Is he into me? Do I give it time?

[SDelight]

So basically this is my story. I met this guy one year back through a senior classmate of mine. We kinda hit it off and began chatting a lot via text. He had come to visit from another country. He left and myself (an international student) left my school and returned to my country of origin in North America. So anyways, we still have kept in touch. For the past 4 1/2 months we have been talking more intensely via video chat/text/phone. In the month of October I acknowledged to him that I was alittle into him and he also told the same. Come December, I was getting alittle antsy and told him how I was feeling and he (he is in the middle of applying for masters/immigration to another country) told that he needed some time before he can commit into a relationship. So I sort of chucked it but my heart was still yearning for him and still is. Yet, I controlled and still was there supporting as a friend. Now its Jan end. I recently couldn't handle and I again expressed and told I can't keep telling my heart nothing is there and that I am aware he is busy with certain things. I told him I would basically back off if he isn't interested/not ready. He kept quiet and told he was thinking haha. So after a day he began replying and has been calling me everyday. I stopped initiating all conversations with him and so forth. He is now always making the effort to talk with me this past week. Problem with me is that I am too nice sometimes. I haven't let him step over me but its just a bit confusing. Today we talked and after 2 hours (which I don't think all guy-girl friends talk that long for!) and it got alittle senti in the end and he claimed to not know what to do or think when I said that I am basically going with the flow. I don't know what he is looking into? IF he confused about his feelings and is trying to get to know me more. Or am I reading too much into it and should give it time to see where it goes? I at first felt he was friend-zoning me but I am not really sure now.

[basilandthyme]

SDelight - let's for a moment say that he IS into you. Given the distance, how do you see the relationship progressing? How often would you be able to visit each other?

Let's forget about the heart for a moment and look at the practicalities

[SDelight]

SDelight - let's for a moment say that he IS into you. Given the distance, how do you see the relationship progressing? How often would you be able to visit each other?

Let's forget about the heart for a moment and look at the practicalities

Well, I wouldn't have conquered into that if there was nothing possible for the long distance aspect. Well basically he is applying to do his masters where I am located so he has been looking into that. Also, even if he isn't there, I would be able to visit him. If it progresses further then yea we would talk more into the matter of where to go with it. I am not so worried about that; I know if it got more serious proper action would be taken yup. Just now confused on how he feels basically...and maybe that he needs time to adjust into it.

[Wakeup]

So he's apply for his masters where you are. What about when he gets his degree? Are you willing to move where he would get his first job placement that utilizes his education? Would he be willing to live where you are and thereby making his friends and family long distance? Would you be willing to make your friends and family long distance if you had to move to his home country?

There is more to a long distance relationship and love for that matter then video chatting and text messaging one another. You've spent very little time in each other's actual company for that matter so your feeeeeelings for him are based on superficiality of words without actual actions to back them up. He has not shown you in any way, through actions that you should even love him.

Stop all contact with him so you can get over this superficial crush and IF (big if) he does his masters there and you'll be able to see him and base your emotions on him actually showing you in actions that you should even like him, go from there. Right now everything is just fantasy, hope and words on a screen and two dimentional chat.

[SDelight]

Yes our families actually are from the same country of origin...so as into friends and family getting involved in the future its not the problem. This is just an initial phase question I am asking. Not whether I can handle a long-distance relationship. I have been in one before so I am confident in to how to handle that. It isn't for all. My question is whether I should give him time or whether I should just let it go. As into us future wise, it can work out. And yes, I would move wherever he was (that's not the issue) but I am not even at this stage yet.

[Wakeup]

Then you should worry about anything to do with him when and if he actually attends school where you live. If he doesn't do that then NO, don't give him any more of your time.

Are you two Indian by chance?

[SDelight]

Well, I haven't jumped into anything. I am just talking and seeing where it goes. Yes, Indian background but both of us are born and brought up abroad (not in India). Our family values as most Asian households are considered monumental so I have no issues with that. Right now my mere question is there a chance he may be into me? I haven't jumped head over heels or you know jumped to conclusions. But yes, I have considered the messages given here and so it has steered me a little into the direction I should take. Right now will just back off and just go with the flow. I have my career to also focus on at the moment too.

[jenniferaniston]

I think you should take time and give him time to understand each other feelings as this will help you to move forward with him, don't take things so fast as it will ruin your friendship too..just have some patience everything will be good.Just give some space to each other.

[SDelight]

Thanks for the advice. I am doing that at the moment. Just giving it space now and if he decides to do something than alright. I still want to be his friend so not going to push it to ruin that either. If it doesn't work out relationship wise, its not the end of the world. I will be sad but I will move on. No choice in today's world lol

[smackie9]

Dating someone and being friends are two different worlds and you two haven't even had a first date yet. So stop investing your feelings, until you get to that point. LDR's can be very emotionally painful, confusing, etc. I would never recommend it.

[SDelight]

We have gone out 2-3 times when we were in the same country prior to this. It just got a little complicated as I left the country I was studying in. Anyways I haven't made a huge commitment and I don't want to make this a big deal either. Just going with the flow and seeing where it goes. I have been in a long distance relationship before for 5 1/2 years and didn't work out not because of the distance but due to another factor. So its tough yes and not for all. Thanks for the tip.

[smackie9]

Well if you have doesn't this before you know you are just wasting your time. You are ripping yourself off in fact. Life is too short to wait for the experience of having someone by your side, and physically sharing their life with you. Keep looking, keep dating others.

[johncarrol1965]

I have a long-distance relationship too. I find my girlfriend mymagicbrides.com , and at first I was very jealous of her. I was so afraid that she dating with someone else. What do you think, can the relationship from the dating site break in true feelings? I like her so much!

[SDelight]

Well in response to that it really depends. I mean with my ex-bf we had a long-distance relationship for 5 1/2 years. It will take time to know a person and involves a lot of skyping/calling and once in awhile meeting up and if long term then seeing where you can end the battle and settle somewhere. I believe it can work but it takes real commitment. If you are doubting already though that she is dating other people then that isn't good. Maybe you should talk more with her and find out? If you're really suspicious follow your guts and try to leave the situation before you get hurt. If its just paranoia I would say give it some more time. Long-distance relationships are not for all but its possible. I have a couple of friends in them at the moment and so far its not been a bad experience. So really depends on personality and how committed you are.

- - - Updated - - -

As for my case scenario presently yes there is no point waiting (even though I like him) as he hasn't clearly made a move. So yea moving on from that one! ...Happy Valentine's day to people in advance!

[milk&honey]

Glad you could move on past this. It's probably for the best. Happy Valentine's Day to you too!