I don't know why.
I can't point out a specific reason.
I wanted to have a last get together at my grandmother's today but my grandmother is in the hopsital as a result of a blood clot (she's also on chemo).
My sister Gina called me ealier today and told me she wouldn't want to go because our mother would be there.
So I figured "fine, **** her".
Soon afterwards I found out my grandmother was in the hospital.
I tried to get in contact with my mother but her phone was off and nobody was picking up at home.
So when evening comes around I head over to my mom's house, figured I could visit and maybe pick up a few things.
It's a ****ing pigsty, always was, always has been, and it's only gotten worse since I left.
I found out that one of my favorite cats died which didn't help.
Tried goin' in my room which was taken over by my dumbass ****in' sisters and I could barely get in the door.
I gave up my search for an old bag I wanted to use for the trip and went back downstairs.
Bad memories, bad emotions followed me everywhere I walked in that ****ing house.
I couldn't tell you specifically why but as she was talking about why they wouldn't let her see my grandmother, and how Gina said I'd be hanging out with her tomorrow (which I never planned on nor intend on doing) I just started hating her, I can't explain to you the hate I was feeling right there.
For the house.
For the past.
For being a ****ing stupid b i t c h.
So I just left.
She started calling me, left a blubbery message about how she wanted me to come back and at least eat with her before I left.
I never felt so good, so ****ing mean, I love hurting her so bad, not physically, but emotionally. I want her to realize what a dumb **** she's been all these years I want to cause her as much anguish as she caused us.
I want to burn that ****ing house to the ground.
The best thing she's ever taught me, is how to hurt people.
And it feels good, in a horrible and sick way.