a working relationship

[lovesickkansas]

First off, Love is such an amazing word, feeling... but also so crazy. So about my situation. I work with a woman, no, the woman of my dreams. We have worked closely together for about 18 months now. She is my employer. We have always had a great relationship. When I came along, her business was struggling, and she was about to call it quits. I came in, lifted her up, and together we have become an amazing team, and have done so well we have received numerous awards from the company we represent. We are both married, her second marriage, my first. I have three children, she has two, and one step son. For some stupid reason, I asked her to go shoot pool with me the weekend before last. We had been out prior, but always with spouses and in group settings. This time, it was going to be just us. But, she ended up bringing her husband, which I initially didnt think much aboutc because I just wanted to hang out with her, and if he was there, whatever.

So, fast forward into the evening. Being out with her, and seeing her outside our office, spending that time with her... All the thoughts, feelings, just everything hit me. It was like a brick wall, I all of a sudden knew I loved her... I didn't know what to do. She could tell something was wrong, because I was acting different. She pressed me, and pressed to know what was wrong. Finally, after a great while, I pulled her aside and told her what I just realized. It felt so good to get it out, and she just sat there listening. She said the things I was saying she had never heard. I could tell there was something there that neither of us had ever realized. The night ended with us holding hands under the table, just trying to get through the night without being obvious.

Fast forward to last Monday, and last week. We have spoke so many times about everything. I have completely opened my heart and soul to her, and poured out all this love I never knew was there. In her part, she has tried to fight it, because we both know it is wrong. But it keeps growing, and getting stronger. We have kissed, and hugged and it has felt amazing. I have been in love, I have loved, and been loved. At no point in my life have I felt anything like this. I am just lost in what to do. We are the best of friends, and I know what is on the line... Careers, families, friendship. .. Can I really tell my heart no? Can I try to say this is lust, or a product of just working together. I wish I could, but I know better. What do I do?

[michelle23]

Its an emotional affair and the secrecy makes it more appealing. You are infatuated and love the idea of her. Shes a fantasy, not reality.. reality with her would be hell.. both spouses hating you both, your kids heartbroken and angry.. and even if there wasn't those issues.. real life sets in to ALL relationships and it would just end up the same as your marriage now.. working, paying bills, kids getting in the way of normal sex life etc.

You are supposed to work extra hard at making your current marriage work.. not turning your attention elsewhere because life gets boring sometimes or the spark has faded. People who get infatuated like this usually are not thinking rationally and make really bad decisions that could have major consequences.

Do some research on emotional affairs, read the 99% failure stories.. not just the 1% that give you hope..

You are too close to her. Men and women cannot be that close without things getting complicated and messy. You need distance and a more professional relationship where you have your role, she has hers and you only come together for business meetings if or when necessary.. if this doesn't help you get over your feelings then its time to find a new job, get your priorities straight and put your family first.

Put all that effort into your wife. Take her away for a weekend, spoil her and work on getting the excitement back in your marriage. It may take time and effort but you married her for a reason and need to put her first

[TablesandChairs]

You're a grown man so consider what this means. It would mean 2 divorces - your first, her second. It would mean putting your 3 kids through the ringer. She'd be putting her 2 kids (and step child) through the same ordeal. Then there's the division of assets, child-support arrangements. If the two of you survive all that unscathed and still have the energy to give it a good shot, kudos to you both.

This isn't high-school; you're not cheating on your girlfriend of 2 weeks who will later go on to date Bob from chemistry class. You're dealing with spouses, several children, family, assets, life.