sexless realtionship???

[danadarlin]

Hi guys my name's Dana I just got started here but I have a really confusing situation that I'd love some advice on. Guys and girls please give me your input.

(I'm 21, my boyfriend is 25) My boyfriend and I have been together more than 6 months but less than a year, and are fairly serious.. all but married might as well be. We have a house together, all our money goes to one budget etc etc. I've always heard this "guys just think about sex" but it is Jan 23rd and we haven't had sex since thanksgiving. Through no dismissal of my own, in fact I have tried so much to the point I just don't even mention sex any more and ...pardon my openness but just take care of it myself when he is at work...

We aren't fighting, he swears he is attracted to me, but it just never happens, we got in a fight a while back about how I made him feel "obligated" to have sex with me so he didn't...that he'd rather have sex when he "wants" to.. but I have not made a pass at all in a month and NOTHING!!

Honestly my feelings are hurt.. it seem like I just walk a way and cry myself to sleep. I can't say anything because god for bid he'd feel obligated but I don't know what to do any more. I don't want to spend the rest of my life in a sexless marriage but I know I love him, and vice versa.

I try to chock it up the the fact that for one, he has diabetes but to only be 25 that's a little excessive to not want sex at all... please someone give me some input I'm outta options.

Thanks guys.

[basilandthyme]

Hi Dana, unfortunately this isn't going to get any better until he finds the cause and does something about it. However, it sounds like he's too busy being offended to actually look at what may be causing it. I know you don't want to talk about it because of how he reacts, but you've given him ample time to address it and he's done nothing.

Causes of loss of libido are many and varied. Let's start with looking at what's normal for him. Has this been a problem in all his previous relationships? If not, what has changed since then? When you have had sex in the past, was he really into it...or was he just going through the motions?

As for what's going on now, the causes could be psychological or physiological. For example:

PSYCHOLOGICAL
performance anxiety
unsatisfied in the relationship
not attracted to your body type
stress
poor sleep
anxiety
depression

PHYSIOLOGICAL
side effect of meds
unfit
overweight
And there's a whole host of sexual issues related to diabetes [url=http://www.mydr.com.au/sexual-health/diabetes-and-sexual-health]Diabetes and sexual health - myDr.com.au[/url]

And these are just off the tip of my head. Next time you have this talk, tell him that you're not asking him to get into bed with you. Tell him that you're asking him to see a doctor and try to figure out the possible causes and cures.

If he refuses to see a doctor about it, you're really going to have to rethink the relationship. You may love him, but him refusing to address the problem only indicates his own selfishness and lack of awareness of your needs and desires. Unaddressed, this is only going to get worse - not better.