)

[lovehurts88]

My ex and I broke up in June of last year due to him being in the military and I was insecure but we were going to try for a relationship again when he got discharged for good. We ended on good terms, however we had problems. And I'm the one who created them. He simply asked for some space because he was going through a rough time with the army and his dad being very sick(eventually passed). I freaked out because I thought I was losing him. So I tried talking to him more, blowing up his phone with texts for months trying to talk about trying for a relationship when he got back. The more I texted him, the more he pulled away from me. After months of this, I finally calmed down with texting him but I did still text him a couple times a day..apologizing constantly and explaining myself. There were some days I told him off out of hurt and frustration. Other days I just wanted to know how he was because he went through a bad time. When I texted him over the next 4 months, he would ignore me almost completely. Sometimes he did reply though. I put us on a rollercoaster. Going back and forth.."I'll stay out of your life" and "I hope you don't kick me out of your life completely". Every day it was almost like this. I admit, I acted like a crazy person. And now..he said he was going through a lot at the time and the way I reacted was way too much. And said that he doesn't hate me, isn't mad at me, he forgives me but can't be in a relationship with me. This was just a few nights ago that he said this. Not that I blame him, but I'm heartbroken. He said he can't see me the way he use to after all that happened and was said. But if I ask him a question not related to our relationship or break up, he will answer. And when he switched numbers, he didn't tell me. But when I told him I needed someone to talk to cause I was depressed, he gave me his new number. I wonder why though, if he didn't want me to talk to him? Were not even friends. Just acquainted I guess. I asked him if there's a future with us. He said "I don't know. If anything were to happen in the future, I see it playing out in a similar way". But that's not true. I made an honest mistake. I bombarded him with texts hoping he would see how much I want him and don't want to lose him. I never thought twice that I was being clingy and smothered him. or that I was being disrespectful. after taking a look back on it, I realized I was selfish. I wasn't thinking about his wants and I should have. that's what I told him. And that I saw this situation differently then he did. But before he left to go back to base, it was amazing when we were together. We got along great and never bickered. I still miss him and care about him. Today I asked him if he would talk to me again sometime later within this year(cause I plan going no contact but didn't tell him that) and he said "No clue". He said he doesn't know what's going to happen in the future. I told him I refuse to give up and that I was sorry for the way I reacted and that if he had ever given me another chance, it wouldn't be like the past(not giving him space) but he also admitted he has trust issues cause of his past relationships and when he gave second chances in the past, he got hurt even more so he doesn't give chances anymore. I'm hurt over this though. I know I'm not going to make the same mistake or hurt him. I never hurt him. He just got sick of me and pushed him away(didnt know i was doing that at the time).I've been by his side the passed 7 months regardless how he feels(obviously nothing). I figured that would mean something. I've been trying so hard to just make friends with him. He doesn't even care for a friendship with me. I refuse to give up and I know that's what people are going to tell me to do. But all I want to know is, do you think he will eventually get in contact with me? I plan on going no contact for 6 months..and I know thats when I need to focus on myself and not worry about him. But I'm not going to lie, I guess I do have some hope that he will get a hold of me. Will he?

[basilandthyme]

How did this get turned around to be all your fault? Did he blame you and you let him, or did you blame yourself?

A person who is ready and able to have a relationship gets through life's blips without having to call a break. Sweetie, those of us who are in good relationships go through all sorts of life's messes with the one we care about by our side. We don't push them away! On the contrary, we are grateful to have them there with us.

Yes, blowing up someone's phone is embarrassing in hindsight. But frankly, you should not settle for a man who pushes you away when times get tough.

In future, if a guy wants a break - no matter what kind of sh!t is going on in his life - just end it. Recognise that he's showing you that he isn't going to be a reliable partner.

[Wakeup]

Op: You are obsessive and you don't handle a break up very well. Where is your self-respect? This man does not want you yet you bombard him with your neediness and he's an idiot for even answering you instead of just letting you get over yourself and him with no contact.

Get the therapy you need to help you to learn how to self-sooth and to realize when someone doesn't want to be with you that the best thing you can do for yourself is to stop trying to impose yourself in their life.

If he wanted you he would have you... your desperation would make it quite easy for him to "get you" so you should be thankful that he's decent and didn't just use you for sex and then discard you or keep you on the shelf while he has other women.

Desperation stinks and men can smell it a mile away so stay single and work on your confidence, your personal boundaries, your pride in self and let this guy do his job without having to worry about you and your crazy.

You're using No Contact in the WRONG way. No contact is to help you get over someone, not to make them want to get back with you. Use it the right way and REALLY don't think about him.

[woody]

Crappy position to be in there dear lady. Capital C Crappy. Sorry your going through this.
Is there another lady involved?
Sometimes people lack a certain something something to lend a hand to closure. If your confident there is no one else involved, it sounds like he's simply uncertain about a future with you. Not what you want to hear I'm sure and again, sorry; but when one gets strung along which you kind of are (and you put yourself there due to a big heart unwilling to let go) but if he lacks the balls to offer clear closure, it becomes up to you to draw the line and hold firm to it. To tell a man in multitude texts, bombarding him with things like, "I'll wait, I am here for you, this or that, over and over again", it can shake the foundation to crumbles to desperate measures.

If there is another lady (though how can you be sure) but if there is, you must accept the possibility that this man simply cannot tell you the truth; he may not want to hurt your feelings, save you from more hurt, the list can go on and on BUT the problem there is by NOT telling you the brute truth, he's hurting you more which is a shame indeed.

He changed his number. Says things like "I don't know the future" you must translate for your own good and recognize the possibility that there may be reasons for this that you won't like one single bit.
But rest in this next bit.
If he is not the man for you, you must stand up for what's left of your self respect and pride, tell him good luck growing a spine, you wish him well and m o v e on; for the longer you spend pining for mr. wrong, the less time you'll have with a mr.right.

You have spent too much time on the what if's already. You put yourself into a rough situation of heartache. You ask him for details which he cannot give so I say again, it is up to you. This is your life. Yours. You must do what is right and regain your self respect.

[milk&honey]

You have to learn to let go of him. He's not any good for you. Going full NC is the correct thing to do but you've got to stop hoping that he'll come back to you. Do you think you're able to let go of him?