My gut feelings

[tayarose79]

I know my boyfriend will not cheat on me but I also know that he is tempted and probably gets to the closest point with his past gf's to specify it as "not cheating". Some info, My first boyfriend and I are great but that's only because I'm the only one trying and fighting. He doesn't get that when he says I'm the only one/ I'm perfect comes with mind, heart and south area commitments. I have been in many circumstances with him where I had to put him in my shoes to realize why what he did isn't healthy/right when you are in a relationship. Granted, this is the only relationship that he has been in where love is the main focus and that his girlfriend isn't a quitter but that doesn't mean he gets to have 100 strikes before he is out. I am a lover and I will always be the one to forgive and end the conversation how he wants because I just want to love and be peaceful. Plus, when we get into arguments he will say "he's sorry" but he will do that same thing over and over so I have given up on trying to change his mindset with our relationship. I guess my point to this is that I have been the peace-keeper in our relationship and I feel that I won't get anything through him because I'm the forgiving one. I'm tired of telling him why something would bother me like when his ex's txt him if he wants to hang out I'm not dumb. I pick up on things and become very suspicious and worrisome.
If you would give me advice to what to do with him or even what you think about our relationship. I am asking for help because my heart is too big and my conscious is too stubborn.
thanks,
Taya.

[basilandthyme]

Taya, he doesn't have to change because there are no consequences for his behaviour. You're all about forgiving and making him happy again but it's to the detriment of your own happiness. He knows that whatever he does, you'll get upset for a bit and then let the issue drop in the name of peace.

It's good that you've given up trying to change his mindset. Thing is, we can't change another person - all we can change is how we deal with the issues. At this point, you need to figure out if you can accept him for who he is and what he does without wanting change. If you can't do this, then it's time to move on.

And for what it's worth, being too forgiving or too stubborn to end a relationship are not sensible traits to have. Instead, they are traits which will see you having a far greater risk of getting hurt. And if a relationship has to be 'fought for', I really don't think it's one worth having. Good relationships - one's worth staying in - aren't this hard.

[TheEvilJester]

Here's what I think.... you sound like a really sweet, loving, and forgiving person. I don't know much about him beyond what you have shared with us, so I cannot comment with full knowledge of your relationship.

However, going based on what you've told us, MY gut feelings are that he doesn't deserve you. You are obviously extremely forgiving. You know the funny thing? The person that deserves somebody like that is the person who will never test that forgiveness.

I can relate to your situation because I, myself, am very forgiving.... perhaps even TOO forgiving. Well.... that is for those who have been able to find their way into my "circle of trust." Through the life I've lead, I've learned not to trust easily. I do not like people in general and do not trust most people. All it takes is one strike proving I can't trust a person and they are gone from my life in a heartbeat......

BUT, for those who actually stick around long enough and are good enough people to become part of my life.... I would do nearly anything for them, and my loyalty will be nearly unbreakable. To those who enter my circle, you have to do A LOT to lose me, but once you've lost me, good luck ever getting back.

It sounds to me like that is the point you need to be at now. You sound like an awesome person for sticking with him and trying to give him chance after chance, but it sounds to me like he's had more than his fair share.

It also sounds like some of the offenses you are referencing are things you should never have even had to forgive him for in the first place because they never should have happened. There is no reason he should be texting regularly with any of his ex's. Ex's are our ex's for a reason. He is with you now. They need to stay in his past. Even if you think he can be trusted not to cheat, it still puts unfair doubts/concerns in the mind of even the most trusting person.

You sound like a very good, nice, trusting person. Please don't let people take advantage of that, and please don't let people ruin that for you. Yet, at the same time, you need to learn to be guarded as well. Don't give your trust too freely because then you may risk trusting the wrong people. Good luck to you, friend.

[TablesandChairs]

You're choosing to be a martyr. He has shown you how he is and what he is - and you're routinely trying to modify his behaviour, make him more considerate, more loyal, more thoughtful...but he's not these things. So, you can either accept a future where forgiveness becomes your middle name...or you can find someone who IS those things.